should i leave him over this?

Question

my bf of 2.5 years and i were planning to fly to chicago (we live in phx) to attend his sister's wedding and also attend his other sister's high school graduation. we ran into a situation of my rent for my apt being due the week we are gone (i can't leave them a check ahead of time b/c my complex won't take personal checks). my bf was unable to help me pay for it b/c he just had to remodel both his bathroom in his house and it cost him 3 thousand dollars to do so and it left him only 400 in savings. we decided that i should stay here and he go (he'd only be gone for 4 days). after thinking about it, i realized if we were back in 4 days-i could pay my rent when we returned-i emailed him and told him this. he wrote back saying it was easier if i just stayed here b/c he had already told his sister i couldn't come.

i felt hurt that he wants to leave me behind (even if only for 4 days). these are special events that won't repeat themselves and i have to miss them.

what should i do?

i should mention that initially we were going to bring along two of my 3 kids but decided against it b/c the wedding is the first week on june and the beginning of summer-since we are flying standby (we get seats after everyone who paid for theirs gets on the plane b/c my bf works for the airlines and we get our seats for cheap) and it would be hard to get all of us on the plane. after telling his sister we were all going-he had to tell her the kids werent going to go, then i was staying behind b/c i couldn't get the days off work-when i got them off-he told her i could come and then again had to tell her no w/my rent situation. he said he was tired of going back and forth telling her yes and no so it was easier that i stay here.

i kind of feel like he doesn't want me to go and it really hurt my feelings.

i also have a hard time trusting it's not that he doesn't want me there. he told me just this past week that he missed me while out running errands w/his friend who came to visit from out of town but he has no problem leaving me behind to attend his sister's wedding?!!

Answer 1

Honey, don't leave him over this. Step back and try to look at the situation logically, and without emotion. He really has been tied up in knots over this for you. Can you imagine telling the bride, who is also immediate family, that you will "be bringing 1 guest to the wedding.. no wait, make that 3 guests... er, no, 1 guest.. nevermind, just me... wait a minute, 3 guests again.. " Of course he wants to just leave it alone. Try to see it from his point of view.

Answer 2

You have three kids, are any of them his. If not I wouldn't let him go, not to many guys would take on someone with three kids.I don't mean that in a mean way so please don't take it that way.I really can understand why he has a problem with the back and forth thing he is embarrass over it .Remember it's
not just about you coming maybe it's more about the seating arrangements at the wedding and tickets for the sisters graduation .How many should she get two no three no two no three, do you see what I'm getting at .I no it hurts the fact that he would even want to go without you,but men don't think like we do, how important this is to us .It sounds like he is a good man so try to see it from his point of view.Remember he wanted you there before all the back and forth started and you don't no what was said by his sister or even her husband maybe they said enough is enough best thing to do is to leave her home.It could be a lot more to this then he is saying he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.I'm just saying it could be other things at play here that's all.

Answer 3

I'm thinking you should take an SSRI but that is more of a strategic approach to what you have posed as a tactical life question.

Something doesn't add up if you are upset because he wants to go to his sister's graduation alone after you initally mutually decided that was a good plan. What if the truth is just as he says? What if it is easier for him? Is that so bad?

Should he want to take you to all his family events? What kind of person is so considerate of his/her partner that the partner's needs would always trump what is easiest?

OK enough retorical questions from me. That would be an awfully dependent relationship. His world is going to get pretty small if you are at every event. Let the guy go and have fun (He ain't going to Vegas after all). You should stay home and go see a movie, call old friends and in general do the work of being an independent person capable of being apart from him.

It is always harder to be the one who is not doing the exciting thing (flying to Chicago). However, it is your opportunity to be yourself apart from him and you have to have that or you become...well, a dependent, uninteresting person. This is hard stuff but the payoff is much bigger than getting him to take care of you emotionally by taking you to his sister's graduation.

Answer 4

Leaving him over this one event doesn't ring as right to me, though it does seem to be a somewhat valid issue for discussion in your relationship - from both sides, I might add - as I can understand your frustration and his also.

But are there other things that have occurred that you are not saying, similar things that have upset you in the past?

I believe the important thing is to be learning what kinds of issues matter most between you and considering how often they occur and the outcome and the satisfaction of the relationship as a whole.

If this is an isolated incident I hardly think it is worth destroying a good relationship over, but if it is a pattern then you might want to give your freedom some serious thought.

Answer 5

You both decided it was best for you to stay so why get upset now?? It's just easier and less work that way you just like to cause trouble. You should be happy some one wants you when you already have 3 kids. Grow the **** up.

Answer 6

Don't leave him!! Weddings are difficult to plan and RSVPing is important for ordering the food and setting up the tables. So that's probably why he said that. Also, just think of the great sex you'll have when he gets back!

Answer 7

I don't think that's something you should leave him over. It's only 4 days...not 4 weeks.
He probably made up some wild excuse to his sis about why you couldn't come...and now he's afraid to take it back because ity might seem weird.

But, if this whole thing bothers you....then talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

Answer 8

I'm not sure why you are upset. You were the one who thought you couldn't go because of your rent being due. After thinking about it you realized it was not the case... but he had already told his sis you weren't coming. Why are you getting upset??

I know that after just reading all of that my head is spinning... I can only imagine what his is doing!

Answer 9

talk to him about this face to him...Guys are immatured at times and they tend to not understand small sensitive things that we find important. Don't leave him over this.If u want to leave him...u have to have stronger reasons. U have to express it to him how upset u r about this...if he loves u...he'll understand and try to make it up to u....and u'll know he's worth loving.
But if u feel he doesn't care enough...follow your heart...But think about everything...from your and his point of view
good luck

Answer 10

don't leave him over just this. i know you are disappointed but you have invested 2.5 years in this relationship and you can't expect things to always be perfect.