My boyfriend and I are waiting to have sex and have been together for 1 1/2 years....?

Question

We are both christians and have waited so far for a year and a half and its very important for us to wait. But is it wrong to "do stuff" sexually with each other if its not sex? We both dont really understand if its wrong or not and we want to do the right thing and waiting is already so hard as it is... Please help! Thank you for all your answers
=)

He is not seeing anyone else, thats stupid I know my own boyfriend but thanks. and I am asking online b/c I dont know who else I can talk to about it. I can ask my parents or friends. And we do have plans to get married but I want to wait until I finish college and he has 2 more years of college

Answer 1

Ignore the people who say you need to go ahead and just have sex.

I'm proud of you, because it shows that both of you want sex to be meaningful for you, and not just based on meeting emotional or sexual needs.

I think the advice about setting guidelines is appropriate. Also, since you are facing some temptation, make sure you two don't allow yourself in a situation where you might give in to temptation. That's the reason why my teenage daughter is not allowed to be alone with her boyfriend. She can be in a room alone with him, but not with a door closed.

You asked if it was wrong to "do stuff" - here's the problem. If you "do stuff" what happens when you cannot control yourself and you go farther than you originally wanted to. It's easy to get caught up in the feelings of that moment.

Let me put this into perspective for you.

In ten years, will you wish you had sex at this stage?
In ten years, will you regret having sex at this stage?

You two have no idea whether you both will get married to one another yet. So, what happens if you two break up, would you want this person to be your first, or would you rather that your husband was your first?

Hang in there!!

Answer 2

If you are betrothed, it is not deemed a sin. Even if you went all the way. The reasoning behind this is that in the old days, the monk or priest would come around to the villages only once a year to perform the marriages to the engaged couples. It was not unusual to find that within that year some couples couldn't wait. I think its been that way for a long time. Not exactly the way it ought to be, however, breaking an engagement was taboo.

The availability of priest and monks and ministers kind of negates that. If you are really in a hurry, you better marry.

Answer 3

Yes it is wrong to do the other stuff. Let me explain why, because it brings up passions and lust that then must be put out so it doesn't go any further. You are doing the right thing, and don't let any of the unbelievers who answer make you lose your faith or give in to the temptations of the flesh. Your marriage will be stronger and much better for doing it God's way. God bless you both and keep you both strong to do God's will in your life.

Answer 4

I'm not sure what exactly ya'll are doing and I don't want to get into your personal life by asking...the only thing I will say is that if it has gotten to the point that you're having oral sex...the keyword in oral sex is SEX. If your mouth is on his you know what and his fingers are in your you know where...it is sex...which will only lead to wanting more and eventually the fall into temptation. If you want to wait I would advise not starting something you can't finish. I have been there and done that and once you start it is hard to stop...the more things go on the more you don't want to say, "That's far enough."

Answer 5

Yes the Bible says that if you even think it, then you have already committed the Sin!! Sex isn't just intercourse. So if you are wanting to do the right thing then Stop doing those things. Be around other Christians who will continually lift you guys up and hold you accountable. Good luck

Answer 6

Just do what I did... get married.

All our rules and guidelines went out the window in no time as soon as we were alone anywhere ;)

We decided to get married 1 year in advance (we dated for 1 1/2 years) :P

We were supposed to get married after I finish my degree in engineering (four years of dating). We cut that short to 1 1/2 years of dating. We managed to live on my internships money. We didn't have a lot of money but we were very happy.

Answer 7

when we were dating, me and my husband had these guidelines and I think they are appropriate:

- you don't touch or kiss any part of the other person's body that they don't show bare in public; ie any part that is normally covered by clothing. We found this to be a good guideline, because when you venture into areas that are covered by clothing, you are getting VERY intimate, and your relationship becomes sexual even if you are not technically having sex.

- my boyfriend (before he became my husband) said it this way - "Stay out of mountains and valleys."

LOL

It's not easy, but pray about it and really discuss your boundaries. They need to be defined well, because it's easy to slip if they are ambiguous.

Answer 8

Although some might say that doing other things might not be wrong, it's not, but doing those "other things" can build up even more sexual appetite and create more sexual frustration for the both of you.

Answer 9

Good for you! I am sure that you are aware that 'doing stuff' makes one want to do more - so just be careful. It is good to value eachother enough to wait. If more people had values, there would be less divorce.

Answer 10

I do not think it is wrong its foreplay, if this is some one you plan on marrying.
God wants you to wait because when his Penis goes into you and you both climax together it connects you both spiritually he takes a piece from you and you from him. that is a privilege only for a married couple.