Should I homeschool my son?

Question

My son is finishing up 2nd grade and he is really struggling. He just doesn't seem to like school much though he gets along well with everybody--just doesn't like the whole rigid structure.

My problem is that his personality and mine absolutely do not get on well together! I am a former teacher and am comfortable with teaching but am afraid that our constant head butting will continue through out the school day. He has three siblings and there is the possibility that he might respond well to the alone time with Mom. I just don't know what to do.

My husband doesn't think it's a good idea and he is normally very intuitive about what is going on with the boys and he knows me well! He also hates anything out of the ordinary and I am afraid the "strangeness" of it may be biasing him against it!
Have any of your ever homeschooled a "difficult" child?

I am interested in what experienced you've had homeschooling? Have you been homeschooled? Have you taught your own children? I am completely capable of providing structure and curriculum. His worst subject area is actually my teaching specialty. I am wondering about the personality difference though!

I do appreciate the learning style differences. I actually learn best through reading! I get my best understanding from reviewing notes and reading the textbook! Crazy I know but it made school incredibly easy for me. Needless to say I have never met anyone who learns the same way as me so it is exciting to adapt what I present to the learning styles of kids I tutor. I may start out with some summer schooling and see where it goes from there.

Answer 1

Well, obviously we have a case of all the people who know NOTHING about home schooling deciding to answer a home schooling question. The whole socialization myth is just that, A MYTH. No parent that I know in home schooling wants their child isolated. We are involved in more things than most of the public school kids, because we have the time. Plus , my kids are exposed to kids of all ages and backgrounds through dance, clubs, volunteering, ect. Just a quick search on "home schooling and socialization " will put that myth to rest.
The other comment I would like to make is that even though you are a teacher, a huge advantage I am sure, you may need to deprogram a bit to be effective with your son. Find things that interest him and what his learning style is. I have a daughter that loves science but can only concentrate on book work for about 20 minutes at a time, so we are creative. She works on math, or whatever book work we have, then she gets a 5 minute break to go check on birds or squirrels, or whatever the interest is focused on that day. I have learned to be flexible with her so its not a battle everyday.
I would encourage you to go for it! Your bond with your son will end up stronger.

Answer 2

Part of the problem is that you are looking at homeschooling through "teacher" eyes. Homeschooling is not the same as schooling, at least it doesn't have to be. The problem your son is having is not with the school, the children or the lessons its the structure. I would recommend a form of unschooling. Make learning fun for him. There is no need for him to sit at a desk for 5-6 hours a day doing busy work. My children can easily finish their busy work in a matter of hours then we play learning games or have just being a kid time.

I am homeschooling my three oldest, the other two are still babies. My number three is a real chalange for me. We constantly butt heads, to the point that I am often in tears. I have found this semester that he is not like my other two who can sit and go through their books, doing their work and learning what they need to learn. For my challange child we chalked letters on the side walk then had him ride his bike to the letter I called out. We put numbers on the side walk then threw rocks and added the numbers together that they landed on. Being creative kept him interested and learning and we both get along much better! I have even found he will do some of his lessons better if his brothers are teaching him. They enjoy being the "boss" and he catches on much faster than he would if we were fighting it out. I have also found some great websites that offer learning games that he loves to play. It works for us and I love spending the time having fun with my challenge!

Answer 3

The first thing you have to shed is your pre-conceived TEACHER mentality.

The object is to EDUCATE

How the education happens is irrellevent, so long as it happens.

It doesn't matter if reading, intially, comes from comic books or Shakespear, it's the concept of reading.

Forcing someone to cover a course of studies too soon can be disasterious.

Certainly by the age of 16 you HAVE to start that.

Especially if college is on the horizon and the child wants to go to college.

It's about motivation and water finds it's own level.

What you have to do is discover the self-moitivational aspects.

You were indoctrinated with syllabus and rote.

That works fine for some but not all

Especially on a one on one basis

Your job is to train a mind to think on its own

That mind does not think the same way you do, so you have to look at things inside out, upside down

It's going to be a test of YOUR smarts

You are smart, aren't you? Or are you just a robot.

You are not teaching 40 faces. You are taking on one person.

It now becomes a chess game between two personalities

In a class room it's time chess. 40 students vs you and you make your moves in 30 seconds or less. You win some games you lose some games.

There is no huaministic personality involved.

When two play chess there is

It becomes half psych and half chess skill

Now how SMART are you

Answer 4

I'm not taking time to read all the answers you have received. I'm speaking from the heart.
We waited until our son was in the 8th grade before we began home school. The only positive thing about us waiting was that we knew we could not do any worse. We don't second guess ourselves on the decision.
We wish we had made the decision much earlier. He learned more academically in 6 months of being at home than he had in last 6 years of being in a class room situation.
He is not a scholar but he is learning.
Our relationship has improved and we truly enjoy being together.

Answer 5

I have a spirited child (aka a "difficult" child). She is a very confident and social 4-year-old. She is often a very affectionate, articulate, and funny child. However, she often drives me absolutely crazy. She can be very sensitive about things. She is very disturbed by big changes in her environment. She is very opinionated and stubborn. She doesn't handle tedium very well. And it is hard to put her on a feeding schedule. She has also required a lot of extra personal attention ever since she was a little baby. These are all aspects of her personality that *I* have had to learn to appreciate and work with.

My husband and I decided that we would home school our children for reasons non-related to her personality. However, I do not believe that she would excel at school for the reasons listed above. I think the repetitive busy work would bore her. I fear that she would be labeled as disruptive, ADD, or a behavior problem and that label would become more important than her academic, social, and emotional needs. I've learned that she needs a little bit of structure, but it's more like an order of operations than a rigid schedule.

No matter what you decide I think you need to continue working on your relationship to and with your son. Perhaps some extra time reading together or doing some other activity that you both enjoy would help. You may need to assess the issues over which you butt heads and see if they can be approached from another direction.

Perhaps your husband needs more time and information to get used to the idea. Read! Read! Read! Read about the laws, methods, and research of home schooling. Get in contact with a home schooling group over the summer. Many will let families considering home schooling join in their activities. But you must consider whether you think that your son's spirit and/or his love of learning is being broken by going to school? Is being "normal" and "ordinary" worth it?

If you do decide to home school, you need to keep in mind that the dynamic of teaching one child is different from that of teaching 25 children. Consider the other options besides "school-at-home" to see if there is one that you think will fit the needs and personalities of both you and him and your family's lifestyle. And you may have to accept that your son just doesn't find your area of expertise of interesting, but that doesn't mean that he is incapable of grasping the basics of it. And remember that the most important thing you need to home school is a love of and willingness to learn new things yourself.

Answer 6

At times it is hard to let go of conventional wisdom, and look at the fact that school is not for everybody.
Personalities aside, forget about being a school teacher, just be "mom", that's all that's needed.
Boys are late bloomers, and his struggles are a good indicator that he may not be emotionally ready for a school setting.
I personally am not at all for any type of institutional schooling public, or private K-12, but in this case I think taking him out, and home schooling him may give him the needed time to become more secure, and develop the skills he will need to return to school at age 10 or12.
Who knows maybe you, and your family will like the benefits, and advantages of home schooling enough to continue the journey.

Additional information:
Recommended reading:
Better Late Then Early, and
Home Grown Kids, a practical handbook for teaching your children at home.

Both by Raymond Moore Ed.D and Dorothy Moore.

Edit:
I may be missing something but as a mom I know that each of my children has a different personality, and it causes some type of conflict at one time or another; that is normal.
We have home schooled our children, we therefore had a lot less negative influences to deal with, but kids being kids, and then teens, conflicts, and disagreements are normal; how we handle them makes all the difference.
My question is why is this such an issue? He is your son.
He needs to learn how to solve problems from the examples you, and your husband provide daily; you are his role models.
Home schooling is more than providing structure , and a curriculum, it's about the opportunity to have a closer relationship with your children; it's about family.
I would really consider reading the books mentioned above.

Answer 7

You can do a personality profile (you and your son) and find out where you might clash and learn to work around it. You may also find that he is a totally different kid at home ;-).

I would say the biggest challenge is meeting his learning style, which may be different than yours. Once you know what his is, chose a curriculum that fits it.

You may also need to "deschool" him for awhile.

You can always try it and if it doesn't work - put him back in B&M school. I would give it *at least* four months (one semester) though before giving up.

Perhaps you can try a virtual school if your state has them. It's a good bridge between "pure" homeschooling and B&M school. Your DH might "go" for that better ;-).

You asked a great question to bring out all the HS naysayers on this board :-).

Answer 8

It is certainly worth a try. As a teacher, it might be hard for you to break away from the traditional way to teach. As a homeschooling mother, you do not have to be so rigid and boring. Find how your son learns best and go with that. There are many different curriculums out there, many different techniques and even unschooling to choose from. Good luck!

Answer 9

When did the personality conflicts come into place? I ask this because I know parents who said that conflicts started with their children once they started school. They attributed it to an age thing, but I know homeschooling parents who had their kids in school who subsequently pulled them out and found their relationship got better.

And are you willing to perhaps change yourself to improve your relationship? Are you willing to learn about other parenting techniques, read books on the matter? Look at the causes of the head butting? (It's often not so much personality but underlying stuff.) If it is truly a personality thing and not a school-induced thing, the only way homeschooling would work between the two of you is if you were willing to do what you need to so that your relationship is good.

ADDED to respond to additional questions asked:
My kids, 6 and 9, have never been to school. Are there difficult days? Yes. But all-in-all, I prefer to homeschool them over sending them to school. My son, the 6yo, is like your son: the rigidity of school, at least at this age, would do him in. Also, when difficulties arise between me and the kids, I remind myself that I'm the adult and it's up to me to guide the situation in an appropriate manner, all the while respecting that my kids are *people* (who have their own feelings and viewpoints) and *children* (despite the fact we adults tend to expect them to know exactly how to act and what to say all the time, even though adults surely don't t do that). I know relationship conflicts that come up between me and the kids are usually due to my not respecting those facts!

Answer 10

We have homeschooled two children since birth and have done so for over 20 combined years. First of all, just because you may have expertise in a particular subject area and have taught that subject in schools does not mean that you will be successful teaching that subject to your homeschooled son. It is common practice amongst pediatricians to have other pediatricians care for their own children because their emotional attachment to their own kids may color their judgement. Same for homeschooled children in many respects. Your emotional involvement may cause stress to the point that you find it too difficult to apply your expertise to your child. It is not just what you can teach, but do you have the emotional resources to handle such intense one on one interaction with your son 6, 8, 10 hours a day? One way you might explore this homeschooling option is to join a few local homeschooling networks (look in Yahoo groups) and talk with the parents about their experiences. Then next step maybe offer to hold a homeschooling hour with your own child to see how it goes. It is a very intense emotional commitment to homeschool.