Hi, my boyfriend has a habit of walking infront of me and then saying 'come on' in a clipped fashion, like you would to a child or dog. I've snapped at him a couple of times for saying it like that as I don't want to be going out with my father nor do I appreciate it in public as I think it's a bit rude. It really does sound like how you would say it to a dog if you wanted it to heel.
Anyway, we're out for a meal yesterday and he gets to the door of the pub, I'm left behind as usual (why can he never walk with me?), he says 'come on' in the clipped voice and then WHISTLES like you would to get a dog to come to you.
Now, he found this funny. So when we were stood at the bar, I said that I wasn't having a go as I understand he was only joking, but that I don't find it amusing so can he please stop doing it.
To this, he huffs and puffs, rolls his eyes tells me I'm pathetic and is in a mood for the next 10 mins while I apologise for having brought it up.
Should I lighten up?
2007-05-07 23:23:18 · 44 answers · asked by rollacoasta 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
"Should I lighten up?"
No, he sounds like a douche.
2007-05-07 23:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by gomakemeasandwich 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Hell no you shouldn't lighten up! I don't care if he's joking or not--it's NOT funny. The next time he does this, put on your best sarcastic face and say either, "Oh no, Sir, I'll walk 20 feet behind you as a proper woman should." or "No...I'm staying here at the (pub, shopping center, wherever you are) and am going to look for a REAL man--one who treats me with respect."
2007-05-08 02:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a reason to be upset. And no, there's absolutely no reason for you to "lighten up".
He is having fun at your expense. That is degrading to you!
I think you and your boyfriend should have a serious talk about this. Men/boys do not take hints so be very clear about everything that upsets you. Tell him that when he does this and this, it makes you feel hurt, and that you want him to stop.
If he won't apologise to you and stop it, you cannot continue a relationship with him any more.
It's hard to predict if he will stop, could be he has not learned to respect women or girls, but if he is very young, he might still learn. But please talk to him, and be firm!!
Respect yourself girl and good luck.
2007-05-07 23:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by rosaria 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a control issue. I know, it doesn't sound like a big enough deal to be, but it's a little switch in his mind that tells him if he does or doesn't have control of the situation(not necessarily you) at that time.
If it bothers you, hold your ground.
Whatever you do, don't make a scene like trying to explain why you're upset. If you do, his personality is the type that will use that against you and say "you're the one making a big deal out of this"
The only way to make him understand it to make HIM want to discuss it. Next time he says "come here" and whistles at you, bend down and pretend to tie your shoe, or walk over to something like your looking at it. Or simply ask, "what's the big rush?" If he then takes the next step and gets upset when you don't do as you're told, then you know it's not as small of a deal as he says it is. And if he does get upset, give him a taste of his own medicine and be like "Don't make a big deal out of it" and walk in front of him and say "come on". It's a stupid game, but it's a psychological thing, and that's why he gets in a mood.
Never appologise unless you are sincere. If you are upset at him being rude to you, then let him be in 'a mood'. If you then try to cheer him up or appologise, he will still be in control, and at that point control the situation again by being the one to say when thing's are ok, and when they are not.
Be completely honest to yourself and him. If you're upset, believe in what you're upset about, and be upset until you are satisfied that the situation is resolved. Giving up on your morals never helps anybody.
2007-05-07 23:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
No, you should either fight back with a tonne of sarcasm and pis*taking, or you should hit him very hard on the nose. Or you could just dump him, he sounds like a childish bore. He is almost definitely doing this, and embellishing it with fancy twiddly bits like whistling, precisely because he knows it winds you up. He's behaving like Kevin the Teenager; it really isn't behaviour worthy of an adult. I think you should buy him a shepherd's crook for his next birthday then beat him with it until there is no longer strength in your body.
2007-05-07 23:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by dorothy 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
No, start as you mean to go on. If he is doing something you don't like, then tell him. Relationships should be built on love, honesty and respect, not degrading and disrespecting you. If you let him get away with it he will continue to do it. And don't apologise, if he wants to huff and puff, let him.
2007-05-11 09:36:51 · answer #6 · answered by Jan L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad upbringing I'm afraid. Sadly this is so common now. Men should always walk on the outside of the pavement to protect the lady from cars and getting splashed and should always walk by her side never in front of her also they should hold a door open for us to let us go through first and should pull out the chair for her when going to the table and if the lady excuses her self from the table the man should immediately rise and pull her chair back for her and repeat the proses when she returns to the table. He should always help her on and off with her coat not to mention carrying shopping bags. He should also help her in and out off cars and open the door for her. Sadly these days are long past. My very dear late uncle was one of these rare men with perfect manners
2007-05-08 06:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think anything you do will make him treat you respect. How dare he treat you like this? Dump him. Believe me, after few weeks of going out without him will be such a relief, you will wonder why you put up with it, and won't allow anyone to treat you like that again.
I think there should be a night out with all the other answerers who have supported you, and you will see what I mean!
2007-05-08 03:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by Thia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump your boyfriend. Send him a text, "your fired".
A boy and girl should spend a lot of time doing eyeball thing, holding hands and being together.
Your boyfriend is a prat, he's not interested in you. What he wants is a dog which will come to heel and follow him about on a lead.
Goodbye and good riddance to him. Do it today. Dump.
2007-05-07 23:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up?!?!
Sweetheart, what you need to do is kick this little **** out of your life - why on Earth are you putting up with this sort of treatment from him?
HE might think he's only joking, but I think he sounds like a pathetic little bully - reclaim your self-respect and ditch him, pronto (something tells me I won't be the only person to say this, either....)
2007-05-07 23:32:31 · answer #10 · answered by Simon L 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
No way!
I think your only mistake was apologizing for your initial reaction.
Being your boyfriend, he needs to treat you with the proper respect! He's either very immature, or he's completely taking you for granted!
Either way, you need to let him know exactly how demeaning his behaviour is to you - if he tries to make you think you're overreacting, just imagine how he would react if the situation was reversed!
And you shouldn't take this abuse from anyone, especially a "loved" one - you deserve to be respected!
2007-05-08 00:08:31 · answer #11 · answered by funny_mel 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋