How do I minimize toddler SEPERATION ANXIETY in reference to a travelling dad?

Question

My husband travels 3-5 days a week and is super busy the times he is home. He tries his hardest to make time for our 2.5 year old, but he can only do so much. Lately, she has been getting hystarical when he "disappears"...like to shower, go to the store, etc. ...to the point where it is affecting her sleep.

I tell her that dadda will come home and try to calm her but she gets SOOO upset. Can anyone recommend a solution for minimizing this seperation anxiety??? I feel so bad for my daughter...but I also feel bad for my husband who gets a guilt trip all the time for working.

Answer 1

Have him record a special tape for her that she can play before bed or whenever she wants to when he's gone. Record him reading a few stories and follow along in the book. Also, make sure he calls and says goodnight and good morning to her if he can. When he goes to the store, have him take her along. I agree that showering might be iffy, but see if he can do that before she wakes or when she naps. If it's necessary to do when she's awake, she'll have to cry--she'll be just fine! Make sure that the time he does have with her is special--let the two of them go to the grocery store--your groceries will be bought and you'll get a break, too!

Answer 2

I would suggest that when your husband goes away, he tells her when he is leaving and how many nights she will sleep until he gets home. The use a dry erase board or calendar to count down the days until he is home. If he's going to the store, he should tell her he's going to the store and will be home in 15 minutes--or take her with him. She is just afraid of not knowing when he's coming back.

Video tape your husband reading a book or two and then play them every night after her bath and pajamas. Video tape them playing together. Give her a picture to keep by her bed so that she can look at it whenever she wants.

It really will get better. Hang in there.

Answer 3

My husband has been gone all the time for all the years we have been married. He works building paper machines and power plants. 3-4 weeks at a time and sometimes 2-3 months at a time so it's easyer for the kids to (not) miss him. I just tell the kids he is working and make sure he calls every night to tell them good night on the phone. He also brings them a gift if gone for a LONG time. And takes at least 1 hour of the day (without me there) he is home to devote only to them. Even if it's just walking around the yard and playing with the dog. That (Daddy Time) is what they will look forward to when the time comes. Try planing a outing for just Her and Daddy everytime he comes home. That way she will look forward to that day instead of the time that he is away.

Answer 4

Wow, I'm sorry, I can't even imagine. Our son turned 2 in February and my husband returned from a one year tour in Iraq last November. He was sooo clingy the entire year my husband was gone, the biggest mama's boy possible. He completely changed when his daddy got back.
When he goes to shower or just leaves for a few minutes, (if you don't already) make sure she understands he will be "right" back. When he's going to work, explain that he will be back "soon". So far, this has been working for us. Well, I'm not sure 'anything' works at that age but it has gotten better. Also, one thing someone pointed out to me... (if you do work) I was telling our son "daddy is at work" and then when I dropped him off at daycare I told him "mommy is going to work", it didn't even occur to me how I was wording that. He was probably thinking I was not coming back anytime soon, like daddy. Good luck to you all.

Answer 5

Well let me first tell you and your husband both that you are doing fine as parents. Seperation anxiety is very common in toddlers no matter what the parents jobs or time away. My two year old son was commonly loud in church, so one Sunday I decided to send him down to our church nursery. Well he cried the entire 55min. he was down there and even threw up!! All over a 55min. seperation with people he saw and knew on a regular basis. He still to this day tells people that his mommy LEFT him at church!!! The best things you can do for your daughter is to reassure her of your love and of your return. Involve her in a craft that shows her your love. For instance, take her to Wal-Mart and have her and your husband pic our a special picture album. THen have the two of them put pictures of them in it of daddy and her. Also maybe your husband can start bringing her home postcards or mementos of his trips. This way she feels a part of his travels. The other thing you can do is take a shirt of your husbands and make it into a pillow for your daughter. We did this for my daughter when I had to return to work and she had to go to pre-school. THey also have great photo gift ideas such as shirts, cups and even talking picture frames that she can have made for her with a picture of her and her daddy. THe important thing to remember is that as she grows older her perception of his leaving and returning will change. She will know he is coming back and begin to look forward to his return. You both have a lot of love for your daughter and she knows this too. Good luck .

Answer 6

I am single mum. I have been suffering for panic attacks for some 15 years now, though it was not until recently I understood what they were. They were progressively getting stronger and more frequent, stopping me from some days even leaving my house. I read this book and it all made perfect sense.

I am not saying I was not terrified of putting theory to action, I was more scared of that than the next attack! But I decided to view it as a game, one I had control of and could therefore not lose!

Answer 7

What I have done is taken a map to show my son of where daddy has gone. He gets a kick of saying the name of the state. Map it a game where both of you look it up. Even if it's to the store. Jump on the pc with her and look it up on map quest so she can trace the route he is taking to the store. When he is traveling. Have him call and talk to her on the phone, nightly. Even if it's only for a couple of minutes hearing his voice will help her.

Answer 8

Prepare her... talk about upcoming departures.. talk about it talk about it talk about it. I know this has helped my 3yo son IMMENSLEY. Before he leaves, talk about his departure, his trip, his return. Constant reminders, especially as his departure time draws near. "Now, remember, Daddys going bye bye but he will be back, and Mommy will be here w/ you.." etc.
Plan a Welcome Home dinner at home (with your daughters help), or a special day out. Make a big colorful WELCOME HOME banner.
Make a big deal out of Daddy coming, but do not make a big deal out of Daddy leaving.
Make a card or color a picture to give to Daddy when he comes home.
Have a family member or friend take a picture of all 3 of you, and put it in a frame especially for your daughter, or maybe a small picture album of photos of her & daddy, her & daddy & mom, etc.
And lastly, and this one is especially important, no matter how busy Daddy is when he is home, he must set aside a significant amount of time just for HER. no interuptions, just him & her. Reading, playing, wrestling, flying kites, anything that is just him & her. Stress this to him, I cannt tell you how much it will help.
I know its heartbreaking to see your little one upset. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

I went through this with my son. I kept a picture of him that my son would talk to after he left. We wrote him notes. When he was in the shower, we set the timer for 20 minutes and he learned to wait until the timer goes off before he would get upset. She will work through this.

Answer 10

definite, leave the door open. in case you need to save him in his room for cover reasons, attempt a sprint one gate in the doorway. additionally, reassure him that if he needs you, all he has to do is call and you will come. prepare some circumstances: step exterior, permit him call you, and then respond as we communicate. as quickly as he sees which you at the instant are not leaving him all on my own indefinitely and which you would be there if he needs you, he ought to sense extra gentle slumbering in his mattress. As he gets extra gentle, you may wait some seconds before responding, then a jiffy. And the extra consistently you respond, the fewer commonly he will sense the ought to call.