I feel like a bad mother?

Question

I feel like a horrible mother, I love my kids more then life itself they are boys ages 7 and 12. I have so much stress and depression going on in my life right now and I find myself yelling at them when they have nothing to do with it. I lay in bed at night a feel absolutly horrible for screaming at them and I cry. What can I do to control my emotions because I dont want to be this way towards my children they are good kids

Answer 1

See a doctor. You need professional help, if you are depressed, you should get help, for your sake and your sons'.

Answer 2

Everyone gets frustrated, stressed and depressed -- you wouldn't be human if always were on top of things! The kids are usually only a small part of the big picture of what's really troubling you. Sometimes its work, or your relationship (or lack there of), or money in general. At least you recognize that you have good kids ('must have done something right) and they are not the cause of your problems. Yelling accomplishes nothing, in fact, it builds more tension than it releases, so stop --- you can and you obviously want to. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. Rather than expressing your remorse through bedtime tears and online chats, go to your boys and apologize for yelling. Don't give excuses, but rather let them know it's not them, that you haven't been feeling yourself lately, but it's no excuse for yelling. You will all feel a bit better as a result.

Needless to say, you need a support network. Sounds like you are going through a lot of things on your own when you don't have to. If you have a significant other, now would be a good time to lean on them, otherwise family, friends and neighbours are great to talk to when you need a voice of comfort and reason. Professionals can help you get other parts of your life in track and be sure to leave some quality time with the kids and on your own....it's important so make time for leisure.

Answer 3

Sometimes I yell at my 10 year son old too much too. And then I feel exactly like how you described. I have found that a sincere, heartfelt apology toward him usually makes both of us feel better. I explain that I was stressed out at the tim e and I shouldn't have said that, or yelled that much, or cursed at him , or whatever I did... But I also make sure and tell him what he did was wrong, but my reaction was wrong too. Because usually the yelling is stemmed by something they do wrong to begin with, right?

For the future, try to leave the room , or count to 10, or som ething like that before you go off on the. It's very hard to do because, in a way, the yelling feels good at the time because your releasing your anger. And it takes a lot of practice to do it. But, you will find after you practice it a lot, it will come easier.

It's really hard to be a good mother and nobody's perfect. The most important thing is that you love them and they know it. Every mother has her faults and your yelling may not even be as bad as you think. Try not to feel guilty because it's just a vicious cycle.

Answer 4

Frankly, constant yelling at your kids is bad parenting. That's not to say that you are a bad parent, just that you made a mistake. There are two things that I believe you need to do here: First, talk with your boys. Tell them you are sorry, and why. Let them know how much you love and are proud of them. Assure them that you are going to do your best to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Second, you need to address the cause of your stress and depression. Maybe you just need an outlet... go to the gym or do kickboxing, ect. Maybe you need to get more rest. Plan your day so that you can get in bed and get a good 7-8 hours sleep each and every night. You may also need to talk to someone. There are many Christian counselors in just about every city that can really help. If its not free, it will at least be cheaper than most therapists, and they won't be jumping in their seats to put you on Prozac.

Remember that God loves you and will always take care of you. You just have to give Him the chance.

Answer 5

I grew up in a screwy house and my mom went through the same thing, She found herself yelling at me for dropping something or something stupid like that....one day she was yelling at me and i just stood there looking at her with this look like its ok mommy its ok that you are yelling. All of a sudden she stopped and got down and hugged me and said told me....no matter how crazy i get or upset am or start yelling or anything just remember its not you its me don't ever let someone eles bad mood ruin how you are feeling....I love you and you're a good girl.

After that I knew that i could be a kid and if my mom started ranting and ravign it wasnt me it was her and nto to let it bother me. I always knew my mom loved me and would do anything for me. As long as you reassure your kids taht you love them and they are the best in the world then they will be ok....she did eventually end up on meds for depression and it helped regulate her moods a bit and didn't yell at me so much. So i do recommend you talking to your doctor and tell him that you aren't doing weoll emotionally and its effecting thigns....if you don't get a handle on it now it cant lead to physical illness in the futurel...my mom has been in the hospital for anxiety as well so just take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids but make sure they know they are loved and are great while you work on you.

...If you are going though alot don't foret there is a possibility something isn't ok with your kids too i ended up on anti-depressents at age 13 cause of my home life and other things that happend...make sure that you are a mom and take care of them as well if they need it if your stresses is a stress on whole family.

You are not a bad mother, you are human and having human resposes and thats ok.

Answer 6

Ask for help. Explain to a trusted friend or relative about your situation. Tell them you need some time for yourself to relax. Ask them if they will watch your boys for an evening or an afternoon. Better yet, a whole weekend. Get away to a spa, or just relax at home (no housework!!!!!) or go out with another friend. Do this often, at least once a month, more if you can swing it. You are not a horrible mother, so often, we as mothers feel we have to do it all. Sometimes we forget that we have to take time for ourselves. Don't feel guilty about this. You want to give your boys all that you can and you cannot do that right now. Making time for yourself will allow you to refresh and regroup, allowing your time with your boys to be more positive. Wishing you well!

Answer 7

YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE MOTHER. YOU ARE A DEPRESSED MOTHER.

I also suffer from depression and I have yelled at my kids as a result. A person who suffers from depression with stress and anxiety place on top of that is not in control.

Get yourself to a doctor TODAY! and get on medication. Just enough for you to handle the stress. Then stay on medication even if you are feeling fine

Contact me.

Answer 8

First of all of course your not a bad mother. Every parent yells at their kids when their feeling stressed...that's totally normal. Their both at tough ages themselves but they should get it, that when you yell at them for no reason at all, that they realize your stressed out and need something to do. So just apologize to them and treat them to some ice-cream and have some fun with them. I'm sure they'll understand you didn't mean to yell at them. You should calm down though, you need to relax a bit and get some things out of your head that's bothering you. Remember your a GREAT mother, your kids know that and you know that, you just need to remember it even if you do yell at them, it's totally normal. Good luck on everything, and I hope all goes well for you in life. You shouldn't feel bad though, seriously.

Answer 9

Sounds you are going through depression. You will probably need to go see a Dr. and try an anti-depressant. It will help and you will feel so much better.
I went through the same thing, but I have been off of them for several years now. It is a temporary thing and you would not have to be on the medication forever, just until the stress in your life is lessened. Good luck!

Answer 10

I think you need to find a therapist or even just a good friend. That way you'll have someone to talk to about these emotions. Also, let you're kids know that they've done nothing wrong and that you're sorry for the way you've been acting. But I would defiantly suggest finding someone you can talk to and vent to, it may help.

Answer 11

I'm going through the same thing. My son is 13 and my daughter is 10. You should make an appt. to see your doctor and talk with him about your symptoms. You could be suffering from depression or anxiety disorder. (my doc just recently put me on cymbalta) Just tell your kids you love them and you are sorry for yelling at them. They understand more than you realize