What would you do if this were your sister?

Question

Ok, here is the problem. My sister has a son who is 12 years old. He never has had any sort of contact with his dad, and his moms life has been chaotic to say the least. Anyways, he has never had a real male role model in his life, except for his grandpa. My sister is on her 3rd man who is also the father of her 3rd child. Her boyfriend, is a real dick. He treats his son well but treats the 12 year old like CRAP. So anyways, this 12 year old has behavioural problems, was diagnosed with ADHD etc. He is like this because his mom will stick by whatever her stupid boyfriend says/does. She is a crappy parent to him. A few months ago she decided that she no longer wants to deal with her son and sent him to live with my parents, who are 65 and 58 years old. They of course took him in, but they are exhausted from taking care of him, plus they both work full time. Do you think it is wrong of me to tell my sister to get her act together and take her kid home on the weekends?Thanks

Just to add a few things, my nephew has also been trying to molest my other nephew who is younger. So basically, my other sister,brother and I don't want our children around him until he turns his life around. But how can he possibly change when his "mom" is a rotten mother to him. I am just so irritated that she expects everyone else to deal with his problems but she won't try herself.

Unfortunately his "father" is also a deadbeat dad with a drug and alcohol problem.
I do have contact with my nephew and he does come and visit my children, but with careful supervision. I feel like I should take him in, but if I do that than I feel like I am putting my own kids at risk. It is hard because I also have a 12 year old son and I want him and his cousin to be close. I feel horrible for my nephew and I really wish I knew what to do.

Unfortunately his "father" is also a deadbeat dad with a drug and alcohol problem.
I do have contact with my nephew and he does come and visit my children, but with careful supervision. I feel like I should take him in, but if I do that than I feel like I am putting my own kids at risk. It is hard because I also have a 12 year old son and I want him and his cousin to be close. I feel horrible for my nephew and I really wish I knew what to do.

Some of you seem to think that I do not care. Well that is so not true. I have tried every thing I can think of to help my sister and my nephew. He is starting counselling and going to see a psychiatrist. I want him to get help and feel better about himself. I asked my sister about him possibly being molested and she basically told me to **** off. I wouldn't be on here asking questions if I didn't care!

Answer 1

I have a friend in a similar situation and he solved it by gaining custody of the child himself and adopting the child so that the parent would not be able have any further contact. Maybe you should consider that. It is easy to say what your sister or your parents should do, why don't you step up if it is in the best interest of your nephew? It doesn't sound like a good idea to have him return to his mother's care. Step up and show you care!

Kerri ... I am not saying you don't care, but you may need to show it in a strong way. You seem to be in the best position of anyone involved and the sacrifice may be yours to make. It will be tough for you, have no doubts. I would not have reccomended that you should take over his care, if I didn't think that you cared very much! Take care and best of luck to you!

Answer 2

That's a tuff one
As a parent of an ADHD child I know what they're dealing with and to say it's exhausting is an understatement! LOL
Unless you're going thru it, you really cannot explain it to someone else.
I would suggest that yes, you tell her to take him on the weekends, you don't get to pick and choose which kids you want around.
I would also see if you can get him into some counselling, and fast, you can also sign him up for the big brother program.........

I wish I could help you more.
All the best.

It sounds like his mom will do more damage than good. Maybe his is better of away from her........these kids have very low self esteem.

Answer 3

I think your nephew should stay with your parents. They need assistance and they should contact the school and the Department of Social Services in your area, and connect with some type of counseling, probably a medical doctor or psychiatrist to see if he needs meds.

I don't think your sister should take him on weekends - your parents will do hard work with him all week and it will be undone in two days. Maybe your other siblings could assist in helping your parents make these connections. Your parents should also get a lawyer to have custody of this child turned over to them. Do the right thing for the kid and keep him away from his mother.

Answer 4

There is no way you can change your sister if she doesn't even care about her own son. I know you and your siblings have children but you can't give up on him. Its not his fault all that he has been through and all you are teaching him is that his mother doensn't care for him and none of you do either. If he is trying to molest his cousin, its cause he has been molested himself which is pretty sad that none of you are doing anything. Why is his father not in the picture? He needs help and if you and your family can't give it to him then the best option is social services....hopefully he will actually get a good foster home where they actually care!

Answer 5

It is approximately dual sisters who have been separated at start who uncover every different at a mall. They now reside in a single giant apartment, with their father and mother, Lisa and Ray. It is going on from while they're in core university to while they are in school. I was once on WB. It continues to be on Disney channel, however now not on plenty. Every weekday from two-three on ABC loved ones it performs. Nobody preferred Step-by means of-Step anymore, So they changed it with Sister, Sister. Does that reply your query?

Answer 6

Wow, this is really a dilema. But you know what, its not the childs fault. Excuse me because she is your sister but she does not have parenting skills. My sister had a hard time when she had her baby without a father figure around. We dont come from a rich family, but she managed to finish her nursing school and take care of her baby at the same time. He is the smartest little 5 yr old I know. He uses bigger words than me. So obstacles and problems have nothing to do with it. If she wanted to she could turn that childs life around. Its not his fault. Tell her what she needs to do and please tell your parents to also tell her. Good luck and may god bless you

Answer 7

First of all, give your grandparents a round of applause for taking the boy in. I think your sister should be taking some parental classes instead of just dropping the kid off on your grandparents like that. She should show that kid some love no matter what.

Answer 8

I feel that the kid got the bad end of that stick and i am so sorry for him. He really needs his mother support and attention or else it may cause serious problems in school an dthroughout his life.

Answer 9

no way is it wrong of you to tell your sis to get her act together. someone has to. i don't blame you for not wanting your kids around him. he really needs some help. maybe it's time to contact his bio dad. your parents may feel as though they should do this b/c they know your sis won't but, they've raised there kid's and this boy does have a father. maybe getting to know him could help. it's worth a shot.
best of luck with this.

Answer 10

serious intervention needs to happen here.
sending him to hell every weekend is not the answer. hmmmmm, wonder what is going through his mind trying to molest another sibling......
bless your parents for taking them in. i wish i knew where to turn, not being wise....try dr phil...for real...if you can get his attention here, he can get your nephew and his mother help before it is too late..hey it is worth a shot..
check his website, maybe there is a link on where to get kids help. or email him..
good luck..