If you lived with your boyfriend and his children and he happens to have a 17 year old daughter and you guys get along great. One day she comes to you and tells you she no longer is a virgin and etc. And you tell her that you will never tell her dad because her dad is a control freak and he would eventually kick her out the house. So.. one day you come from work to find out she has moved out with her mother. Now that thing that she told you is burning you because you know she's going to do it again. And to prevent her from getting pregnant you tell her dad.. And her dad tells her mother and now she hates you... What do you do ?
2007-05-07 10:05:53 · 11 answers · asked by MIA 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Does she not understand I did it to benifit her. And if it was my daughter I would want to know.
2007-05-07 10:06:54 · update #1
Your mistake was promising her you wouldn't tell her dad. This is where you need to be the grown-up and tell your boyfriend's daughter that you were wrong to make that promise, and apologize to her most abjectly and with greatest humility, not making excuses. You were WRONG, and you are SORRY. Period.
Then you need to tell her that the reason you shouldn't have made that promise was because, as an adult in her life, your biggest obligation is to her safety and health, and that circumstances could arise from her sexual activity that would require that you act to protect her-- which is why you should not have promised you wouldn't tell her father.
You need to let her know that you're okay with her hating you, because you'd rather have her hate you, and be looking out for her welfare, than have her as your friend and turn a blind eye towards unsafe behaviors or potential problems.
Let her know that from now on you will take your duties towards her health and welfare seriously, and will not make promises you cannot keep about confidentiality. And then let it go. She may stay mad at you, but she may also decide that if you're willing to admit that you're wrong and made a mistake, maybe now you can be trusted.
Just make sure that you never, ever make a promise of confidentiality that you cannot keep; and if you do make a promise of confidentiality, keep it.
2007-05-07 10:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by Karin C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya know, eventually she will get over it. I can see why she is mad because she feels like you broke that bond of trust. On the bright side, hopefully you can save her from the latley so popular "teen pregnacy". Kids really just don't understand the ways of life. I was very mature for my age and still dropped out of school at 15. I didn't listen to any body and although i still haven't had children yet. I am now 24 and trying to figure out how to juggle school and working full time. When you are that age you think you know the world and one day she will probobly thank you. Good Luck!!!
2007-05-07 17:16:58 · answer #2 · answered by Shayk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never ever make a promise you cannot keep. You shouldnt have promised but since you did you owe her an apology. You violated a trust that may never be repaired until she has a teenager of her own and understands. But think from now on before you go making promises. Ask yourself if you can keep that confidence under any circumstances. If not then dont promise.
2007-05-07 17:12:54 · answer #3 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would hate you too, she came to you because she trusted you! If you were so worried, you should have given her advice and told her that if she ever needed birth control that she could come to you in confidence and trust. She's already done it once , just because you tell her not to doesn't mean she won't do it again. So like I said, I'd hate you too. Especially at that age.
2007-05-07 17:12:49 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be glad because you told and this will help her in the future even though she hates you she'll be thankful that you told because she is not going to be someone baby mother or another teen statistic, and you will not have this consuming weight on your shoulders if she got pregnant because you tried by telling her father but eventually she'll be grateful that you told.
2007-05-07 17:13:50 · answer #5 · answered by britt 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wait a while, and try to keep the lines of communication open, she may need you in the future. she may feel like youve wronged her now but once she grows up a bit she will understand that you did it for her own good. just be the adult in the situation and remember that you are in the right. she may take a while, but i think she'll forgive you.
2007-05-07 17:12:28 · answer #6 · answered by just me #1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one...Well Since your not her parent...and she is 17...and almost an adult. You have to figure out if your just a friend or a parent in this situation. Now since you already sware to keep the secret...You are now a friend. If you tell, you have gone against her and she will never trust you or be your friend again.
In this case..I would keep it to myself. Its her responsiblity to talk to her parents
2007-05-07 17:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, thats a hard question. i think theres really nothing you can do. If she hates you, then she hates you. She'll eventually understand that what you did was the best for her.
2007-05-07 17:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by random 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think since she trusted you, you should of given her the sex talk. You violated her trust. That's gonna be hard to get back. Talk to her. Hopefully she'll understand.
2007-05-07 17:41:30 · answer #9 · answered by Natural 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn. Major trust violation, even though your intentions were good. No point in telling you what you should've done though... just let her have her space, apologize, explain yourself and hope that time heals all wounds.
2007-05-07 17:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋