my mom is an alcoholic. when i lived with her she would ask for my money all the time to buy beer. my brother has just recently moved in with her (he's 17) as my dad is no longer able to care for him. My brother just got a job working at wal-mart and my mom decided that she's going to start charging my brother rent. She said that she's doing that to teach him some responsibility so that when he's 18, he doesn't get so shocked at the real world. She told me to mind my own business, but i'm worried that she'll just take his money and drink it away. Is it my place to worry? Or should I mind my own business? what do you think?
2007-05-07 03:45:59 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
he's still in school also and she's asking for more than 25 dollars a month to help out.
2007-05-07 04:02:19 · update #1
she's getting child support from my dad. my mom quit her job when my brother moved in and got a job.
2007-05-07 04:03:05 · update #2
I'm 19 years old and I am not able to look after him. I live in a one bedroom apt. with my boyfreind. i try and help my bro out when i can, but i'm not much older and i'm trying to make it on my own too. I lived with my mom and when i was 12 i got a job waitressing on the weekends and she took my money then too. so that i could "help out" except that i never got anything from it. I had to wear hand me down clothes from my friends families that felt sorry for me. I know for a certain fact that my mom isn't looking out for my brother.
2007-05-07 04:10:15 · update #3
I think that if your mother is unfit and unable to manage parenting properly then you have ever right to worry.
My parents started charging me rent at 17 and it drove me right out the door. I didn't want to have to be a full time student them come home and work full time just to hand over my whole paycheck to my parents. It was so hard just to get up in the morning.
Now if he is out of school, then I think he should be paying *some* rent, especially if he is living with mom for free, but I don't think it should be a lot. You should encourage your brother towards college or a vocational school so that he can keep moving forward with his life. If he is heading to college, you should encourage him to find some roomates to move in with into their own apartment.
Keep worrying for your bother. He needs someone who cares about him in his world.
2007-05-07 03:51:36 · answer #1 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In response to your main question, my opinion is that it is not right for her to charge rent to a minor, since he is still legally under her guardianship - but that is not a professional LEGAL answer. What are his options if he refuses to pay rent? She cannot legally toss him out on the street if he is a minor, and he has a right to money he's earned.
If she wishes for him to contribute to the household, a safer investment might be for him to agree to pay part of a monthly bill - say, send in a check each month for a certain amount to the electric company, or go buy groceries. That way, he knows the money is going to something for the benefit of the home, and not to alcohol.
It is possible that your brother could open a checking account by himself at 17, without her name associated with the account, and his paycheck could be automatically deposited to that account so that she does not have access to it. He could then use a check card for groceries, or write utility checks with the appropriate account number on them, and would have control of the rest of his paycheck.
Hope this helps, and I hope your brother can put some of his money towards an apartment, so he can move into a better situation when he is 18.
2007-05-07 10:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by marienne94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a Mom, my own personal feeling is that a child should not be charged rent while he is still in school. I think it's okay to let a 17-year-old start assuming some financial responsibility, like paying for his/her own gas, car insurance, and clothing. But I don't think that 17-year-olds should have to pay for their own housing and food.
Your Mom may not have the same philosophy, but I certainly understand your concern for your brother. Do you still have your grandparents, and are you close to them? Perhaps they could talk to your mother, and persuade her to keep the "rent" at a very minimal amount. Then your brother could save up enough money to get his own apartment when he's a little older. Good luck!
2007-05-07 11:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by Marie C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a concerned son, so you should worry.
Would it be possible for your brother to live with you? It really isn't a smart idea for her to have your brother living there.
Your mother is an alcoholic, and she needs help. Until that happens, she is going to do anything possible to get money for drinking.
In a non-alcoholic household, a working 17 year old should be contributing to the household. It does teach responsibility.
I don't think that you have a lot to say in the matter at your mothers home. She is going to find the money somewhere.
2007-05-07 10:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by I_Love_Life! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this well, my mom did the same thing. YES IT IS YOUR FAMILY AND YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE THE ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM! Everyone told me to just be quiet, leave things alone...but I refused and because I did my mom quit drinking and I was not the victim anylonger...What worked for my situation was to stand up to her and I told her to make a list of what was needed as far as bills, food, etc..I paid them directly or not at all. She bucked up at first but realized I was not going to support her alcohol abuse and she finally gave in. I also got her to realize WHY she drank, and she quit after 48 years. She got a good job her own place and loved her life when she passed away. It is a hard position you are in, I would suggest you talk to your brother and help him to get info to have him get emancipated by the court so he is not under the realm of your mom. as long as he has a job he can get it and if you go to the housing district in your area and explain the situation they should be able to help him find a place and get into it.
2007-05-07 15:41:55 · answer #5 · answered by rowdysunsetart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart, I have never been in a situation like this. But if your brother has a job, I believe he has a moral obligation to help with the household finances. What your mother does with the money is her business and you really need to stay out of it. I think you should try to get her into a help group if you can. If you have a school counselor, or pastor to whom you could confide your mothers alcoholism, they might be in a position to discreetly get her some help. I will pray for her.
2007-05-07 11:08:02 · answer #6 · answered by loufedalis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my children are living at home, and not going to school (either high school or college), they will be expected to pay rent, yes, to let them know that they will not get a free ride anywhere.
However, the money we receive from them will go into an account, and they will get it back after they move out and prove themselves responsible. (like to help with the down payment of a new house or condo) Not for me to "drink away"
Your place to worry? he is your brother, you love him, it is ok for you to worry about him.
Mind your own business? hummm that is tough.
You are apparently older than your brother, why not let him move in with you, and really use the money for you and him to live? Just my suggestion.
2007-05-07 11:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by Renee B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one! I'm all for learning to be responsible, but I think you're right to worry about the way the money will be used. Is there anyone in your family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) or friends of your family you can go to for help or advice? Your mom is an adult and is of course in her right to spend the money any way she wants. You are not responsible for your mother's lifestyle!
When your brother is 18, he can hopefully take care of himself and move out again. Let him at least "negotiate" a very small amount of rent. And keep in touch with him, so you can help if he wants to move out.
2007-05-07 10:58:59 · answer #8 · answered by meisje 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's your mom. As long as your brother is living in her house, she can tell him to pay rent. I can see her wanting to teach him responsibility, I wouldn't charge rent for a 17 year old. If he were 18 and outta school maybe. You can worry all you want, but as long as he is living there, she has the say so. Sorry!!
2007-05-07 10:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be worried. If he is in school and living at home no he should not pay to live there. If he were out of school and just living off mom of corse he should pay. If there are grandparnets may be he could stay with them until he is out of school and able to work more to receive more money and get a place of his own. Try to get your mom in some program to help her.
2007-05-07 11:19:31 · answer #10 · answered by liz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋