My mom has been yelling at me (for simple things) ever since I was kid. Now i am 30 and she still does it. My brother does much bigger mistakes and she rarely notices it. I have tried my best to passify her but I am unable to change her, even a bit. Tried every trick in the book, but does work. I need advice pleaseeee :-(. By the way I am married for over 3 years and it is going on soo well.
2007-05-07 16:46:31 · 20 answers · asked by a_a_abhishek 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell your mom that you don't need her always yelling at you and talking to you like a kid that you are grown up and that will you respect her opion that she doesnt have to yell and that she may not always know what is best for you and if that doesnt work then tell her that if she cant talk to yuo with out yelling then she doesnt need to talk to you
2007-05-07 16:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by weeping_spirit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
O.K., here's how I think I would approach your very difficult problem: I would first try straight forward honesty. Tell her how it makes you feel when she yells at you. Ask her if she even REalizes that she's doing it. Ask her why. Is she mad? Is she afraid you won't hear, or listen? Find out where she's coming from, as best you can. Now, depending on her response to that approach, there are several different directions to take it at that point.
I do believe that regardless of her intentions, or reasons, or possible ignorance in treating you that way, it's not good. There's no justification for that kind of treatment, and I really doubt if she's getting the desired results, if there are any.
You might want to check with other siblings, to see if they've had similar feelings or experiences, or if they have observed your mother doing it to you.
Some other things that popped into my head: What is her relationship with her mother like? Or father? Or your father? When did she start the behavior? Is it just habit? Do you yell back?
Finally, if nothing helps, then I recommend trying to get her to agree to professional help, either together with you, or by herself. Or both. If she won't do any of that, then you have a tough choice. I mean ultimately, you really don't have to visit her, or talk to her at all. I hope that's not what she wants.....I trust it isn't. If you just leave everytime she does it, maybe that would eventually make her try to stop. If you can get her to agree that it's not good and to agree to try to work with you to stop it and improve your relationship....then you'r ehalfway home. If she thinks it's good and that it's helping or that you deserve it....then she needs some serious education......That's all I got.
The subject fascinates me, though, and should you ever care to talk about it, I would love to try to help, or just listen, or whatever. I'd also love to hear what happens, although I don't expect it. It is, after all, absolutely none of my biz. Good luck.
2007-05-15 23:50:40 · answer #2 · answered by balloonknot71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, here is what I would do. Oh and this is soo bad. If my mother were yelling at me with the consistency you have described - I would pick a moment when she isn't yelling and take that opportunity to inform her that from that moment forward, I would not be responding to any form of yelling and that if she continued this behavior in the absence of a response from me - it's see ya, wouldn't want to be ya. And that means you need to follow through with that. i.e. as long as she is yelling, you do not respond in any manner until she stops and talks to you in an appropriate tone. Yep - sounds like you are parenting and in effect you are - since obviously she lacks the ability to "parent" herself.
There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and that is what you are doing. You're no longer a child as obviously you know. And that means you can make the choice to either accept this kind of behavior or not accept it - doesn't matter that she is your mother at this point in your life. True - you can't change her. But - as long as you continue to position yourself to be subjected to this behavior of hers, for certain there will be no motivation on her part to change. She might never change - and that is her choice. You on the other hand can also choose not to subject yourself to any more of it - even if it means for a time that you have no contact with her.
2007-05-15 06:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by scorp5543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents are all different. In my family it was the good daughter and the bad one. Then my brother who could do no wrong. I used to be the good one until I started dating. Then my sister took that role.lol. My mom tends to yell all the time. She doesn't know any other way to get her point across. I am the peace maker and always say things to calm everyone down. My sister always assumes you are picking on her. They fight a lot. I would suggest spacing out your visits and phone calls. if you aren't around she can't blame you. She probably just wishes you made different choices, but you need to put your marriage first and try to make mom happy second.
2007-05-14 18:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by blue_dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a grown man, with a wife. Your priority, is your household, not your mother. What ever mistakes she feels she made with you as a child she can't change now, so there is no need for you to continue to listen to the fusing.Love your mother and just lay down the line, THAT IS ENOUGH, you are who you are and if your wife loves you, nothing else matters. Never think, that you can change your mother cause that aint going to happen. Whenever, you sense her discomfort and you know she is about to fuse, leave, tell her you got to go or get off the phone. Let her know you are a man and she can't change you now. Remember, still remain respectful.
2007-05-14 15:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by TNT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to your mother when you both have spare time, before the yelling begins, state your case, simply and clearly, as you just did here. But add to it that the next time she yells at you, you are going to get up and walk out, no warning, dont say anything, just leave. Most importantly, tell her that you love her and respect her, but it is time for her to show you the same love and respect. then just do it! The next time she goes off on her little ride, just leave. That is the best way to get your point accross. you may have to do this a couple times, but eventually it will sink in that you mean business. Good luck to you and your mom.
2007-05-07 23:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by ivory_k_2004 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married now and 30? So your life is with your wife and you should be concentrating all your efforts on a great marriage and not changing someone who may or may not get your efforts, regardless of how hard you try. Besides, you said you tried every trick... try telling her, "as long as you are going to continue to treat me like a punching bag, we will not have a relationship"... then go home and give your wife a huge hug and a kiss... and whatever else you can think of! I guarantee those efforts will NOT go UN-rewarded!
2007-05-14 15:55:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On May 13, invite your mom to a mother's dinner at a restaurant of your choice. During the meal give her a nice present, perfume and roses and a card.
In your card write poem about the yelling and express how much it hurts you, tell her what type of relationship you want and see what happens. Be gentle in your poem and speak with a low voice only for you and her to hear. Good luck.
God Bless
2007-05-07 23:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by tony 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are a married man and an adult that is earning your own way and that you love her and respect her and think that she should do the same. Tell her that you want her to control her tone of voice and treat you like the man that you are. I did this at the age of 21, and it made a great deal of improvement in my relationship with my mother and my father. They tend to be taken back initially, but over time the adult to parent relationship will take on an entirely different meaning to both of you.
2007-05-14 10:40:40 · answer #9 · answered by H. A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mom is not going to respect you now that you are older and married and Happy. You need to sometimes stay away for a while it always worked for me. Focus on your marriage and have a good time. You can never change anyone, pray about it and God will show you how to cope with it.
2007-05-14 15:31:43 · answer #10 · answered by Tony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋