Okay...so my boyfriend's sister has just moved back home this week after being away for 6 years. She and my boyfriend were very close when they were living at home together. Well, now that she is back she goes EVERYWHERE with us!!! She is 25 years old!!! We didn't spend anytime alone this week. To make matters worse, my boyfriend is not affectionate with me in front of her and he actually pays more attention to her than me!! Am I wrong for being jealous and wanting to spend time alone with him?? Should I just lay low and hope that as time goes by she will stop inviting herself everywhere with us?? That's the other thing, my bf said that he just feels bad not letting her go with us b/c she is bored and lonely...and he thinks after a few weeks she won't go with us everywhere, but I don't think that's gonna happen. What should I do??
2007-05-07 04:08:26 · 15 answers · asked by missinghim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
STAY CALM. You have to realize that you are trying to fight against a lifetime relationship. Imagine it this way...if she just came back after so long. Me misses her. It is normal. Your boyfriend is not as affectionate in front of her, because of a lifetime of not feeling comfortable to express affection in front of his sister. It probably started in grade school and is nothing new. I haven't seen my closest sister for two years. If she suddenly moved back to town, I would see her every day as well.
Be patient. Remember, she is in a new environment and not so comfortable herself. She will make reconnects with others and get more and more out of your immediate range. But they obviously care very much for each other.
However, this does not entirely let him off the hook. But you have to have a serious NON-JEALOUS conversation with him. Tell him that you miss your alone time together, BUT, you understand his situation. Have one or two nights a week that are your time with him. Tell him that if he gives you that, you will be fine with her being around so much.
But, if you love this guy, you have to know that he is not doing this to HURT you. Right? And, he probably doesn't know just how hurt you are right now.
Blood runs VERY deep and their relationship developed over a lifetime. Cut everyone involved some slack, including your bruised feelings. GL...Kes
2007-05-07 04:28:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough, but give it time. If they are that close and have been apart for 6 years, they need to reconnect. Be glad they're including you in their time together, cuz he could be leaving you at home and just hanging out with her. I'm thinking once she's back awhile and makes new friends or hooks up with old friends, she won't spend as much time with you. Grin and bear it cuz if you get pissy about it, you might lose your boyfriend. Remember, blood is thicker than water. Make an effort to get to know her on a personal basis. You might find you really like her, and that will only benefit your relationship with him. Good luck!
2007-05-07 11:16:19 · answer #2 · answered by classic1957gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a month or so. If she still keeps following ya'll have an audience with your b/f and her about it. Chances are, she's just lonely and bored like ur bf rightly said. After all she's been away for 6 years and may be finding it a bit difficult to adjust, plsu most of her friends may have moved and so on. So give it time. Try to put yourself in her shoes. I can understand why you may be upset but part of loving someone means making sacrifices. By being lenient and understanding, your bf will love you even more for it. Not wanting to be intimate infront of her is a mature step on his part because he doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or isolated so respect that. Seems as though you have a really smart, mature bf, so don't be afraid to confide in him about your feelings. You guys could even work together at getting her to break free by introducing her to nice hang out spots, malls, restaurants, parks etc. and encouraging her to go to those places. Make her feel welcome and appreciated. In time she'll start doing stuff on her own and you and your bf's lives will settle back to normal. Just be patient, but not too patient.
2007-05-07 11:31:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, his sister needs a life. Doesn't she have friends? I think maybe she's jealous that you are spending so much time with him. But, you don't need to feel bad. He's your boyfriend and she's a grown adult woman. She's the wrong-doer. Tell her to let you and you boyfriend spend some time alone together.
2007-05-07 11:13:11 · answer #4 · answered by Girlie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wait a little bit, sh'es only home for a week, you'll see in a week or two if she is still stuck with you and your bf
maybe she need some time to feels like home again...
trust your bf for the moment and if nothing changes in a few week, talk with him again...
and after all, it's only his sister, you're lucky it's not just another woman who may attract him
2007-05-07 11:17:32 · answer #5 · answered by naindesign 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, does she have any friends or anything? If not, you can help her find some friends, or politely tell her that you really enjoy being with her, but sometimes you just don't want to hang out with her. She'll understand if you tell her why sometimes you and your boyfriend just want to be alone.
2007-05-07 11:13:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if I hadnt seen my sister in 6 years i'd want to spend time with her too... my sister is more important to me than anything else.
Give him time, it'll pass once they've caught up but you still need time with him as well, confront her about it politely and see what happens.
2007-05-07 11:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Soap Box Preacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she moved back THIS WEEK... just a week.. and you are this upset? this is family we are talking about.. and to be perfectly honest ... you are over reacting.. I mean come on.. she was gone for 6 year? after a month you may have a valid gripe.. but even then griping will just cause problem.. you want to fix this? get her a boy toy to date.. then things will get back to normal..
2007-05-07 11:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by pip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that u both need time for urselves and work out a schedule when u all three can go out together - like just twice in a week or so and that she has to go out with her friends during rest of the time. Tell her she is not a kid and he is not her father.
2007-05-07 11:21:41 · answer #9 · answered by whoami 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hmm sounds familiar, my fiances sister was like that,, well he would always invite her out with us, he felt bad cause she had no one,, the good thing was she was nice and we got a long, but she finally met someone and doesn't occupy our weekends, maybe you could set his sister up with someone, if she starts dating she will be to busy to bother you and your bf. good luck
2007-05-07 11:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋