Does the pain ever go away?

Question

My aunt and best friend past away on 4-27-2007, and it's been very hard for me. Sometimes, I am in a good mood, thinking and laughing about the fun times we had, but then I realize she's not here for me to call on. She was only 31. Does the saddness and pain ever go away? Please, no answers about God.

I just wanted everyone to know that we were close because we were so close in age. I am only a few years younger than her. But thanks for all the responses.

Thank you for all of your responses. I never expected to get that many responses, and some of you made me laugh and some made me cry. But thanks.

Answer 1

I feel for you Brittany - the pain dulls over time but never completely goes away. Remember her everyday and remember the good times. She will live on in your heart and mind.
I lost my brother 12 years ago and I still hurt about it to this day - the last time we spoke we had a huge fight and I never got to make amends over that. Even writing this has been difficult for me ...

Good luck to you ...

Answer 2

I am agnostic, so you will not hear anything about God from me. I understand how you are feeling. I have lost close relatives and have several friends who have lost even closer relatives such as a parent. The sadness and pain WILL go away. It is never easy to lose someone. I mean hell, when you date someone and they break up with you, just the feeling of not having that same relationship makes you feel lost and that alone hurts alot. but you move on and get over it. So when someone close to you dies, it will DEFINITELY take more time to move on and get past the pain, but it will happen . I have always loved the way Irish, as well as people from New Orleans, morn deaths. They celebrate that person's life. They tell stories, remember the good times, laugh, drink, and party.

No one likes change, No one likes anything to be different after they get used to something. Ironically, everything changes all of the time. At some point, you will be at peace with your aunt's death. Just my best advice, celebrate their lives, and hope that you are able to live life as good as they did while they were alive.

Answer 3

Yes, the pain will go away...but you need to stay poistive and learn to move on...it can hurt for a very long time and the thought will come back 10 years from now and can make you burst into tears and then you will go back to normal. I know it hurts, but you need to stay strong and know that these people wouldn't want to see you cry and be sad all the time. Take what you learned from them and cherish the friendship and teach someone something you learned. It will be ok, it may take time, but you also have to give it time...4-27-2007 wasn't long ago...A loved one of mine passed on 4-16-04 and I miss them dearly but I'm ok now..never will forget..but I cherish the past and i'm thankful I had the good moments that some people never get in a lifetime.

Answer 4

My mom died when I was 9. Im 18 now. I hate to tell you this but I do not feel the pain ever goes away. You come to terms with them not coming back. But I still lie in bed sometimes at night and will have a quick memory and will just start crying. You will always miss them but the only thing you can do is remember the good times you had, cherish every moment you have with the loved ones you have left, and remember they would want you to be happy. Im sorry you lost them, it will take some time to feel like you dont have a heavy weight on your chest but eventually you will come to realize you have to live your life still. Thats what they would have wanted for you.

Answer 5

Wow im really sorry for your loss. I am dealing with the loss of my daughter since november, so i can imagine some of the pain and stress that you are going through.
I am not sure if the pain ever goes away 100% but it does ease up alittle, and there is nothing wrong with that. What you are feeling is extremely normal(trust me) I went on an antidepressant for a few months and that seemed to help me, maybe if you feel that you arent finding any relief at all you should get the advice of your doctor on the matter. Dont worry i wont preach to you about God, He and i dont get along so i dont pretend to think that religion is very helpful with matters like this, at least for me it isnt. One of the biggest things i found that really helped me was to journal what i was feeling, its actually a huge release when it comes to the type of stress that you are going through. For me one aspect of that was to write to my daughter and also to write really angry letters at God(but thats just me) I was so hurt that i could lose a baby at 5 months pregnant and not ever know i was pregnant in the first place until right before i lost her(doc's never picked up on it even with lots of blood work etc) I think that eventually you learn to move on and the pain will lessen but honestly i cannot tell you whether or not it completely goes away. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

You have to work through the process of grieving. If someone is really close to you it will take a long time. I've heard that it can take up to two years for the average person to get over a loss for you it might take longer. Somethings that might help would be to volunteer at a charity that your aunt supported or if she died of an illness that doesn't have a cure yet raise money or volunteer there. You could also make a memorial scrapbook or quilt that celebrates her life or tells others about what things she loved or what you loved about her. Also keeping busy really helps.

Answer 7

The pain does eventually lessen... I won't say it will go away entirely... There will always be those moments where you will get choked up wishing she was there for you. I lost my grandmother a few years ago... and every now and again I find myself missing her so very much. And yes, every now and again I cry wishing she was here with me. I do take comfort in thinking that she is now one of my guardian angels that will always be by my side to watch over me. And when I need to feel her here, I just close my eyes and picture her face and it's like I can feel her right beside me. I know I can't make you feel better even though I wish I could... it will take time for you to get used to her being gone. If you need a friend to talk to, feel free to email me for a little support.

Answer 8

I'm sorry. That is so hard.

The pain will lessen over time. My dad suddenly died at the age of 39. I was 12 at the time. I went through a very hard time afterwards, but eventually things did get better. I still miss him, and I still cry sometimes--especially now that I'm getting married and know he won't be there. But, I think he's somewhere playing cards with Ray Charles and his grandmother, drinking Long Island Ice Tea, and keeping an eye on things down here. And then I smile.

It will get better. I promise you that.

Answer 9

I am so sorry you lost someone so important to you, and it was just a few weeks ago. I know you won't believe it, but time is the only cure, and in the process it is also ok to grieve and cry. There is a big hole in your life, that no one can ever really replace. There is no time limit on when the heartache will lessen...but it will ease up a little more each passing day. Good luck and again I am sorry you lost your aunt.

Answer 10

I lost my grandfather a couple of years ago, and it had a more powerful effect on me than I thought it would. It really hurt for a long time, and even now, almost 2 years later, there are times when I am reminded of him, and I take joy in the memory, but his absence hurts. In time, the pain should get easier to cope with and will be less intense, but it won't go away. The fact is, your aunt and your friend touched your life and that cannot be undone, and you're going to miss that touch. I know it sucks, but to worry too much; it's completely normal. Just turn to family and friends when the pain gets to be too much. They can help you through it.

Answer 11

NO the pain never goes away.

I have lost my father and two other family members. It has been many years, but the loss is still strong, and if it every fails to be strong then I will be truly sorry.

Time doesn't heal all wounds it only makes them lessen. All you have to do is to think about the person again and the pain comes right back. After a while though the pain will lessen. However, part of that pain is how important your aunt was in your life. You never want to let go of that feeling so you will never want to let go of the pain of her loss. You will refer to memories of her from time to time, some good, some bad, but they will continue to be important memories in your life and there is no way to separate the pain of her loss from those memories. There will always be that sense of loss, but that is your way of honoring her. The body fades away, and the spirit is now untouchable, but those memories of her are things that are yours to keep. You will always miss her and that will cause you some pain, but that pain comes from your honoring her memory so it should never be totally shoved aside.