I WANT TO DIE?

Question

Please help.a guy kept on inviting me so i kept him as a contact but he meant nothing to me.my boyfriend of 4 years asked to see my contacts,and to avoid any trouble,i deleted the guy,little knowing that my boyfriend had seen my contacts-this guy too before.now he thinks i cheated on him and is upset at why i lied about not knowing ths guy.i told my boyfriend the truth,i didnt cheat,etc but he is leaving me.plz help,im falling apart,i hav no family here,am writing exams,i gave my bf evrything but he is leaving.

Answer 1

You've learned a powerful and very painful lesson, but that's not the end of it. There's really no way for you to prove anything to your boyfriend. If he is completely convinced that you've cheated, then I'm afraid it might be over.

There is still a chance for it to work, but only if you can change his mind. You've already told the truth, now you must accept and admit to him you understand how he feels and that you wouldn't want it to happen to you, either. But be firm in your denial of cheating. People do get second chances, and a dumb mistake, which this obviously was, shouldn't necessarily destroy a relationship.

If, and only if, he will still talk to you about this do you have a chance to salvage this.

I'm truly sorry and wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

number 1 .... if your boyfriend is that jealous.. statistically speaking.. he has probably cheated... that's the most common reason for a guy to be that worked up about it...

number 2.... if he is leaving for something like that then he was going to leave anyway and was just fishing for a reason.

number 3... yes you should have been honest from the start.. but it's a minor issue.. see number 2.

number 4... it sucks.. there's no reason to sugar coat it.. and it's going to suck for a while.. but it will get better.. you can't see that now.. I know.. so trust me on that one... take care of yourself.. you are the most important part of your life.. not him.

number 5... there is a chance this will just blow over and he'll say he's sorry and come back.. but DON'T BANK ON THIS AND DON'T WAIT FOR IT... live your life and wait for no man.. be strong and independent.. it's the only way to find true happiness.


I know you won't follow my advice directly.. but remember it.. and when you make the mistakes that anyone would make in your situation.. think about what I've said and learn... then in the future you will be a much stronger person.

Answer 3

Well trust is a must in a relationship and if your boy friend doesnt trust you...I believe explaining will do any help. Its hard for any girl in this situation but the first thing you should do is get out of this whole insecurity thing. Your boy friend is a little hot about all this, makes sense from a guys point of view, if he really loves you he will miss you...he will realize that there is truth in what you told him. But this may take sometime. I am sure this guy is going to come back to you...in the mean while concentrate on things that are important to your life.

Answer 4

calm down
first let him go, i know that sounds awful but he needs a little space to think it all through in his head. Tell him again that you have done nothing wrong if he refuses to believe you then im sorry but you cant have a relationship with out trust. he has 2 choices believe the girl that has loved him for 4 years or walk away from the relationship through lack of trust. I know its hard but in a way this is a big test on whether or not you should be together, i hope he makes the right decision because you obviously love him very much

Answer 5

If you honestly told him that you didn't do anything, what more can you do? If he is going to be an asshole and not give you a chance to explain then forget him. You don't want a guy that wants to go through your contacts, anyways. Forge that bull. Have you cheated before? If not why would he have any reason to suspect that anyways? this guy is obviously immature and insecure if he's wanting to look through your stuff instead of taking your word. It may seem hard if you don't have any family/friends etc. But, if you've made it without him before, you can do it again. He is not your whole world. You will be alright. Life goes on. Stay strong and good luck.

Answer 6

Is he really worth all that? I mean, if you've told him the truth and he still walks out on you it sounds like he's kind of a loser to be honest. You must have suspected that he's the incredibly jealous type to have deleted this other guy to begin with... trust is important in a relationship. So is forgiveness. Since you mention you're writing exams, I can tell you're still in school so just know from someone who's been there: I've had my heart broken countless times and also wanted to die, but I would have missed out on meeting my current husband who drives me nuts but is the love of my life (who'd have thought it back then in school?) Be strong, think about all the wonderful possibilities out there waiting for you... women are only 48% of the population, you know! Lots of fish in the sea... you may just catch a better one!

Answer 7

First of all... Take a deep breath... It's going to be ok... I PROMISE... Right now he's just hurt that you lied to him. Give him a couple of days to calm down, and everything should be back to normal. Put yourself in his shoes... Wouldn't you think the same thing if he had deleted some girl off of his list??? So lying, was definitely NOT the best thing to do... HOWEVER, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who will go behind your back and check up on you??? I know you love him and all, but to have a successful relationship, you must trust each other. Without trust, things get a LOT more difficult. Give him some time to cool off and try talking to him then, ok???

Answer 8

I understand that you're hurting right now, but know that this too shall pass. It's not the end of the world. Take a breath, step back, and look at the situation. If your boyfriend is acting like this, there are probably deeper problems.

First, do you really want to be in a relationship where someone is abusive of you? Jealousy and mistrust of a partner is abusive.

Second, many times jealousy or suspicion of a partner comes from a guilty conscience. It may be that your boyfriend has been unfaithful, and is pointing the finger at you to take attention off of his own infidelity.

Here's some websites about abusive relationships and warning signs:

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm
http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/Brochures/addict.htm

Third, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Maybe it's a good thing that you break up with, or at least take a break from your boyfriend. Focus on you and your life.

Fourth, Look at the positive side of this. If your boyfriend is being abusive now, you're definitely better off without him. You deserve a happy and healthy relationship, and you're not getting that from your boyfriend. Move on.

Here's some websites about getting over breakups:

http://www.ehow.com/how_13305_over-breakup.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnsbreakingup/0,,nll,00.html
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/theas10tips.html
http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/relation/dating/ls_breakup.html

Just know that this isn't the end of the world. You're young and you have a lot of time for relationships. Make sure that your relationship with yourself is healthy first before involving yourself with someone else. You can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself; and you can't love yourself until you know who you are.

Take some time for yourself. It's hard being in a place where you don't have family nearby, but you can always make new friends. Sometimes friends are better than family anyway. If you don't have friends where you are now, go out and make new friends.

Here's some websites on how to make friends:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
http://www.ehow.com/how_15379_make-friends-college.html

Just remember that when it comes to relationships, whether it be romantic relationships, friendships, or your relationship with yourself; you deserve the very best.

Also remember that you have your agency and freedom. You're allowed to talk to whomever you want, have whomever you want in your contact list, etc. If someone can't deal with that, they're not worth having a relationship with.

Good luck. I wish you well.

-Ashley

Answer 9

Ya know. If he can't accept what you say then he's never going to accept what you say whether its a lie or the truth. Its about having trust and if he doesn't believe you then you need to just move on.. BUT if the love is real then you can show your previous messages to your bf and say look this is my proof I haven't cheated on you. My ex did this to me when we first started dating I was SOOO sick but he did cheat on me, I let it go and 3 years later he did it again. So he's going to have a trust issue with you if he does decide to stay and its going to make your life living hell because he won't believe anything you say from here on out. I know it sucks but you hide something now your sweetie is onto you. I wouldn't feel guilty because you haven't done anything but had another dudes info on your contracts guys can be soooo jealous over another dude. But keep ya head up don't let it get to you because if he really cared about YOU it wouldn't have been a big deal but it doesn't believe you or he wouldn't have asked to see your contacts in the first place - look at his phone or his contacts.. You maybe surprised too!

Answer 10

Hey hey, sloow down.

First off, you told your boyfriend the truth. Thats all you could do. I'm sorry to say this but if your boyfriend couldn't trust you to begin with, what kind of relationship is that?

It does look a bit dodgy, and I know you didn't cheat. However if he really loved you he wouldn't leave you. If you want him back then you need to write him a letter, tell him "I told you the truth, and thats all I can do. I'm sorry you can't trust me, have I ever cheated? Have I ever done anything for you to doubt me like this? If I didn't want to be with you, I would have told you so. I haven't so doesn't that tell you anything?"

Good Luck, why don't you send this page to him?