How should I take my daughter back?

Question

8 months ago I went thru breakup with bf of 2 yrs. He was the main provider so when he left i was unable to financially provide for myself & 2 children since i'd been a stay at home mom. I was soon evicted from the house we were renting & now basically homeless & jobless having to stay with friends starting from scratch to re-establish a home and life for me & kids. After moving out of house my 5 yr old son went to my moms so he could start kindergarten in a structured & familiar environment & i asked my sister-in-law and brother to care for my 18 month old daughter until I was able to secure a job & save enough money to find & rent a new place for us to live, ecspecially since my friend barely had a couch for me sleep on yet two kids. Its been 8 months now & Im employed, have a home & worked things out with my boyfriend so I'm ready to be the primary caregiver of my family again...but now my sister-in-law doesn't want to give her back & has reasons why she thinks she won't have to!!

Answer 1

you have legal right to those kids, but you have to act fast, after a year your sister will have whats call frugal custody and then you will have a big custody battle in court. If you go and take your daughter from her its your right... but if you wait a few more months it considered kidnapping.

I feel bad for your kids though being seperated and passed around, im sure there was another way for you to do this without abandoning your children... you will have some issues with them in the future im sure, the courts will see it as you needed a break, and now you want them back,,, it doesnt take 8 months to get a job and an apartment I did that and enrolled in school in a month...but anyhow whats done is done... get her back and fast. TAKE her if you have too...but beware as stated above if she doesnt hand over your daughter and you call the police there is nothing they can do, they will contact cps and now you'll be in a bigger mess (they will definately side with your sister in law and definately consider you as unfit and that you abandoned your kids), the police wont remove a baby from a home in which she is loved cared for and familiar with...and your sister is not kidnapping anyone....

Unless she can prove you are an unfit mother then you are within your rights. although if she takes it to court, it wont be that hard to prove a case of abandonment so i would try to figure out how to get your daughter without involving the police or court systems...

I left my kids for 4 weeks with their father, to get a job, find an apartment, and enroll in college, i gave them the house, didnt pass them around, and didnt seperate them and saw them EVERYDAY, my ex was able to easily prove abandonment in court, although he didnt win custody (because i was able to prove him as unfit, which is difficult to do) the court still saw me for a time as a mother who abandoned her children.

Answer 2

It's been 8 months and you are back with the same guy that made you homeless? If you two are doing so great how come you are not married? You were with this guy with no marriage papers to protect you, no job to support you, no life line, and you ended up homeless. To even think about getting your child back you have a whole lot to prove. First thing first and that is getting this guy out of your life. Standing on your own two feet with no male involved. Having a place for you and your children buy you. She has a whole bunch of legal ground to stand on. You are the one that left the door open for this to happen and now you have done it again. You will need a lawyer and a case plan. Only then will you be reunited with both of your children.
Best of Luck and learn to make better choices.

Answer 3

If your sister-in-law and brother don't have children of their own and want to they would've forged a quick bond that will not be easily broken, legalities or not.

You will need to be able to prove that you are not only the primary caregiver of your children but provide for them financially should you go through another breakup with your bf. Where does your bf stand on all this? You need to know if you have got his wholehearted support in whatever needs to be done and that he sees you all as family unit, not simply as you/him and your children.

Try to resolve things with your sister-in-law and brother privately, but don't go unprepared. Seek out legal advice and find out what your rights are as a mother. I wouldn't advise storming in and threatening legal action because they did you a huge favour by helping you when you needed. In any case, it sounds as if she genuinely cares for your daughter. If you normally get on with them, if and when you get your daughter back, why not make them her Godparents? It may go a long way to smoothing things out between you and they will still feel an important part of her life.

Good luck with it.

Answer 4

First, you must realize that you can't just pass children back and forth like a piece of clothing or furniture...I believe that your sister-in-law might have some legitimate concerns...What will happen to the children the next time you and your bf have a falling out? Where will you be then? Where will your children be? You need to be a strong, independent parent, regardless of whether you have a bf or not...The children should always come first..not just when it's convenient....Sorry, but you need to do some soul searching...Good luck to you and your children.

Answer 5

You got in this mess because you depended on a boyfriend when you have to very small children, then your plan is to take him back so you can end up in financial astray again? Your sister has a case, doesnt make it right , you'll get your daughter back through your brother, the authorities or court. Talk it over with her and your brother before she or you get the court and state involved. When she took in your daughter did you fail to tell her it was only temporarily?

Answer 6

What are the reason why she thinks she won't have to? You must think of her feelings to. She has grown a bond with your daughter and just like you she wants to protect this little girl. You need to show your family that you are ready to be the mom these children deserve! Did you sign any papers to give them full custody of her? Is child protective services already involved? If not she is the one that will have to fight a mother always has first rights to her children! Think deep within in you. Where is the best place for your children are you ready to put them 1st.

Answer 7

Get a lawyer - tell them the story and go from there, b/c each state has there own laws on abandonment. Not sure were your from - but the law might consider that abandonment and you may have to go to court and prove you can care for your children. I know it doesn't sound fair but it make sense. We want our children to have the lifes possible and we do all we have to do to make it happen. Please get a lawyer and let them help you. They do have lawyers that do this kind of thing for free.

Answer 8

Kudo's to you for getting your life on track!

What are the reasons your sister-in-law thinks she doesn't have to give you your daughter? You should contact your states attorney office for legal advice as to any evidence of wrong doing she may have.

I hope you have visited your children and kept your relationship alive during this traumatic time. If not, you may need to look for family counselling to make this transition easier for them.

Good luck to you and your children.

Answer 9

shame on you! kids always come first. why would you depend on someone else to take care of you? now look what you did to those innocent children! grow up nothing in life is free. quit sugar coating the situation, your sister-in-law has no legal right to you're son. just go get herand quit finding excuses!

Answer 10

its all about legality.if their were no legal papers or anything involved then theirs no way she can keep your children or child.you are a fighter and have worked hard to get yourself to a point where you can support your kids and if you fought that hard to do that then a fight to get them back should be appraoched in the same way.let her try to show her point in court. she'll never win.they are your kids and when a judge sees how hard you've worked to do right by them then i guess the decision should be easily obtained.good luck and dont give up fighting.