What do I do/say if my daughter tells me she wants to live with her Grandma forever?

Question

She's 4?

Answer 1

Tell her that you'd miss her too much, love her too much, and what in the world would you do without her?

It shows her that you aren't belittling her request, nor are you playing into the fact that she is trying to hurt you in her four year old way.

My daughter (almost 4) does this sometimes with me. Only it'll be like, "I wish Daddy was taking me to school today" or "OH I wanted Daddy to do such and such" and I'll just say, well, daddy wanted to do it, too but I told him that I got to be the lucky one today. That kind of thing.

Answer 2

Is "Grandma" your mom? If so, try to remember all of the good things your mom DID offer when you were little. Then reminisce about it with your daughter. Just say, "Oh, I know. Isn't it wonderful baking those little cookies with the jam centers with Grandma? I love to be with Grandma too."

Make sure she absolutely understands that Grandma is your mommy, or, if she's you husband's mother, talk about how special your own grandma was to you. Then tell her you are so happy to be her mommy. Maybe you could spend time together, all three of you, to make the bond inter-generational. And be sure to let her know that Grandma will always be available. (Hopefully, this will be the case until she's much older.)

The most important thing is that you don't let your feelings get in the way so that competition is set up between you. Your daughter needs validation that Grandma is the best. Otherwise, why would you send her to Grandma's? You can't take her there, then belittle Grandma or get defensive.

I never got to know my own Grandmother because she divorced my grandfather, took my mom's sister with her, and left my mom with her dad. My mom always felt left out when she visited her mom. My mom had two daughters--my sister and me. She repeated the pattern, not be leaving, but by making my sister her "special" one and leaving me out. To this day, I feel it. Parents can do some crazy things trying to heal their own pasts or serve their own needs.

Don't feel defensive. Encourage your daughter in her love for Grandma.

Answer 3

Ahh...I remember telling my mom that I wanted to live with grandma at that age. I'm 48 now. You don't really have to give it much of a comment since she doesn't really mean it. If your daughter has a grandma like I have (yes, she's still living at 91 1/2 years old!) who is fun, loving, and gives lots of attention, then it makes sense to want to live with them, especially if things are not so much fun at home (like when having to take a bath, eat your vegetables, and pick up your toys!). Whenever she tells you that, just say something simple like, "If you always lived with Grandma, I would miss you very much." or "If you lived at Grandma's, could I come and visit you sometimes?" Don't get upset by it, just make a little game out of it, and eventually the 2 of you will be giggling and best buddies and you'll be "the best mom in the whole world" again. You daughter is very fortunate to have a grandma she loves and who loves her in return.

Answer 4

Well. shes 4.. she doesnt think about the future. Shes talking in the present.. You should say to her something like, "Well, we can visit grandma, but if you stay with her forever I'll miss you."
Maybe she wants to live at grandma's house because grandma spoils her, or has lots of cool stuff at her house.

Answer 5

She will tell you that she wants to runaway all the time. One of the kids I used to babysit for told his mom one time he was running away to my house. Ask her how she plans on getting there and she needs to call and ask grandma if it's okay. She's just going through a phase.

Answer 6

say no, ur my daughter n u need 2 be with me. grandma's job is 2 be ur grandma, not ur mom. don't fret. i wanted 2 live with my grandma at that age. it's a phase.

Answer 7

shes still a baby she can say so many things that she dont really mean. also you might want to change how you are towards her maybe be more playfull with her spend more time wwith her she might want the attention grandma gives her so try giving her more attention and love at least what i mean is SHOW her more love do activities with her

Answer 8

lol....she's 4...grandma probably spoils her. my 4 year old would live with my mom in a heartbeat....no rules at grandmas house. tell her sorry but she cant....she'll forget about it. dont take offense.

Answer 9

dont pay attention to her she is only 4 my daughter says the same thing and she is three

Answer 10

Same thing most women do when their kids say they want their daddy... Just laugh. Or tell her how mean and brutal of a person he/she is. You'll scare the kids and win their hearts.