How do I get a commitment fobic man to commit to me after almost 5 years of dating?

Answer 1

improve your physical appearance, because usually guys dont hesitate to commit when the girl is really attractive.

otherwise there must be some perception he has that there is something about you he needs to hold back from.

for the purpose of helping out ill include times when i backed out of a commitment i was already in too, but reasons i've hesitated in the past or am hesitating right now are:

she was nice but i wasnt really physically attracted.

she had a "been there done that" attitude and didnt seem to be invested enough in me personally

she was overweight and getting worse, and when i gently brought this up she clearly let me know she didn't see it as "worth it" to exercise. naturally i took it to mean i wasnt worth the effort.

her kids, parents, friends, etc... irritated me, and we've all had these doubts at one time or another. but some people assume their partner will assume a role of lower importance and actually come to expect it by saying things like "my kids come first" ... well thats nice but im not going to commit to someone knowing i fall somewhere between uncle joe and baby's daddy on the list of priorities.

we had different values/beliefs and neither of us willing to change

questions about trustworthyness

she had been with too many guys

i worried that she was too physically attractive and got scared wondering if id really be the one she'd settle for long term

she had too many money/family/legal problems

stop listening to the angry women on yahoo completely and become the kind of person he cant live without by asking him what qualities would his ideal woman would have and then go above and beyond like people used to do when they wanted to stay married forever.

Answer 2

Ask him if he's commitment fobic, or he's waiting for something particular to change in your relationship. Ask him if he's not ready now, when will he be ready? He might not even realize that you want the next level of commitment. On the other hand, if he keeps stringing you, you migh say that you feel your relationship needs to be taken to the next level. Tell him if he cannot do it then you have to make a sad decision that it is not working out for you anymore.

Answer 3

OMG!!! If you having been dating the same guy for 5 years and he can't even commit to being your Boyfriend than there is nothing you can do to turn him now. If he hasn't made up his mind in the last five years that your are the one and only person he wants to be with and tell his friends, family and just whoever that looks at you that you are his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend than you need to move on because you deserve someone who wants to do that. People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. You need to believe that you deserve someone who will truly love you.

Answer 4

i went threw almost the same thing just bc he has a fear to commit doesnt mean that he doesnt feel strongly or even love u give him some gentle nudges but if he doesnt take them give him the smack in the face truth tell him that u want commitment nothing like going off and marrying in vegas but something to show he is commited maybe a promise ring or something just dont push to hard or u will push him away good luck be paitent im sure he will come around

Answer 5

If you have been dating for 5 years and he still has a problem with commitment, do not expect a commitment from him. Accept him the way he is or move on..

Answer 6

Easy, tell him to commit or it is over. If you two haven't married yet, then he never will. Even then, I think you really need to ask yourself if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Think about it. He says he loves you, and if he truly did, then he would have committed. He hasn't. Is there something in his mind that will ruin marriage no matter what? I would be cautious.

Answer 7

Tell him you love him but you want to be married. Right at this moment you love him more then you want to be married but you can't give any guarantees that you can maintain that feeling till tomorrow. Tell him you are satisfied with the man he is and the two of you can make it work but one way or the other your going to be married to a man. You would like it to be him but your patience is getting thin. Now here is the hard part. Mean it when you say it.

Answer 8

If he hasn't by now, he probably won't. You can give him an ultimatum, be aware, though, you may not get want you wanted, however you'll at least get an answer. Then move on, there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to step up to the plate and commit!

Here's some of Dr. Phil's advice...

http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/63

Answer 9

After 5 years...there may be no hope for commitment

Answer 10

Wow....I can't believe you have given 5 years of your life to someone who doesn't want to commit to you.....don't give him one more minute of your life....really....my husband's daughter did the same thing for 6 years....he just showed up one day with a box of her stuff that he had at his place....pushed the box in her arms when she answered the door....and left. Everyone tried to tell her for all of those 6 years....just like I am sure there are those that have tried to tell you.