I recently got married in September, 2006 and I am having trouble adjusting.?

Question

I have always been on my own and had my own space and now he's always there. He never goes anywhere and if he does, it's not for long and I never get my own space ever. Why doesn't he want his own space? He's just happy to be with me every second. When I get home from work, I would just like a little down time, but I have to immediately cook dinner, after driving an hour home from work, and I can't ever just come home and get in my jammies and relax like I used to. I have to be a wife now and I don't know how to tell him I have other interests and some of them don't involve him, just me.

Answer 1

Welcome to married life. You have another person to think of now besides yourself. You are going to have to talk to hubby and let him know what you're feeling. Please don't even consider children at this time. Sounds like you wish you were single again.

Answer 2

Talking to him is step 1, just explaining that you're used to some alone time and that you miss it... he'll probably understand if you talk about it in a gentle manner (no demanding or accusing etc). If he understands deeds better than words though, you could try something like the following:

When you get home from work, give him a hug and a kiss, say something nice and sweet to him and dump some crackers and cheese (or some other snack) on a plate and bring it to him. Then, you go into the bathroom and take a bath for an hour with the door locked. You come out, change into your pajamas and go cook dinner. Get him used to the idea that 6pm is snack time and 8pm is dinner time... (or whatever time works for you). After he's learned this, you could try training him into getting his own snack, and into letting you read in your bedroom alone for an hour or w/e instead of taking a bath. Make a card that you can hang on the bedroom door with "do not disturb" and remind him of the card if he does disturb you. Especially in the beginning, be extra nice when the alone time is over, so that he can look forward to the end of your alone time instead of resenting it.

If you want him out of the house for a few hours a week, I don't know... mention your desire to him and talk about options. I lived in a one-room one-bathroom apartment with my husband the first half year (no kitchen, no bedroom) and it was tough... I love him a lot but being together *all* the time is a bit much. For the past two years we've been living in a larger apartment though, 1 living room, 1 bedroom, a kitchen and a bathroom and it's been a lot easier on our relationship as he's got his desk in the living room and I've got mine in the bedroom. We still see each other a hell of a lot of the time, but at least now I don't have to leave in order to get some alone time.

Also, I usually cook for 2-3 nights at once, and over time I've taught my husband to cook some dishes too so he cooks like once or twice a week and he actually likes cooking now that he knows how to do it.

Hope that helps. :)

Answer 3

Why do you have to cook dinner? I'm a guy and I cook.

Tell him that when you come home, you need to unwind and de-stress. As for him liking to be around you, that's a problem? I don't think so. It is possible for two people to be in a room and while they are together, they are also doing their own thing.

As a lot of women say, they are mad when their old man decides he'd rather go out with the buds and "do something for him". Are you really sure that is what you want?

If so, then tell him directly. Tell him to get a hobby. The NHL playoffs are on. Tell him to go to a sports bar and watch the games.

Then don't be surprised if one day you want him around more and he's taken a page from your playbook and wants "his time to be alone".

Answer 4

I got married in November to my online boyfriend(dated online over a year).... I only met him 24 days before the wedding in person so at first things were like they sound for you. But then we sat and discussed what we enjoy doing and decided that this is how it works:
-We cook enough for 2 meals so that left overs are the next nights dinner. That gives me time to do what I want to do to relax... do hair/nails/facial/write my book/read etc. And he can do what he likes music recording/game creation etc at least one hour a day or every second day.
-We do chores together.
-Call and arrange the evenings activities before the time so there is no confusion
-Have dinner together at one table so that we dont live past each other
SMall changes like these makes married life more pleasurable.. and of course the fact that he cooks. You still get to be you and be a wife all in one without complicating things. You should just remind him that youre still his little lady like before the marriage and you should maintain it.

Answer 5

Tell him how you feel. One night a week, order pizza instead of cooking and get into your jammies and do something you love to do. Just knowing your "night off" is coming may make the nights you do spend with him more enjoyable.

Answer 6

This is one good reason why couples should cohabit for at least 6 months before they get married. None of us knew what's in for us until its too late.

I would say most people had regretted in 1 way or another about getting married to a partner that has a monsterous side which we did not know previously.

Answer 7

The honeymoon should be over by now. Have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him he has to get a life; or a second job.

Answer 8

You need to talk to him and explain your need for space. If you dont, your marriage is doomed.

Answer 9

oh my,that is just like me,can not help but soooo want to see some answers to this one as it is yuk!!!!good luck!!!

Answer 10

the question is if you did not want to be with someone else why get married????