Having Real Problem Parenting HELP!!!?

Question

Everythings just going wrong, we've had a new born baby she just 5 days old and we have a 3 year old, the baby is very good herself its just everything feels like its going wrong, Our 3 year old is playing up, And I get really angry with him and its not fair on him either, I mean take tonight for example, He got a new balloon out of McDonalds tonight, he was beating it of the side of the babys cot and she was starting to waken, I lost my temper, went over smaked him and put my lighter to the balloon, He broke into tears, my wife broke into tears and I'm near in tears as everyone has fell out with me and I feel so bad for doing it to him as he's only a child also.

I don't know how to cope. HELP!!!

Answer 1

I think this is fairly common when a new baby comes into play. Your son probably just wants attention however he can get it. Your wife is probably busy with the baby, plus her hormones are still crazy. Try and spend some time alone with your little boy, or ask him to "help" by getting diapers or letting him hold the baby.

Don't get too stressed and don't beat yourself up too much! Things will settle down very soon! Good luck!

Answer 2

Your son is just feeling a little left out and unloved at the moment, even though you and your wife know you do love him, he may think you don't as your giving all your attention to the new baby, losing your temper and bursting his balloon with a lighter is not a good idea as it just upsets him more which upsets you more and your just going around in circles. Your actions are going to be thought of as being fine so if you shout he'll shout and so on, so put the lighter away before he starts burning things!. So my advice is try understanding where your son is coming from and how he feels, after all your the adult, he just wants to be involved and have his mummy and daddy back. Your son smacking his sisters cot is just a way of getting your attention and he's doing it to the baby as he knows she always has your attention. He's not doing it to hurt the baby as I'm sure he probably loves her really. He just doesn't understand that the baby cant do anything for herself yet. Maybe try let him do things for her also, like getting her nappies and wipes, getting her blanket when it's bed time and letting him hold her once in a while when your there. This will make him feel involved and not the outsider that he thinks mum and dad don't need anymore.

Answer 3

Congrats on the new baby! It is very hard on everyone in a family when a new baby comes- newborns make sure nobody gets much sleep, and because of that, the added stress, and the adjustments that need to be made before things fall back into a routine are very hard to cope with.

Your wife will need some of your attention, reassurance, and love, as I am sure she is feeling quite stressed herself, which will in turn stress the baby, which will then keep you all awake and on edge for even longer. Maybe you and she could take shifts- one night, you get up with the baby when she needs attention during the night, and the next night, your wife does the same.

Then, the one who got to sleep through the night can take some time the following day to do something special with your little boy- maybe take him for a walk, out for an ice cream, or even to play a game in the backyard. Just something so he KNOWS he is special to both of you. He is going to feel quite insecure for a while, feeling like the new baby is replacing him, and that he is not getting attention unless he misbehaves. To a child, any attention (good or bad) is better than no attention, so not spending time with him means he will misbehave even more.

Good luck to you, and try to take time out for yourself, even if only for a few minutes.

Answer 4

Hey, chill! The house is in turmoil, you are all emotional, your wife's hormones are everywhere and the 3 year old is totally confused by the disruption to his routine. Sort him out first.
Try to get him back into whatever he is used to doing. The baby is a source of curiosity for him; but it's like mum and dad have a new toy that he is not allowed to play with so he will get resentful. Show him that the baby needs gentle treatment because she is not a big strong boy like him. Minimise how much fussing you do over her when he's around for now- she won't notice but your son certainly will. He needs to know that he is loved the same as before. His behaviour may regress slightly (wanting a bottle, nappies etc) as he will see this as a way of being the same as the (attention-demanding) baby.
What you are going through is totally normal, give your family a cuddle and take one day at a time. Congratulations and good luck.

Answer 5

Hi, believe me I feel just the same.
When a new baby is born its normal for other siblings to get a bit gelious and they nearly always play up in sum way or another, its just them trying to get attention, as they are used to getting all of ur attention but now that baby is here u have to share that attention and now he is not getting the same amount as before, this is totally normal. It is hard for little ones to adapt to a new baby being around and I know its very hard for the parents too. Try and let him help u with the new baby, maybe fetch u nappies or wipes, and let him hold the baby with you, try and let him help as much as possble. And u must also try to not let him feel left out too, make sure u still pay him attention, i know its hard when u have ur hands full with a new baby.
I was in the same situation when i had my 2nd child, the oldest one got a little gelous and began playing up, it doesnt last long though once he realises the baby is stopping he will get out of it. Im now pregnant with my 3rd child and i have the same worry again, i know my oldest will be ok but my youngest will deffintly get gelous.
As far as being able to cope, i feel like that most days and ive also done terrible things without thinking and felt so guilty afterwards, i know how u feel. Its all part of learning to be parents to 2 kiddies now instead of ust 1. just try to be calm if u can wen he does play up, i know its hard. Your partner and family members need to be supporting u though, they have to realise that u are finding things a little difficult, u should sit and talk things through.
Overall, things will get better believe me, u will find urself sitting there a year down the line thinking how on earth did i get though that. I do it now. At the end of the day, its only been 5 days, give urself and ur toddler chance to adapt to the new surroundings.
Remember, let him take part as much as possible.
Congradulations on the new baby though. Good luck!

Answer 6

well relax, you need to chill out this is the biggest adjustment for the 3 year old, and not only did you loose your temper but you physically harmed your child over a balloon, maybe you could take your 3 year old out to the park and a walk, give him extra love, hugs, let him know how important it is to be a big brother , this is an adjustment, relax, a balloon to the crib is no big deal,everything is not going wrong, take a shower and get your family outside for some fresh air, let the three year old be, you want to include him with the baby or you will cause a lot of problems to come, also apologize to your son, he deserves a least that

Answer 7

Raising a family is really hard work. You can get very tired, so your temper goes at the slightest thing. If you have parents around, try asking them to babysit so you and your wife can relax.

Your 3 year old is now not the centre of your world - you will naturally be making a fuss of the baby and be too tired to make as much fuss of your son.

So he's playing up cause he feels threatened by the arrival of what he sees as a rival for his affections. What you need to do is reassure him he's loved and wanted. Get him involved with the baby. Get him to help you and your wife. That way he won't feel left out.

When you understandably feel like you are losing your rag then go outside for ten minutes.

Oh and take him back to McDonalds and get him another balloon.

Answer 8

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, it's all part of parenting, just put it down to experience and perhaps next time you won't react as full on. It's not easy, been there myself four times, sometimes everything just gets too much, I always seemed to be walking out of the room counting to ten. I would lose my patience and then end up feeling sorry for doing it for ages, so it's not just you. You have a new baby and you're on edge and everyone gets nervous with a new baby, even if we don't like to admit it, and toddlers are so demanding. Just remember he's feeling pretty confused at the moment too, having this new sister who needs your attention as well. Don't worry, I'm sure all parents have felt like this more often than they care to remember. Make the most of this time, wait until they're teenagers like mine, your house is probably a lot more peaceful than ours at times. All the best, just try and take it in you're stride ,it'll be OK!

Answer 9

Been there, done that, you know the rest. New baby = stressed out wife stressed out dad and a 3 year old who is jealous as all hell. Add to that not enough sleep and it's a recipe for disaster. It WILL get better, and not too long. Like a couple of people have said calm down and stop worrying, it's not just you. We have all experienced it. Take the 3 year old down the park and kick a ball about for a bit. Relax it will come good I promise. Good Luck mate.

Answer 10

in all honesty this is not a real problem but it can develop into one
it is hard for your son - he is not your number one anymore. it is normal to be jealous and yet you made him feel very bad today. you made a big mistake there is no other way to say it.
cool cool cool down. take a big breath, count to ten whatever helps
the baby is only 5 days old. your outlook is so negative - everything is going wrong?!
why - is anyone very sick? not eating? baby been kidnapped?
no? then it is not so bad at all. give yourself and your family a chance. give your son a big big hug and tell him you love him forever. throw that lighter away - should not be smoking anyway(joke).
you wife is so hormonal and tired - you are the main pillar here now. you have to show love and keep things together. It is easier then you think.
make you son feel safe and most of all loved - this is not empty talk this is real.