in laws make me feel like i'm "too good" for them when it comes to...?

Question

My in laws, Have this way of indirectly making me feel like I act like/think I am better than them when it comes to raising my children.

I choose not to use tap water when making my youngest daughters bottles, I instead, Use Nursery water. I don't heat her bottles up in the microwave, Instead, I use a pan of hot water to heat them.
(My daughter is 6 months old)...I choose not to give her any and everything in her bottle, They have given their children V8, regular milk, kool-aid, sugar water etc...from birth up for their children.
I choose to buy "expensive" diapers instead of the store brand, Mind you, I'm not above using store brand, Currently my daughter is wearing Kroger brand diapers, But I just feel Huggies offer more protection. Anyway - I don't act like I think I am better than anyone, becuase I'm not...But they have this way of making me feel like that, And it makes me feel inadequte when I am around them.

How can I make myself NOT feel this way?!

Answer 1

Remind yourself that you're doing the best you know for your children. That's your JOB. That's what you're supposed to do. It'd be shirking your duty to do anything less.

All unsolicited advice and criticism should go to the round file per SOP (standard operating procedure).

Answer 2

Well, you need to realize that you can not control how they feel. They are obviously feeling insecure and inadequete in their own parenting, or they would not care about the way you are. I find that the more insecure people are, the angrier they get when you are doing something you feel strongly about.

I have found that to be the case many times with the fact that I exclusively breastfeed. The only rude comments I have ever gotten have been from women. The thing is, I couldn't care less about what anyone else chooses to do. I never make anyone feel badly for their choices, yet some women get all offended like I am calling them a bad parent. KWIM

I would try not to let them get to you. They own those feelings not you. If it wasn't the water or diapers you use, it would be something else.

Answer 3

Just ignore them. As long as your baby is healthy and happy you care for her as you feel most comfortable. I have a 10 month old baby and I would never give her kool-aid, or V8....none of that crap...but when my daughter was on formula we would buy the store brand and the same for diapers and wipes since we are tight with money...but my mil doesn't listen to anything that i say. She tried to give my kids soy milk and i do not approve....when my daughter was like 6 months old she was letting her east toast! and just a couple of weeks ago i told her not to give my daughter fruit and she was giving her grapes......sometimes I want to beat her!

Answer 4

I have someone in my family that kinda makes me feel that way (I know they don't mean too, it's just their honest unguarded reaction to things sometimes).

This may be horrible on my part, but it is what helps me breathe and feel more calm when I am in an uncomfortable situation around them.

They have kids who are older than my girl and are a bit, let's say, wild. So (in my mind only...not ever to them) I compare them to my girl to remind myself that my "high maintnenance style" is benefitting her.

They didn't need a high chair for their kids...now their kids don't have a clue how to sit at the table and eat like decently behaved children, my 15mos girl uses a fork almost all the time.
They fed them what was easy...their kids are now picky eaters, my girl eats a wide variety of healthy foods.
They let their middle son get up at night when he was difficult to put to sleep...now he has HORRIBLE sleep habits, I fought through all the steps and now my girl puts herself to sleep and sleeps the whole night through.
They had to buy a whole new outfit, diapers, and wipes (I won't describe what happened...gag me) when we were shopping one time, yet they wonder why I bring all the stuff I do in my diaper bag. I've only ever had to leave someplace with her because of her mood (needed a nap or something) never because of unpreparedness.

Just do what you have to in order to keep the peace on this one. It's a no win situation.

Answer 5

It's your child whom you can choose to raise however you see fit (provided everything in a safe manner, lol). They will continue to use the "when I was raising kids," and "we never did that," until the day they die. Problems will come when (and if) you allow them to watch your daughter. They probably will make her bottle with tap, and will use the microwave or hell, won't heat the bottle at all. None of these are earth shattering, mind you. Pick your battles with inlaws. You'll be stuck with them for a while. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I see nothing wrong with your parenting skills. I did the same thing with my daughter. I used nursery water and bought the good diapers. You are trying to be the best mom you can be. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting the best for your child. I didn't take any flack from anyone about my choices though and I'm sorry that you are. If you have to remind them from time to time who's child it is, then to do it.

Answer 7

No one knows better whats best for your children than you. Don't worry about what they think or say. I am sure you are raising good kids. Unless they are paying the bill, whats it to them what diapers or water you use.

P.S. I don't think the store brands are very good either. I used Huggies for my daughter and Luvs for my son. That is what seemed to work best for them!

Answer 8

You just have to keep in mind that is your child not theirs. You do what you think is best. I use nursery water, just because the water in our town has the floruide and chlorine added, I don't like it, so I am not about to make my kids drink it.....also, I use name brand diapers and take flake for that, but the cheap ones just don't hold up as well. And things were just done differant when you and I were that age. We know so much more know....you just have to let it go, as hard as that is.

Answer 9

First things first. Your in-laws are not making you feel inadequate ~ you are ALLOWING what they may think to influence how you feel about yourself. Are you concerned about your daughter's welfare, do you love and care for her? Do you want the best for her? Are you there when she needs you? Okay. Then you are already a better Mom than a vast majority of the "parents" I am in contact with on a daily basis. You have to remember - you gave birth you your child(ren) and you are their mother. People who have already raised their children ALWAYS have ideas on how others should do it! Follow your heart. Make a joke of it if you need to. Refuse to discuss it with your in laws. Avoid the issue. But go with your own instincts! You sound like a great mom!

Answer 10

Bottom line is that it’s your child and it’s your choice as how to raise her. Just feel confident in yoru decisions and get used to it. They’ll be making helpful suggestions until your daughter is 49 years old.

Just practice answering in short simple sentences with a smile. "Thanks for your advice but I find that Huggies don't leak as much." "I know it might seem like a silly expense to you, but I don't like tap water for my daughter." "I really don't feel comfortable in giving her that yet and my doctor has advised me not to."

Then, when they start to argue with you, listen with smile and repeat the sentences above. Don't get in an argument with them.

Also, if you find something that you can ask their advice about, and then take their advice about, it will make them feel better. You aren't required to do so, but it would go a long way to making a good relationship. Calling them up and saying "hey, what did you do about so and so?" is a good start.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Listen, all you are doing is doing the best things for your child and you should never feel guilty about that! That's silly, and it's even more so if they are TRYING to make you feel bad! You shouldn't feel like you are being made out to be superior or something. At any rate, certainly don't let that hinder your endeavors to take the best care of your child. Best of luck :)