My wedding is in three months, and I just found out that my mother thinks my fiance doesn't treat me well.

Question

She started off the conversation by saying that he's not there for me...he wouldn't be away cat/house sitting if he was really "there" for me. When we talked a little bit about the wedding, her words were "If you are determined to go through with this..." She ended up crying - and me in shock, as I didn't know she felt this way. She is an extremely intelligent woman, and I value her opinion. I love my fiance...but am now wondering if I'm about to make a huge mistake. Is true love really all about the other person worshiping the ground you walk on? I don't mind that he cat/house sits, I only mind that he says yes to doing it - then forgets he's agreed to it, and then forgets to tell me. We don't have have children, and both enjoy having alone time - so it doesn't seem that serious to me. Does my mom see something that I just can't?

Answer 1

You need to sit back and look at the situation objectively. I know this is hard to do, by try and take the emotion out of it. Look at the whole situation. Did your mom give you any specifics? How does he treat you really. Does he always treat you like you are his queen? Or does he talk down to you? Does he put other people or events before you- Or are you his highest priority? Really this is a great time to think about all of this. With three months the invites have probably not gone out. You say you are wondering if this is the right thing- How often do you wonder this, is it nagging at you? Did you have the doubting feelings before?

Really think about this now and put serious thought into it. Love IS NOT enough. Get this all worked out before you get married. I would hate for you to have several kids and decide that your mother was right. Pray about it.

ON the other hand, is your mother usually meddlesome? DOes she try to run your life? You need to look at all of that as well.

Good luck. Really put some thought into this.

Answer 2

You have given her plenty of chances and she is just rude and there is nothing you can do about it. I have the same issue with some of my fiance's family members. I have been with my fiance for now almost 8 years and some of his family members has still not come around to treating me better than when I originally came to the family. Take it with a grain of salt. She is not someone who you will be interracting with all that much due to the fact that she does not live near you. I would not worry about it. As for his mother, kindly explain to her that if she wants peace and harmony then she is speaking to the wrong end of the situation and that she needs to address her daughter and keep her in check because you are done with the situation. No, you do not need to have her in the wedding and you should not have to change your plans and elope because your fiance does not want to deal with his sister and mother. Have the wedding, have who you want in the wedding party and let it go. You can drink if you want to because the last I checked, she is not God. If she does not like drinking them maybe she should not be in a location where they serve drinks. This is ya'lls life, not her's, so it does not matter how much you pay his mother in rent and next time she asks those questions tell her it's none of her business. I understand that it's his family and you don't want to offend anyone, but don't make the mistake I did. I held my tongue and allowed them to mistreat me and did not stand up for myself because he didn't want friction in the family. It all blew up one day and that's not good. You are a woman and you have the right to say what you feel. Maybe get ready to leave his mothers house because as long as you are there then she is going to keep disrespecting you. I lived with my fiance's aunt and paid her a good amount of money and I was subjected to being verbally abused, her coming in my room in the morning and throwing clothes at me and then the night before I was set to move out, being threatened to have my stuff throw outside that night because I did not agree with her taking control of how I was going to move my belongings out. There is no reason why someone should be trying to deal with unreasonable people. Good luck with the planning and I really hope ya'll get out of the house soon!

Answer 3

Maybe your mom has opened your eyes to see something that you can't see. But if you take a step back and still are completely in love with your fiance then you should still marry him. If your mom loves you so much, then she will learn to accept him no matter what. If you feel like he's there for you then you have nothing to worry about. But figure it out before you take the plunge that way you don't make a huge mistake! Good luck!

Answer 4

Honestly, it sounds like maybe she's seeing things you aren't or isn't telling you something you need to know. If you guys really love each other and care about one another, then whatever she's so upset about may not be such a big deal. Cat/house sitting is a very small issue. SHe needs to give examples or give you a defitinition of how she thinks he won't "be there for you" kind of thing....she might just be 'freaking' out that you guys are really going to go through with the wedding, you know?

Answer 5

This is a really hard predicament. You have to actually sit back and ask your self a couple of questions. Does your fiance love you and take care of you and treat you well. Because you cant spend the rest of your life with somebody that isn't going to help you financially, physically, and emotionally. If you do not think he is going to be there for you then I wouldn't do it. On your Mothers point she is probably scared for you she does care about you any mother does their child. Your mother just probably doesn't want you to make the same mistakes that she has in her life time. So my Best advice to you is to sit back for 1 month and observe and see if you are really ready to spend your rest of your life with ONLY ONE MAN!!!! Or is he the right one you are to spend the rest of your life with....If he makes you feel incredible my dear i would do it if not i wouldn't

Answer 6

Do you think he treats you well? Do people that see you together regularly like your friends think he does? As long as you feel he treats you well that's all that matters.

I have been married for 2yrs, my husband forgets to tell me stuff like things he has to do or classes he has to go to all the time, its a guy thing i guess. Get a calender and tell him you are writing all the important things you have to do on it so he will be aware and it would be great if he could do the same, the system seems to work for my husband and I except for the occasional slip up, but hey it happens.

Answer 7

Listen to your mother. Please listen to her. You can't go backwards. She has been where she knows you are headed. You are lucky that you have a mother that is involved in your life and is willing to take the chance to articulate her feelings. You can cancel the wedding easier than you will be able to file for divorce and if there's children involved.... oh no! Please listen to your mother. Call the wedding off. It's not about "love." It's about business. If he was your business partner; if he was your co worker would you continue working with him? I don't think so. I think you'd drop shop and find a better partner. A husband is more than anything else, a partner.
Good luck in whatever you do.

Answer 8

Your mom could see something you don't, but what it comes down to is how you feel about how he treats you. If you feel like he's good to you, then go with that...but if you think there might be some truth in what your mom has said then you need to look deeper and decide what to do.

Answer 9

Sometimes we don't see what our mom's can. I would seriously think about it before going through with this. Although if you love him and feel you can work through all your problems then don't pass off your chance for happiness.

Answer 10

Your Life - make your own mistakes BUT go into this with eyes wide open and be honest with yourself.