kids at a funeral/visitation?

Question

Hi all,
My friend's mother passed away on Friday. The visitation is being held tomorrow evening...at the same time as my husband's monthly association meeting. He is not allowed to bring kids to his meeting, which means I am stuck with them tomorrow night (my kids are 7, 5, & 2). My question is.....is it inappropriate to bring the kids to the visitation (of course, I would not let the kids see the body or know what is going on)? I really want to go offer support to my friend whom I've known for 26 years (since we were 4). Please offer up your advice...how would you feel if you were my friend & I brought my kids?
thanks.

Maybe I thought it would be obvious, but I guess not. I know the best solution is to find a baby sitter, otherwise I would not be asking this question. I am asking b/c I cannot find a babysitter on such short notice who is not already going. I know how to handle my kids (who are actually very well behaved). My only concern is how others would feel about kids being there. And I wanted to get opinions from others on how you would feel IF YOU WERE MY FRIEND....not what I should do with my kids. I like the first answer, but would like to know how others would feel if in my friend's situation.

Thank you..

Answer 1

Obviously, it would be easier for you if you left them behind, but if it's a choice of not attending the visitation - then bring the kids! Is there any chance you can get someone to watch the younger one?

The kids should not be playing or fooling around near or in the visitation room, obviously, but other than that, I think it's fine if they attend. If you feel akward about it, mention to your friend that you didn't have a babysitter but really wanted to be there to support her during her difficult time. I'm sure she will understand.

Answer 2

If the children knew the person then I would say it was fine for them to be at a funeral for that person - totally appropriate but as the children do not know the person who passed or other sinvolved it could be quite distressing for other guests.
Can you not get a babysitter for a short while? this would be the easiest solution.

if this isn't possible then keep them at the back and bring along colouring in books etc for them so they don't get bored. Take them out at teh slightest noise.

But really a babysitter would be the most appropriate choice.

You ask what we would do if we were your friend. I would not want to be hasseled with deciding if my friends kids could come or not. I would be more concerned about going through my grieving process and I would be pretty annoyed and distressed about having to make that decision.
If I was another guest I would not like it.

No one is saying you can't control your kids, stop jumping down people's throats when they try to answer your questions in a civil way.

Answer 3

If I were your friend, I'd probably be grieving so much over my mother's death that I wouldn't notice the kids who were there (unless they were running around playing/the baby's screaming, etc.). If this happens, it would definitely be an upsetting experience. (Similar to when people bring an infant to a wedding and it's very quiet. Suddenly the baby starts wailing and breaks the silence. Don't want to say it ruins the moment, but it's not very polite.) Don't get me wrong--I love kids (have two boys--ages 3 and 2), but I still think there's a time and a place for children. Maybe your two older kids would be OK, but I definitely wouldn't bring a 2 year old. If yours is anything like mine, he/she does NOT want to sit still or be quiet for more than a minute at a time! :) Especially after the viewing, you really wouldn't be able to spend any quality time with your friend because you'd be busy chasing after your toddler.

What *I* would do in your situation is to skip the viewing and wait until the funeral. At that point (the next day or a few days later) hopefully you'll have time to find a sitter or your husband won't have any plans. This way, you'll still be able to attend the funeral and visit/console your friend afterward.

Answer 4

You might call the funeral home and ask before you go. Some provide a "play room" for children, with someone to watch over little ones while the parents are in paying their respects. Otherwise, I would say hire a babysitter because large groups of people usually bother children.

Answer 5

I think you better find a sitter. I just don't think it'd be fair to yourself to have to take all those kids and try to be there for your friend. See if the hubby can miss his meeting and stay home with the kids; it's not everyday that a friend needs your support. With the kids around, they may take the focus away from her; not what your true intentions were. I wouldn't take the kids, they are too young and too much to handle at something like that.

Answer 6

Definitely you should attend, even if you have to bring the kids. Losing a mother is hard. During such a difficult time, your long-time friend needs your love and support, and I'm sure she'll understand about the children. In fact, it probably won't even be an issue to her - she'll just be grateful you're there to lean on.

Just imagine how hurt she might be if you didn't go. And, I think you would regret it and beat yourself up about it if you didn't.

Answer 7

try to find a sitter. those ages are difficult to contain and you may have good intentions but kids are not quiet and demur by nature and they may be disruptive despite your best efforts and that is last thing a grieving family needs. If you explained the situation to your friends I'm sure she would understand.

Answer 8

I feel that it's okay to bring kids to a visitation because I've seen many parents do it. Before you take them, you have to set the ground rules and tell them how to act and really mean what you say. I've seen children come to visitations and they act like little angels.

Answer 9

I went to my Grandmother's funeral when I was five, I had no idea what was going on. It would have been best if they had just left me with a babysitter.