My sister is getting married in August 2007 and I am supposed to be the matron of honor. She is 40 and lives across the country from me. I have a family (5 of us) and I am the only one attending because money is tight now. She has not offered to pay for anything. Now, she has chosen a dress for the bridesmaids and me and it is so ugly. I hate it. I told her so also. She is very upset with me. I am not doing anything at all for her for the wedding except for showing up the day before and standing up for her. I will be leaving the day after the wedding. We have always been very close, but this is tearing us apart. I think I am wrong to be upset, but I can't help it. It is like I am expected to drop everything and pay for everything. I don't know what to do. She has her 2 sisters-in-law (well almost) in the same town and they are doing all the usual wedding stuff together. Should I just bow out? Help.
2007-05-07 14:24:52 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I apologized to her and will do whatever she wants. You are right. It is her wedding. I was being selfish. I am going to keep any comments to myself. Thank you for all your advice.
2007-05-08 12:03:23 · update #1
Go and be there. If money is tight ask for help. She is your sister. Ask if you can find a better dress in the same color---don't say it like that.
2007-05-07 14:39:14 · answer #1 · answered by bongobeat25 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are having some money trouble, and stress with a large family, you should be a little more understanding of your sister's special day and the choices she is making for it.
You probably hurt her feelings when you said you hated the dress. She obviously picked it for a reason; maybe it was a good price & she was trying to help you out with the cost, maybe it was one she could get in time, maybe she just liked it. You've insulted her taste; that would hurt anyone. Most people do not love the dresses they are asked to wear in weddings, but guess what? It's not about the b'maids & what they like-it's about the bride! When you got married, it was about you; now it's her turn!
If you are going to bow out, you need to do it now, or it will really be bad to wait til the last minute. I would think long and hard before doing that though! The sisters-in-law cannot replace your presence there as her blood sister.
2007-05-08 11:21:29 · answer #2 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister is 40, then she should have a clue that things aren't always going to go exactly as she wants. Yes, it's her big day, and you'll be there for it. It's too bad that you hate the dress, and especially that you have to pay for a dress you hate. Should you bow out? Talk to her. You said that you've always been close. Doesn't she understand your financial situation? I wouldn't apologize about the dress. She now knows how you feel about it. Now, let it go. Wear the ugly thing with a smile on your face. You know she would do the same for you. Be happy for her, and leave the complaints at home now. However, if this is really doing a number on your finances, explain that to her, and offer to bow out. That will put the ball in her court. Good luck.
2007-05-07 21:38:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but this is HER wedding and it should not be about you. My sister got married in hawaii and I payed my airfare (from Chicago) and payed for my dress. I could not afford a gift but she understood. My sister could not pay for anything because of all the other expenses for her wedding.
If you guys are so close, then you will get through this. It is your duty as her sister to bite your toungue and be there for her. So the dress is ugly. So what?! It was HER choice and if she wants her ladies to look terrible in HER photos then so be it! She's the one that has to look at the photos forever, not you! Your just there to stand by her and...for show!
She should be upset at you because you are causing drama about her wedding. If anything you should be helping her. BUT on the same hand, If you paid for her to be in your wedding, than I'd be upset. You have every right to be mad because she didn't even bother to ask to help you with something, knowing your situation and all. My sister did ask, but I just couldn't take anything from her, she had enough on her plate than to worry about me.
You are her sister and she will be devastated if you bowed out. if money is tight, there is always credit cards. Bite your toungue for a little while longer. Your relationship with her is too important to have a one-day-ceremony screw it up.
2007-05-07 22:46:53 · answer #4 · answered by bittersweet1435 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assuming this is her first marriage, this is a big deal for your sister, and you should be there! As far as the dress is concerned, first of all, as the bride she wants to make sure nobody outshines her on her day. And also, how many bridesmaids are there, and I bet they are not all identically built or with similar coloration. She's not going to be able to find something that looks good on everybody, so it's going to be something that looks bad on everybody. If you agree to be in a bridal party, you agree to take on the expenses involved with that. Your finances may be tight, buy you expect your sister (who, at 40 is probably paying for her own wedding) to fly the other four members of your family out, house you, feed you and entertain you? Who's the unreasonable one here? Bottom line: if you support your sister and this union, you need to be there, regardless of finances, ugly dresses, or your other involvement in wedding activities.
2007-05-08 02:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by n2mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should feel honored that she asked you to be the matron of honor. Make up with your sister, apologize for angering or hurting her, wear the dress and attend the wedding joyfully. You should not be getting this upset about it. Your relationship with her is more important. Is there another reason why you're upset such as the amount of money you are spending and that maybe you cant really afford to.
2007-05-08 00:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you pay for her to be in your wedding, why do you think she should offer to pay for you? How bad is the dress, because you really don't get to say much about the dress unless she chose a $300 gown, in which case you get to complain about the price. You are definitely being a bad MOH. Money is tight but she's your sister. You are expected to drop everything and be there. Wedding's aren't normally planned overnight, so you've had plenty of time to save money and make arrangements to be at this wedding. Suck it up and be a good sister.
2007-05-07 21:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm soo sorry that suck. your not a bad matron of honor. your doing what you can. don't worry about the dresses, they are supposed to be ugly, isn't that the whole point?lol. you pay for your dress and your trip. you can't bow out that will make it worse. my moh like 1500 miles away from me and i know she cant be here every secind but i need her there to stand next to me at the wedding so i don't run or pass out:) just do what you can it's her wedding in 10 years you can call her out on everything and you will laugh about it together backing down will couse worse hurt feeling. good luck:)
2007-05-07 22:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by ericams85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just got married 2 weeks ago and my sister was my maid of honor, she lives right by me, however was unemployed at the time, i understood that she could not do some things financially however i offered to pay for the things she could not get just because i wanted her to be a part of it and i was spending all that money on the wedding anyways so i was like whats an extra 300 dollars for her expenses. however my sister did not help me with anything, and everything i was doing she didnt like andthat made me feel really crappy. she almost didnt come to my bachelorette party, i dont know why but they continued to try and call her and she would not call back. she did go and she had a great time! however i loved her enough to offer to pay for anything she needed for the wedding and went out of my way to include her.
but i think even if she didnt like anything which she didnt she could have kept that to herself and just be my sister. it really stressed me out.
i dont think you should have told her you didnt like the dress because i am sure she just wants you to be comfortable and not have to worry and stress about you not liking the dress. and from now on just try your best and ask for help finacially explain to her that you really want to be there but its hard right now, she will understand i promise. did you have a wedding and was she in it? if so how did she act twards you? just something to think about
2007-05-07 21:54:46 · answer #9 · answered by onetosaveu 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is not supposed to pay for your dress or anything. IF the budget is good, she can, but it is not mandatory.
Wear the dress. Its only for one day for your best friend, the one who asked you to be a matron of honor!
After that, put it up on ebay or craigslist or make something else out of it after the wedding.
What does it look like? Gotta link?
2007-05-08 15:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for your sister. So what if you don't like the dress, it's not your wedding. and Because you live so far away you can't do all the planning and the shwer..ECT. she can't expect more than that not paying for it.But just bear with it it will all be over soon. Weddings have a tendency to do this too people!!! Good Luck!!
2007-05-07 21:35:08 · answer #11 · answered by Natasha T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋