How do I get women to slow down ?

Question

I am 44, about a year off of a divorce, was married 17 years...my problem is, it seems all women are ready to be in love and serious....after just a few dates...I have met some nice girls and probably could get serious in due time....I try to explain that I want to take it slow get to know each other..but that seem to offend them even more....
It's not that I don't want a serious relationship....for me that takes time...I guess it could be me...I haven't been in the dating game for a long time...any woman out there with advice...I would be happy to listen...

Answer 1

any woman who doesnt respect that you want to take things slow isn't worth your time. There's plenty of women out there who like to take things slow as well!

Answer 2

From the perspective of a 20-something woman, I would say that you have to understand that some women might not be coming from the same place that you are. You've been married and divorced before, so naturally, you'll want to be a bit more cautious in starting relationships in the future. Some people haven't lived through that type of difficult experience, however...so they're probably more eager to get things started (and wear their hearts on their sleeves, so to speak).

Be upfront with the women you date from the start that you were recently divorced, aren't in a rush to be serious, and want to take things slow. The right woman will understand this and be willing to be patient with you.

As a woman, I admit that sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing between "he wants to take things slow" and "he isn't that into me." Be careful not to let your caution be misinterpreted as disinterest. It's okay to move slowly in relationships, but if you move TOO slowly, many women assume that you're not really that interested.

My heart goes out to you...best of luck with this situation.

Answer 3

Consider more traditional dates then. Dinner and going to a club usually give the girls some sort of idea about moving things faster in a relationship.
Try a walk on the beach, or horseback riding. A walk in the park perhaps. Something that is calm and relaxing to the girl and you.
Dinner is just to "proposey" (which is what I call it because it is the most common pace to propose to someone). And clubs are filled with drunk 20 year olds, and when you're 44 or something around that age. It gets a girl thinking about being young and how relationships then were always fast paced.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

well obviously you must be a great guy or else they wouldn't want to get serious so quickly. If you have told a woman upfront what you are looking for and how you want things to be and still they insist to move at a jet speed - simply make them understand that you dont mean to be cruel or mean - however they are such wonderful ppl that you wouldnt want to jump into anything quickly - but instead savour them like a delectable piece of swiss chocolate.

hhhhmmmm, i wish a guy would say that to me....anyways, good luck!!!
and congrats on a divorce not making you bitter and revengeful - seen too much of that occuring since im with a divorcee. i know what im talking about...

Answer 5

A couple of things....first it might take you longer than a year after the divorce to start to feel good and want another relationship. (Usually takes 1 year for 5 married) Second, keep being honest and discerning and you will find the right one.

I dated 22 women after my divorce (having waited 5 years to date) before finding THE ONE. Be patient, stay true to yourself, and it will work out.

Answer 6

you gotta remember tho im sure of of those women you are dating have gotten out of marrages and most likley have been on the market for a while, so when they find something suitable such as a handsome man like yourself they jump all over the oppurtunity to scoop you up.
besides like someone commented previously older women are in or getting to their prime where as you were in yours at the age of 18.
im only 21 and am still in my prime, ive dated women that could be my mother because thats what they want is a physical relationship.

most older women i see like that are horn dogs big time they see a nice guy the exact opposite of their deadbeat drunk ex husband ect and they are umm physically frustrated they go wild and want an adult relationship immediatly (lets move in together, lets go to the beach every week, lets go and do this yada yada yada)

just try to set some ground rules but dont make it strict, dont go overboard or drive them off just say i dont want a physical relationship after a few dates i'd like to move slow because im new to the market and its been a while so im dating around and would like to see what you have to offer before i get in too deep.

but be sure not to screw yourself over and tell everyone no no no beause when you want it to be yes, they will all be like well you said no once before soo.. no

Answer 7

Trust me, when you meet the right woman, you will be in just a big of a hurry as all those women are with you. Women tend to jump right in, hoping any problems will magically work out, or that they will mold the man into what they want. Women that age have few options in a mate, and if you are remotely close to what they want, they are willing to give it a shot. When the right one comes along, you will know it. Hold your ground and wait for the right woman for you.

Answer 8

well most women assume that at 44 your tired of the games and the late night partying,you have to tell a female up front that you just got out of a long marriage and your just looking for a little fun.If your pretending to be interested in something serious your barking up the wrong tree,you'll do better just being truthful.

Answer 9

it appears that you are meeting women who believe that they are racing against the clock. they think that because they are older, if they dont get a man pinned down quick, they are going to be an old maid. just explain to them that even though you appreciate them wanting to move faster, you are not ready and want to take it slower. if they dont understand, then you just saved yourself from someone who wouldn't be good for you anyway. dont settle, just have patience. if you have this problem often, that probably means you aren't a bad guy. if you wait long enough the right one will show up, and you wont have to explain yourself to them about why you want to go slow. good luck man!!

Answer 10

The problem is you just havent found the right woman yet. Most women are willing to wait and do not want to jump into something that fast. Maybe they feel that you are such a good catch that they just cant let you get away. :)