For performing artists, any advice on separating frustrations from your associates and from public view?

Question

I'm in a band, and I'm new to performing arts in general, and I've always known that there would be friction between bandmates, and that you CANNOT let this go public, nor project any irrational anger onto them.

However, in practice I'm finding it difficult to implement this.

Any advice on how to vent, when to vent, where to vent, so that it's constructive? I realize sometimes I may be misperceiving things going against me, and that I need to be more patient. Sometimes, though, I just want to let it all out somehow.

Thanks!

Answer 1

You're so right. Friction between band members is so rampant... AND you're right about not letting that friction show on stage.

OK there are some things you can do.

1. If this is a brand new band, I'd find a different group of people to play with - the best excuse is "I would rather not play music - than to lose your friendship over these awful fights."

Trust me, you'll be more respected for wanting to keep your friendships.

2. If this is a well-established band and you're brand new to it, then swallow it. Let someone else be the leader. Have no opinion at all, stay out of fights etc. Then, after giving things a chance to gell (or not) decide if this group is for you or not. If so, then continue to swallow it. If not, then see excuse above.

3. Look at yourself. Yep. Look long and hard at yourself. What are you doing to contribute to the friction? Are you trying to boss people around? Are you thrusting your opinion in on everything? Do you have to have the last word? I don't know, I'm not there - but be sure you aren't contributing to the fracas. And, if you are, then make a concerted effort to keep quiet about things. Especially little things that really don't matter.

Now, if your group wants to promote a cause or perform a song you find patently offensive, that's one thing. Voice your opinion and make it stick and be prepared to leave the band. I quit a band because they wanted to do a political song supporting a cause/person in power that I find offensive - in the guise of, of all things, a gospel song. I found it so disgusting I finally used the excuse above and quit the band. Too bad as it was a really good band - except for their political beliefs.

Answer 2

I am not in a band, but I certainly understand how you might want to let it all hang out, this is a fault of both of ours, LOL I don't know when you find the answer to this then maybe you can tell me. They act like they hear and then it is not really what you said, LOL