Whats best for our child? work it out, or go it alone?

Question

I don't know what happened but getting pregnant turned tragic for our relationship. We concieved out of love and here we are six months later with NO LOVE for each other. Its turned very nasty. I think we fell for that stupid idea that I baby would fix things. We've tried and tried to try fix things, we even tried counseling. But ultimately there are issues that can't be resolved that somehow were excerbated by the pregnancy. The father and I cannot even have a civil, respectful conversation anymore. I feel very guilty about bringing a child into the world in these circumstances. I don't think its fair for our son to come into the world to 2 parents who hate each other. But the thing is, I'm going away to grad school so either we work it out, or I go it alone. Which is better for our baby's wellbeing? No father or 2 parents who hate each other? By no father I mean, we'll be far away, too far away for weekend visits. I just want to do whats best for our baby.

Answer 1

Girl file those papers and get out of that situation. Your child needs to know love and know that she has at least one dependable parent. Don't stay in a place where you can't be at peace or focus on the life that you carry. You don't need that stress neither does your baby. It might seem hard, but darling you are not the first mom to every have to raise her child alone. Not that your looking, but you will find that great guy who will love both you and your child. You don't want the new baby to get used to living in a unhealthy environment where mom and dad doesn't show love and affection, now the baby will grow up not knowing the true essence of how to love and treat a woman.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, having a child sometimes means sacrifices. And you both might need to make some. I agree with everyone that you should not be together, but have you considered, that there may be legal action preventing you from taking the child that far away from his father? It's something to think about, because you will have to raise this child together for many, many years, and you don't want to start on such a bad note. It's better to start with each of you trying to bring something positive to the situation...and if he won't move or give you complete custody, then you might want to look into a plan B for grad school such as a more local university. Maybe now isn't the right time to move so far away...even if it is, consider the custody issue. We all had plans that had to change when we got pregnant, and unfortunately that means altering them a bit to accomodate a baby....It was my plan to go to a certain grad school far away, but when we had the baby our family suddenly became such a huge part of his life that the local university became the best option.

I'd consult a lawyer, and let him know that you're filing for full custody, and then begin to pursue child support. However, if you pursue child support then you'll likely have to be available for some holidays, weekends, etc for visits to dad.

I really hope this works out for you...congrats on grad school...keep pursuing your dream. And I hope that in the next few years the conversations can be civil because children can tell when their parents hate each other, even if they're never in the same room...

Answer 3

It is my opinion that it is better to be love by one than to be resented by two. I know that the thought of having a baby by your self is scary, but if you and the father can't even be civil than there really is not a choice. You NEED to do what is best for you and the baby. Maybe being apart for some time will help maybe it won't. But you need to look into the future and see that if thing don't get better. You and the father will eventually split anyway, this may not happen right away and could be even more painful to your child.

You maybe hurt right now but in the long run the love that you will give your baby and the love that you receive will be worth it.

Good Luck
Hope that this helped

Answer 4

No father immediately available, but a stable home.

I was married for years prior to having a baby and the baby changed the mix and we were no longer compatible.

My ex threatened to move to the far corners of the Earth to get away and I ended up telling him that was his choice, but it did not change my decision.

I was only working part-time after receiving 2 degrees because we did not need my income; however, I divorced when my son was only 10 mos. old and not only do I not have any regrets, my now 13 year old son has thanked me for that decision.

His Dad was called on what turned out to be a bluff and although my ex was an a$$hole for the first two years after the divorce, he did start to value the relationship with his son and has been and is now a better, more active father than I know he would ever have been if we had ever stayed together.

Even if you and your hubby cannot work it out that way, it is far better to leave when the child is young and doesn't have to hear constant fighting than to subject them to hearing it. In the long run, as hard as it will be to persevere, your baby will be better off in the long run to be raised by a single mom that loves it that two parents who cannot stand each other.

Answer 5

Any expert will tell you that it is always best for both parents to raise a child together but if there's no way to salvage your relationship, then I personally am not a believer in staying together for the kids because if the parents are miserable together then it will undoubtedly be passed on to the child(ren). I divorced my husband after 13 years of marriage and we have 2 kids together. We too weren't able to have a civil conversation for the first year but now that has changed. Not a day goes by where I don't have mixed feelings about the situation but I know in my heart that I had to leave him. But, we live 10 minutes apart which is the best thing for our kids. We'd both like to move to different states but both of us have accepted that we must stay close (in proximity) for our children's sake. You have not said anything about the father and if he is interested in staying involved but if he is likely to be a decent dad, moving far away to grad school with your child and not much chance of having a relationship with the father does not seem right. So, knowing very limited information and assuming the father wants to be a father, then I would probably split up but live close together so that the child can have two parents, albeit not living together. While grad school sounds great, you made the decision and choice to get pregnant and that might and should interfere with your own plans, for the good of your child. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

That is rough but if it was my decision I think I would go it alone. I think it would be far more benneficial for your son to be raised in a loving home with a single mother than to be raised ina home full of hate and arguing. I personally am amrried and cant speak for single mothers but...it would be my choice. HE will have a father who could write and come visit. You may meet some wonderful man who will fill that void as well. Depending on if the father is going to be in his life or not. It sucks and it is very sad but...you have to do what you thnk is best for your son.

Answer 7

Children are better off in a single parent household than they are in one in which the parents fight all the time. To listen to parents fighting gives a child a terrible sense of insecurity. My parents fought constantly, and I can remember being afraid that they would kill each other sooner or later. It's horrible. If you can make it alone, do so. Find someone with whom you can be happy while your child is small and will accept a new "father" as his own. Good luck.

Answer 8

OK first off you cant just cut the father out of the kids life, he can fight you for custody, and they can make you stay in the same state or even county as him it sucks but they can. the two of you need to decide if you really love each other or not try taking a little time apart to make that decision. then if you decide you don't love each other say goodbye. but you have too be grownups because hes in your life forever no matter what. you to need to part on good terms and be friends for the child's sake. also if this happened while you have been pregnant talk to your obgyn because you may be having some postpartum depression. i know because i had it to. my doc told me there are 3 ways postpartum works 1 you hate your self, 2 you hate your baby, or 3 you hate your husband (baby's daddy). you may just have that. so really talk to your doctor. mine was i hated my husband good luck

Answer 9

What are you fighting about? Do hormones play any part in it? When I was pregnant I was very emotional at times and dare I say irrational (dont hate me for admitting that girls :) Think about it very carefully because this is not an easy decision. It's going to affect everything for the rest of your life. Put it in Gods hands and see where he leads you. I know that school is important but family is even more important. Just dont do anything hasty.

Answer 10

Children would rather be from a broken home than live in a broken home. That's really the only thing you need to remember.
Good luck with single parenting. It's possible.