Yep strict parents..... How to deal?

Question

I today have tried to reason with my parents to loosen up. My parents have a long list do nots that i can do. This includes going to the mall by myself or with friends, wearing makeup , dyeing hair, piercing ears, going to movies with friends, generally hanging out with my friends outside of school in general. They are paranoid about me getting kidnapped and don't trust my friends. When they need my help they tell me that i am old enough to become my dad's secretary and when i ask them for permission to hang out with my friends they dont let me. I know Chinese parents are very strict , but this is killing me.

i am also 14.

for some strange reason she removes the underwire from my bra

Answer 1

As long as you are living under their roof...them's the brakes!! You have to realise you're the teenager and they are the parents. I know it's not what you want to here...but they feed you and clothe you...so you have to abide by their rules. Lump it or leave it.

Answer 2

Your parents will loosen up eventually. It's because of all the child kidnapping/killing we see on the news that we as parents hold our children a little too tight. You need to ask for freedom in small steps. If they can see that you are ok, then they will allow something else, then something else. Just stick with it and be nice when asking for permission. I couldn't dye my hair until I was out of the house. I was not allowed to wear makeup until I was 16. I couldn't even date until then. They did let me get my ears pierced at 10. I have a sister a year old and we always went together. If you are an only child, ask for things in small bits. It will work out. It's hard for them to accept that you are growing up, and the world is different for you than it was for your parents. Keep trying

Answer 3

My best friend in high school was Chinese and her parents were very strict, too. It is a tough situation to be in.

When talking about loosening up, try asking what they would be willing to let you do. Don't ask, so what can I d then? Just say, that you want the opportunity to show them you can be safe and responsible. Ask what you can do to help them feel that way and trust you.

Do they feel that you should only have Chinese friends? Do you have any? If you do, you can start with trying to have a Chinese friend over. Then try and have them build a relationship with your parents. Talk with your friends and whenever they have the chance to meet your parents a school, walking home from school or just running into them, make sure they know to be very respectful to them. Tell them to go out of their way to use sir and ma'am, how are you, thank you, please, etc.

It can be rough. My friends parents didn't care for me, at some points they hated me, but now we are like family.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I think that part of this is a cultural issue that you will not be able to change. Think about how your parents grew up- the place, the times and the heritage they have and want to share with you.
They must have trust and high regard for your intelligence and work ethic if you are encouraged to be dad's secretary!

I would not let my daughter go to the mall alone at 14 either. She was allowed to wear light makeup and get her ears pierced, but even now at age 17 I will not allow any other piercings. They are permanent holes in your body and I think you need to be an adult to make that decision.

It is not just Chinese parents that care about their children and have strong ideas of what is right and wrong. Maybe your friends parents just don't have the time and energy to care as much as your parents do.

You have the rest of your adult life to do all the things you think you want to do now. Let them teach you the respect and caution for you physical self that it is their job to do as your parents. You will be glad later.

Answer 5

As a parent of a grown girl I was made aware of how " strict" I was with my daughter. Actually I was quite relaxed with her as long as I knew where she was at all times. How to deal? Ok you are 14 and want to start spreading your pre adult wings but mom and dad want to keep you and protect you as long as possible. they love you nd adore you and will be heart broken when you finally move out. I know I was. The best way that I can say is to enjoy yourself! Please don't try o grow up too fast. don't bother to understand right now why your parents do what they do. you will understand when you have children of your own. Yes it is a cliche' but it is true. I was like you once... then I had a baby... then I was my mom. It is a cycle of living and loving. Just be you and that is what your mom and dad want most of all. You have a lifetime of growing after you are 18 and over the hill LOL. As far as the under wire thing goes ? That is weird. Tell your mom to quit , she is ruing your good bras! Try to get one of those Victoria Secret bras that gives you under wire support without the under wire. Now that would be like watching a cat bury poop on a concrete floor. She thinks there is an under wire hidden but can't find it! LOL
good luck young lady

Answer 6

You are still young and they want what is best for you. I watch my niece after school and saw a truck actually honk at my 11 r. old niece. So they know what is out there in the world and are just trying to make sure your safe. Instead of the mall, why not ask your parents to have a sleep over or small pizza party. let them see how you interact with your friends. Trust is hard to earn but once you have it they will be easier on you. If they didn't care what happened to you, you would be heading straight for trouble. I have seen it too many times with my friends when I was younger. They had all the freedom but made poor choices.

Answer 7

Ask your parents why they are doing the things they are, but in general, you are basically going to have to ride this one out. Believe me they are doing it for your own good. I was my father's secretary at your age, but it certainly didn't give me the right to hang out with and when I wanted. Listen my mom didn't me want to get my ears pierced, I wanted until I finished my first semester of college and had them done. It felt wonderful. But now that I am older, I'm glad my parents loved me enough to protect me. Be a kid just a little while longer, you will grateful later. Try to not scream when you want something and negotiate. That may help a little bit. But don't think you'll get over. Just ride it out. And love them for it. The underwire thing, I just don't get, maybe she's afraid your breasts will be more prominent and doesn't want you to attract the males. Good luck and remember in 4 years you'll be in college and missing them.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I had very strict parents growing up also. (Actuallly, I lived with my grandparents) Things in today's world scare me. People are nuts nowadays and you never know what could happen. I know your parents are just looking out for you because they do love you. The only advice I have for you is to prove to them that you are trustworthy enough to gradually start doing more things on your own. I don't know how you react to them in this situation but make sure you don't disrespect them in any way. Maybe you could write a letter explaining where you are coming from. Start small and don't expect a huge change in a short period of time. Give them time to know you are ready. :) Good luck!

Answer 9

Have you let them actually meet your friends, that way they can start trusting them when you are with them? I am a mother myself (and obviously a daughter) if my kids wanted to go somewhere and let me get to know their friends first and I discovered that I could trust them while they were with you. How do you get around everywhere, their parents? Let them meet the parents as well. My daughter isn't old enough to start wearing makeup (12) but I think I was 14 when I started wearing make up.You don't want to dye your hair, it kills it. Have you sat down and told them that they say that you aren't old enough to hang out with your friends but they say that you are old enough to start as a secretary for your dad. Find out why they feel that you aren't ready for a job, but not the other things that you've named. I think that you are old enough myself, but I don't know you. It isn't just your age, it is also your mental ability. They are probably afraid that you friends will get you into drugs, drinking or smoking. Just sit down and have a grown up talk with them. Good luck.

Answer 10

If i'm not mistaken, your parents have a classic education, it is hard for them to understand what it is you are going thru since they never lived it themselves. I think you have to try to negociate with them. Somethings too extreme, you should have a talk and let them win, for example the piercing, you should understand it might be a little radical for them. On the other hand, if you give them a little in arguments, they might be forced to give a little back so you can have a slack... Going to the mall is something you can begin with, they must know that you will have to shop for yourself one day so why not let you discover for yourself, anyway there are security guards over there if there was something to go bad...

I'm not saying to obey blindly your parents, but they have more experience of life than you do so sometimes it is for the best to listen to them. But you are at an age where you want to define yourself in society and you need to interact, make sure they understand that too. By giving in to them on the most daring of your demandds, you will look reasonable to ask for the others. This might take a little while, I'm not saying it will work the first time, but I think you have to make them understand and earn their thrust as to the fact that you are wise enough to face life alone from time to time. Be patient, they love you and just want to keep you asfar away from trouble as they can, that's all...

Like we say here in Quebec, at some point, the bird has to learn to fly on his own... try this one on them! :-)

Answer 11

You are only 14 dear. Let your parents make decisions for you now. When you are a bit older and have proven that you can indeed make good decisions then they will loosen the leash. Your parents love you and want you to have a long, healthy life!