my husband and i are going through some tuff times. he is curently on the other side of the world and befor he left our relationship was on the rocks, now i'm talking to him about divorce. We have a 3 month old daughter that he has never been able to meet, due to his job. he couldnt even be there for her birth. i'm worried that due to his lack of involvment in her life thus far he may not be to keen on the idea of taking an active role in her life if we do decide to seperate legaly. also seeing as we are sperated i have started dating a really nice guy who doesnt mind that i'm a mom, and he and my daughter seems to get along very well. Is it right of me to let there relationship grow knowing things might get comlicated between me and my soon to be ex?
2007-05-07 09:09:42 · 23 answers · asked by Sam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well you left some things out, is he still financially supporting or helping support you and your daughter? You mentioned he can't come because of his job. You are still married and should not date anyone until you are legally divorced. Not to mention you're right it will confuse your little girl. If he's really the "good guy" you believe, then he won't have a problem with keeping things on hold until you get the divorce, actually if he's as good as you suspect he will actually respect you for it. Good Luck
2007-05-07 09:18:34 · answer #1 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to hear that you are going through some tough times. I am sorry to hear about the divorce, when is he coming home, and how is your 3 month daughter going to handle this?
Is your husband in the service? Why are you seeing another guy if you are married, I suggest getting a divorce before you start exploring new men for a better husband and father for you and your daughter. I really think that you two should somehow communicate about this, and your decision, did you know he was going to be gone so long before you got married, maby you did not think about this enough before you said your sacred vows.
No, it is not right, at first you said you are married and now at the end of your question you said that you have a soon to be ex, has he agreed to sign the divorce papers, have you even had the papers delivered!!!
Once he finds out your plans, he will be devastated!!!!
I do not agree in you going behind his back and having another man play "daddy" while she still has a real "daddy"!
2007-05-07 16:25:14 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First your 3 month old daughter doesn't know any difference right now. There is no way to know if your husband will be a good dad or not and getting divorce won't make a difference.
However it is a huge mistake for you to think too much about your current boyfriend, and even more of a mistake for you be involving him with your daughter. You currently are cheating on your husband, planning for your daughter to have a new dad, and the divorce isn't even filed yet. You clearly have issues with maturity and selfishness. It's very likely that mister transitional man isn't even going to be in the picture in another year and you are planning your life with him.
Cart before the horse anyone?
2007-05-07 16:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First you really need to know if the current relationship is over or just on a temporary break. You really shouldn't involve this man into your drama right know. It isn't fair to him or yourself. Your child does need to be in the father's life but it will be up to him to continue that. I know it's hard to not have companionship but being a mom isn't about you anymore you have the child to think about and what's right for her. First of all if he finds out about the relationship with you and this man you will undoubtedly get hit in the face with this at the divorce hearing and you don't want to look like an adulterer. Also he can question your ability to be affective as a mother if he thinks this man will endanger the welfare of the child. See where I'm going with this. Just be careful and think about what your doing. If this guy likes you he'll wait it out with you. So end the marriage first then get on with your life.
2007-05-07 16:20:38 · answer #4 · answered by crt35 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your new friend is out for a piece of tail, he isnt interested in being your babies " daddy" if your husband isnt going to be there because of work, then I would divorce him, but I also would not think this new guy is going to be your knight in shining armor,
He will get along with your daughter so you will have sex with him, I would be extremely careful, kids grow up, and people have different ideas on how they should be raised
2007-05-08 10:02:44 · answer #5 · answered by rich2481 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, you have to do what is right for you and your daughter honey, and right now if that means seeing this other guy then by all means let the relationship grow and blossom. Don't rush things with him, as you are still technically married. Let him know up front that you will give the father the opportunity to be a part of your daughter's life but that he probably won't have much of an active role, and if he is ok with that, then continue on with it. Guy number two sounds like a sweet guy, and believe me, it's hard to find those nowadays, who accept both you and your kids! I was a single mom for about 4 years.
2007-05-07 16:16:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
First of all, you shouldn't be dating. You are still legally married. Secondly, give your husband a chance to be part of your child's life before assuming that he won't. If he chooses not to be part of your daughter's life, that's his choice, not yours.
Also, please be careful introducing men to your child. When you are ready to date (and I don't think you really are yet), let it be about you and the other man. No children should enter the picture right away. I think it's important to tell someone that you have a child, but as far as having them meet, that's not necessary.
Best of luck and please be careful.
2007-05-07 16:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by blondie0314 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sorry, but your daughter is 3months and she seems to be getting along with a guy you are now dating???? I understand that you need ur husbands support and he is far away...but why is your 3 month old around a stranger...i have a 6yr old that no man comes around unless he is absolutely serious...and you could not have been dating this guy for long right? your daughter is only 3months old.....
2007-05-07 16:18:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First off, dad doesn't seem to care, but if custody may be an issue I would first have the new guy checked out. If hes clean, and you trust him then having him around might be beneficial. If hes willing to stick by you through all the legal and emotional turbulence then he can provide some emotional support for you and baby. Besides, if things dont work with you and new guy, your child's at an age that she wont suffer any long term emotional lose.
2007-05-07 16:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by kiki 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
A s a parent YOU have to decide what is best for your child.Personally,dating someone isnt the time to allow a bond to grow between your child and this person.If it gets to marriage then that would be the time.Concentrate on being the best parent you can be.You are all she really has.
2007-05-07 16:15:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋