I have guy friends... my ex hates that! Help?

Question

I previously wrote a question about my ex because we broke up and he still drives by my house. But anyway now I want to know what is going on in "guys'" heads! My ex is 30 and i'm 22. Yet I seem to be the more mature one. I want to talk and communicate and he just shuts down. We broke up because he says he can't trust me. (I didn't do anything really) I just maintain relationships with guy friends. He has a major fit about it! He goes into a jealous rage whenever we talk, he can't stand me talking to another guy, he says I "flirt" when all I do is smile and be friendly because I don't want to be snooty to anyone. Come on help me out? Are guys insecure, how can I make it better? (Hopefully we get the chance to work on it)

Okay I should note that I do invite him with the guys. These are guys I've been to elementary school with. We go dirt bike riding and camping, and my ex refuses to go, and when I go, he turns sooo mean. I always invite him, I even call himand tell him I love him in front of the guys. He's so stubborn.

Answer 1

If he is an ex, who cares what he thinks...

Answer 2

Yep,,sounds like a typical guy thing !!!
Men are very imature - it is a known medical and psychological fact that guys mature much slower than girls - they are about 6 years behind there biological age.
Well, if you love him and want to work it out -
A) He needs to accept that you have friends that are guys - and he needs to learn that there is nothing going on and that he's the one you come home to...
B) How about including him - you didnt mention if he was in on it to or not- but if your going to go out with friends and shop and what ever, how about inviting him along once in awhile.Let him see that these guys are just friends and people that you know and enjoy talking to
if he goes along with this,then while you are out,just cuddle up to him a bit,hold his hand,give him a kiss
this way he will see that your sending the message to the others that he is yours and visa versa.
If he cant except any of this and isnt willing to understand that you have guys as friends,,then you could try some counseling
If all else fails - get a restraining order and move on

Answer 3

He could have some trust issues. But until we are sure you are doing your part right, let's put that aside for now.

Having guy friends are okay. But are you managing your behavior in a respectful manner that puts him at ease? Sometimes perception is just as important as the truth.

The truth is, you might not be cheating on him, or conciously flirting with other guys, but are you creating the APPEARANCE that you are? Are you giving him the respect he deserves as a bf in front of others (namely your guy friends)? By putting him first, and making sure that the guy you are talking to knows that your heart belongs to your bf and you have zero interest in him romatically in anyway? Or do you just yap away with your guy friend and leaving him in the background twiddling his thumbs?

I am not saying who's at fault, perhaps it's him, or you, or both. But I want to point out that there are certain ettiquettes in dating and some basic respect involved in a relationship. If you are not aware of it already, you should look into it.

If you have done everything on your part, and he's still being too controlling, and jealous, then you need to find something who's more mature.

Answer 4

you know it sound alike youre ex boyfriend is controlin youre life either you and him arent anymore together or even adateing at all . i think he so jealious about you cause he might think you like youre guyfriend more then him and might had made him feel upset and mad . but hey girl dont worrying about it cause most 30 's year old men always such act same way . if he still keep thinking that youre are flirting with other guys then let him feel that way if he doesnt even trust or even believe in you what you saying to him . plus if he isnt going listening what you are telling him then dont even say anything to him . just move on youre life and do whatever you can to make youre ex to leave you alone . well plus you sholdnt allow youre ex keep going to youre house cuase he sound like he is stucking on you by spying on you when youre in youre bedroom or in the house . you know he can get in trouble for that maybe youre next door neighbors will think a straight man is looking threw youre windows and even might tried to call the polices about a straight stranger is peeking threw someone windows . so i think you should tell him not to keep coming to youre house anymore. well most guys who can be reallyjeliouse do things to their exs so much that they can be dumb and can be really insecures too much . well if you do still love youre ex -boyfirend and wanna to go back out with him again . you must have him trust in you with everything .such not lying anything or hide any secerts from him and have both of you work it out together by siting eachother and talk about this whole things . well good luck i hope that youre ex wouldnt be so jealious about you hangin with youre guyfriends or have any one that is a guy. just tell him how you felt about youre guys relationship . and why he cant even trust you with somebody else.

Answer 5

Girls just cant wrap there heads around this for some reason. He probably knows that a guy who wants to be friends with a girl, are interested in that girl in one way or another. Girls NEVER EVER see that an i just don't know why. I guess its because girls don't think that way about guy friends.

But I'm not there, i don't know whats actually going on, he may have trust issues. If he goes into a jealous rage, an you cant even talk about it, i wouldn't think about getting back with him.

Answer 6

He is definetly out of line for getting so upset, but whether he's insecure or not you have to consider that it might just bother him that you're friends with all of these guys. I dated a girl once and there was the same situation, and although I'm not usually that kind of a guy, I think that we may have broken up as a result of it. If you don't want to be with hom then forget it but if you do, consider this: If he had a ton of female friends and "flirted" wouldn't you be a little uneasy. My advice is if you really want to be with him incorporate him in your friendships with these guys and he might be more comfortable when the guys you hang out with are also his friends

Answer 7

You know your own answer...he's jealous. Insecure jealous or maybe even crazy jealous. He is obsessed... You say he's your 'ex.' If he is an ex... why does it bother you. He's history. If he's driving by your house, he can't let go. Do you trust him? Jealousy is one of the biggest causes of abuse. Do you think he might hit you if you even talk with another guy?
Be careful around this guy.... sounds like it could get worse.
Don't let it.

Answer 8

The difference in age and the interest is what may create the problem. If is your ex, why you care so much his opinion.

Also you may appear you are "flirting" by been to friendly. You may have said something to make him jealous, if is over just let it go.

In my opinion if he is this jealous at 30, he may need some help. By experience if it does not work you let it go, you let people get in your live to share not to control them.

Answer 9

My best advice for you is to care less about what others think about you, your ex included. If someone can't trust you, that's on them, not you. While you recover from the end of that relationship, surround yourself with women friends and think about what you can take from this experience to make your next relationship closer to what you want. Keep treating others the way you want to be treated, and stay open. Good luck out there!

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that, all I can say is I don't think that he truly trusts you, or he's one of those who wants you with him 24/7, and thats not good, a nice guy, one who cares for you will not act like that when your with friends, just as a lady won't be upset when her guy is with female friends. Tell him if he can't trust you, then maybe you should move on.

Answer 11

no offense but, if he is 30 and driving by a 22 year old's house, he's got problems. he should trust you. he sounds seriously insecure. you may really care about him, but it is not your job to fix his problems. don't loose some of the best years of your life because some guy can't figure out how to deal with his own issues. try to erase him from your life.