feeling guilty about AdHd?

Question

My son, whom is almost seven and in first grade, has been diagnosed with adhd. I chose not to put him on meds, instead I quit my job in order to provide a more structured life for him. I removed most sugar, caffine and prossed food from his diet and I've worked with him non stop to improve his behavior and academic achivements. His behavior has improved beyond our wildest dreams and his school work is getting much better. Unfortunatly he will still have to be held back. His reading level just isnt up to par. I feel alot of guilt. I feel like he is going to be scared for the rest of his life because he couldnt move on with his class. If anyone has any words of encouragment they would be appreciated greatly. Advice as to what to do next would be great too. I just dont want to drug my baby.

Answer 1

You have no reason to feel guilty! You have taken such an admirable route in this situation by committing your life to meet his needs without medication. I really admire you for this. While I have no qualms about healthy adults taking ADD/ADHD meds, I do worry about how the meds could affect young, developing minds and it sounds like you have made all the right moves in treating your son without medication. Exercise is important too, strenuous exercise, to be precise.

As far as what to do next, that's a tough call. It can be hard on kids to hold them back, but not always. It sounds like he has so much love and support from home, I think he will pull through this just fine. Just explain to him that it's not him or how smart he is, it's the ADHD and he learning how to manage that beautifully. Spend lots of time with him (it sounds like you are doing this) continuing to find ways to manage his ADHD and improve his reading skills.

Also, pick a subject that interests him and teach him this at home (such as mythology, a specific branch of history, art history, etc.) and use this subject to apply and enrich his reading skills and make him feel knowledgeable in a subject many kids his age don't know about. Best wishes!

Answer 2

First, I have to say you are an amazing mother. So many people take easier routes with kids with ADHD, immediately put them on meds without trying behavioral approaches like you..... you are to be commended. And his progress is truly inspiring. Don't beat yourself up that he has to be kept back - he is still young, and kids are SO resilient. I guarantee you within 6 months he will fit right in with his new class and definitely won't be scarred at all. He would have a much harder time in the long run if he moved on and wasn't ready academically and was continually struggling.

You have done all you can and then some - he will be absolutely fine!! Keep doing what you're doing!

Answer 3

There are a few things you can do.....sometimes you can control ADHD with diet....cutting out dairy products is one way, giving your child black coffee also could help.
Get your son's school involved. Your son is eligable to get a lot of extra help in school. He should have an Individualized Education Program (IEP), which will spell out in detail what teaching techniques and what extra things he may need to help him throughout the day. (ie., a calculator for tests, a 5-10 minute break every hour or two, etc.) There are many things the school can do to help him, dont let them tell you nothing is available because it is. If you do not get anywhere with the school, call the superintendent, and if you still get no where, go right to the State Education Dept.

As far as his behavior, I would suggest a child therapist to help him deal with the emotional piece of the ADHD. This diagnosis will take its toll on a child, they feel inadequate or stupid...which is not the case. Sometimes a child phsychologist can help your child to sort out his feelings.

Answer 4

I'm guilty of medicating my son was diagnosed at the age of three and has been on meds since. He's 10 now. There should be no reason to hold him back if it is just his reading that is below average. The school should have a resourcee room that he can take his reading in. I do agree withe the pepsi thing it does work there have been times when I was unable to give his meds and I gave him a pepsi instead and it took the edge off.

I understand not wanting to medicate but being on the other side of it I can tell you that it is worth looking into. They have made many advancements in the meds and they are not as bad as they used to be.

Good luck to you and with time I hope your son oout grows it. Mine is starting to.

Answer 5

Being retained is never easy, but the earlier it's done, the easier and better it is for the child. It's good that you're handling the ADHD well. Keep up the good work. You might want to get him tested next school year for dyslexia or learning disabilities in reading and language. If he doesn't qualify, great, but if he would, he could get extra help. Stay in touch with the school, and don't dwell on the retention, especially in front of your son. I'd just tell him he needs more time to learn so that 2nd grade isn't so hard when he goes.

Answer 6

ask your doctor about trying strattera.... meds that are non-amphetamine. they wont affect your appetite as much, if they dont help with your adhd and you have to go back to a low dose of focalin, adderal or ritalin, then you wont feel as guilty bc its a last resort and you know you have tried everything else. make sure you try to eat as much as you can. especially in front of people bc if you have a history of eating disorders people will be watching so keep foods that you like around. nows not the time to eat steamed vegetables. if you want to keep ice cream and chocolate around bc ull eat it, just do it until you can get used to the meds and get up an appetite. your body will adjust. maybe a lower dose of the medication too. drink your calories also. like protein shakes. lay off the excercise its a good excuse to chill for a bit while you adjust to the meds. medication takes a toll of the body. light excercise, maybe yoga. i mean personally, i just take my dog on long walks, and eat whatever I can, Im in recovery from bulimia, and I take focalin every day. I eat when people are around as not to alarm them. That is key. I might not eat a lot, but I eat unhealthy foods which makes me look normal and I also have stayed thin. I'm 5'10 and size 4. I dont know what your judgement is of that but I look good, people say i should model. i kept my eating disorder secret for 6 years and treatment didnt help. i learned ways to overcome it. id post them but i want to write a book. however if you want to private message me Id love to work with you and see if my ideas work. Itd be useful for me too. Im 22 and have been there. trust me, i was the hopeless case. They never thought id make it. and I did.

Answer 7

Does your school have an Early Literacy program.This is offered in Ontario,Canada and is an excellent program.Have you asked if he could be placed in a split class ( grade 1-2 split).he could still be with some of his friends .It is a difficult situation but it is better for him to get a strong reading foundation now than to struggle because he has weak reading skills.Would your school allow him to pass with the assistance of an Educational assistat in class.Perhaps he could have some withdrawal from the regular class to get extra help in some academic areas.You need to ask about these services because sometimes they aren't readily volunteered. You should always put your concerns in writing , I think administration takes it more serious .Keep us posted. Take care.

Answer 8

If he's having reading problems I'd go and find a place to get him checked for dyslexia, it is not associated with ADHD, but some aspects of ADHD can be traced back to difficulties doing activities, which cause the person to act up more.

Answer 9

"my baby" Right there is where the problem lies..He is no longer a baby, he is a 7 year old child and will do just fine being held back. The ground isn't going to open up and swallow him and the world is certainly not going to end because he is held back. Life WILL go on. If you would stop being so damned dramatic he will do just fine.

Answer 10

Give him a coca cola or pepsi. All teh meds are are stimulants. Soem days its all my daughter needed to get her through. Not the best thing to do but safer than those meds were.