So, there's this friend of mine. We flirt alot...we've fooled around some in the past..and I still have this insane attraction for him and him for me...but he has a girlfriend. I don't want to date him or anything of that sort...but I think he's who I want to lose my virginity to. He's the only person who I can't feel physically comfortable with (I have issues that stem from being molested as a child and also having parents with body image issues that they passed on to me) and he can practically read my mind and know what I like...and I can do the same for him. I know it would be wrong to sleep with him but I can't find anyone else that I trust that much and that I'm that compatible with. should I just wait til he breaks up with the girlfriend and then proposition him? hell, how do I go about propositioning him?
2007-05-07 13:44:49 · 37 answers · asked by Haley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I meant CAN feel physically comfortable with. that was a hell of a typo. anyway, I'm 21, so don't treat this with kid gloves because it's going to resolve itself one way or another.
2007-05-07 13:50:39 · update #1
okay, obviously no one gets that I don't want to date him...DON'T! I just want to sleep with him. He already treats his girlfriend with disrespect by cheating on her with other girls...why do I need to hold myself to standards most people don't?
2007-05-07 13:54:02 · update #2
I know he cheats on his gilrfriend because we talk often enough that he tells me about whatever new girl he's found to play with. I don't particularly like this aspect of his life and I've voiced that opinion. He's an awesome friend, a good kisser, and a shitty boyfriend to the current girl he's been with for two years.
2007-05-07 14:02:18 · update #3
Put yourself in the girlfriend's shoes. You would be heartbroken, wouldn't you? I do feel for you, I've had a physical assault in my past and I know how hard it can be to get beyond. But, and I mean this in the nicest way, it does not give you the right to compromise someone else's relationship. What you should do is not worry about dating right now. Go to therapy instead, and when you're ready, you can start dating again and find the right (and available) guy to lose your virginity too. If you do sleep with him, you're risking a lot more problems- getting attached to him, his gf finding out, etc. And that won't make you feel any more comfortable with your sexuality.
2007-05-07 13:53:56 · answer #1 · answered by M L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're asking for some trouble that you really do want...Believe it or not, romance based on friendship is the ultimate kind. If you are really his friend then respect his choice in women right now, and let him know how much his happiness and well being means to you, and mean it. But, should the day come when he is not involved with someone else, have a talk about closeness and friendship, and see if getting to know each other even better would be good for you and for him. What you feel and what you want is very important, but a true friend wants what's best for the other person just as much.
2007-05-07 13:53:37 · answer #2 · answered by Linda A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would be wrong while he's involved with the other. Now, is there some law where you live that says you have to lose your virginity by a certain time? Why not wait till you find that really special someone who isn't involved with someone else and who will love you for who you are and accept your issues with a loving heart. Don't push yourself to "do it" now and end up getting hurt or hurting someone else. Do you want to look back years from now and remember your first time as being the "other girl"?
2007-05-07 13:53:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that if you make that proposition to him you maybe asking for trouble with his girlfriend. How serious are they? If its pretty serious you dont want to break that up, but I guess he cant be that serious if he's flirting with you. Dont make a propositions as you call it cause that doesnt sound to good. So really find out how he feels and let him know how you feel and see where it goes from there. I think it may be more than just sex to you by the way you feel and you dont want to end up hurt by realising after that you want more so be careful and first figure out what you want and him.
2007-05-07 13:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are, but that would be wrong if he has a girlfriend. If he likes you enough to take your virginity, then he should be willing to break up with the girlfriend and be only with you. You've been through enough already and you don't need someone who doesn't want to be with you like that. If he knows you like him and is not willing to break up with the girlfriend to be with you, then you need to move on. I don't doubt for a minute that it's hard for you to trust others, but this is not the only person who will treat you right. You may need counseling to deal with what's happened to you, but don't sell yourself short. You deserve a lot better.
2007-05-07 13:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking to him , as a friend no. Wanting to have sex , yes you are out of line on that one. If and when he breaks up with her if you still feel the same way then would be more Appropriate . Have some respect for yourself , dont rush a thing like that. When the time is right , you and he will know. Rushing that usually leads to heartbreak.
2007-05-07 13:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by a_wycked_dream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, do you have a terminal disease and want to get some before you die? What is the rush? You dont get over molestation through sex, not do you get over body issues, inherited from your parents through sex.
Do you realize that you said he is the only person you CANT get physically comfortable with? Look the fact that you are picking a man who is unavailable to have sex with the first time proves you are not ready for sex. You get over theses things through lots of counseling and only when you are whole or as whole as you can be given the things you have gone through do you have sex. Dont put the horses before the cart. You have work to do girl. take your time!!!
2007-05-07 14:11:35 · answer #7 · answered by CHELLE BELLE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you trying to start off a life as a slut? don't ever go after another girl's man, for one. And why are you in such a hurry to lose your virginity? I wish I had waited until I was married- there's a spiritual thing that happens when you make love to someone you truly love, and when that happens you'll wish you had never been with anyone else, it will make you feel crappy. Unless you are okay with being a slut.
2007-05-07 13:51:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HELL NO, dont have sex with a man that already has a girlfriend you need to be all his, and he needs to REALLY LOVE YOU, dont stoop low and settle for just anyone because you feel that since he is the only guy you trust he is the only guy you sleep with, he needs to be single and he needs to like you and LOVE you and only you, he also needs to put a rock in before he slides it in, I can already see that you are under estimating yourself, you must feel that you can get anyone else, you also need to relieve yourself of your past, malestation issues, dont settle for less or because everyones doing it, dont give the only gift you can give away one time to someone you are not so sure about, BE SURE know it, theres nothing wrong with waiting if your that horny I`d rather you get a vibrator than to just give yourself away, dont you think you deserve more than that? and that your more specail? think about it first honey
2007-05-07 13:54:03 · answer #9 · answered by cleanheart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely wait.
Or discover there's another in the meantime.
As for The Proposition - not the Nick Cave film - get talking, get comfortable, get closer ... and kiss him, slowly but surely.
Feel in good
Like a radar love guidance system.
Master Anarchy.
2007-05-07 13:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Master Anarchy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋