Is it considered rape if I said OK and then said STOP ?

Question

Because I had sex for the first time on Saturday with my boyfriend of 5 months, and I agreed to let him tie me up, but it hurt and I told him to stop and he didn't, he left me like that for an hour, even though I was screaming and crying.


Should I even try reporting him, I mean it looks pretty bad, because I said ok to sex and I let him tie me up, but I did keep saying STOP.


More Info:
-I am 19
-He is 24
-He has never hurt me in any way before so I am still shocked about what he did
-So far I haven't done much, I told my roomate what happened and we took pictures of the marks on my wrist, but I haven't called the police

I told him to stop and he didn't listen ! He was really hurting me !

It was his idea for me to be tied up, not mine, I just didn't want him to get mad at me.

But I was screaming, and I was like sobing because I was freaked out !

He knew that I was a virgin :(

Answer 1

The both of you should have thought out your bondage fantasy before acting it out (ie: Safe words, setting boundries beforehand). However, you say you were crying and begging to be untied. I believe you are entitled to press charges if you wish. But just know this, this situation is as much your fault as it is your BF.

Answer 2

It is still considered to be a rape! A two person in order to have sexual relationship required consent from both of party. Even though, you are willing at first, but when you utter the word "stop" whether just once or for repeated numbers, the other person should also stop.

To make even clearer what consent mean:

Under the law, 'consent' means that you've agreed to something freely and voluntarily-because you want to.

* If you don't fight back during a sexual assault, it is still sexual assault. It's not consent just because you didn't fight back.

* If the man threatens, frightens or tricks you into agreeing to have sex with him-for example, he threatens to hurt someone else if you refuse-it is sexual assault.

* You can agree to sex and then change your mind. The reason doesn't matter. If the man keeps going even though he knows you don't want to, it is sexual assault.

I think the last part applied to you, which constitute a sexual assault in formal term. For this reason, then, you should report this to the police. It's not just because the right thing to do, but it is for your physical and mental well being in the future! It is better to confront it now rather than later.

Answer 3

Go to the police station in person. Show them the marks. Tell a lady cop your story. Ask her what to do. Tell them you want to put this on the record as a complaint without having any contact made with him. That you do not want to press charges at this time. That you do not want this to go on his record, but you want his name linked to yours in their databast if possible. so that if anything comes up in the future they will see this report. Is that possible. Then you need to talk to him about his thoughts, but do not tell him you went to the police. Do not tell anyone you went to the police until after you talk to him and find out what he is thinking.

He may have set a trap for you, since he is younger than you are and more experienced. You saying yes to being tied up and having sex may have been something he has done to other girls. He may be good at manipulating younger girls into this situation. Things may get a lot more difficult with you. Try to break up with him and see what he does. He may become a stalker. Then you will need police protection. You should have a detective investigate his past and his past girl friends and sex partners. The detective should do this undercover and not let the girls know he/she is a cop.

You may have discovered a beast in this guy that only comes out under certain circumstances. It could have a history or that evil history is just now starting to be written. Either way you do not want to be any more of a victim. Be careful.

Do you know this guy's parents. Do you know any of his friends. Do you know where he went to school before this? Where he worked? Where he has lived? The bars he has been a regular in? You or a detective could be asking around to work up a profile on him. You may find some very interesting and scary things about this guy in his back ground that might be worthwhile you knowing about. Again I say be careful.

Answer 4

Here's the problem:

Only you can decide what to do. I think you should take some time to let this all set into your mind and to calm down.

In hindsight, being tied up for your first sexual encounter was probably a bad idea. How long have you been with him?

Technically speaking, by the letter of the law, yes, this is rape. He has an obligation legally to stop when you tell him to.

I'd have a sit-down and talk with him about it before you run to the police about it though. I don't know how distraught or affected you are by this, and if it's something that's going to be a detriment to your life, you should definitely report it...

Answer 5

If you said stop and he continued that is considered rape. You led him on by saying you agreed with it and letting him tie you up was foolish but once you started to feel uncomfortable and you told him to stop, it was no longer consensual, it becomes rape. And he left you tied up for an hour, which the law could consider kidnapping or false imprisonment.

Date rape is the most common for of rape and the least reported, if i was in your situation I would report him. What he did was wrong, personally I love sex but if the person you are with doesn't want to have it or in the middle of it changes their mind morally and legally one needs to stop because that is rape.

Good luck with whichever way you decide.

Answer 6

ARE YOU NUTS!? You told the guy to stop and he continued for an hour! You were crying! The reason he wanted you tied up was probably INCASE you changed your mind. Report the son of a *****, this is definitely rape, and don't let his mind games tell u different. Also, stay the hell away from him, make sure he knows he's dumped. I'm so sorry about what happened, I hope u get the dick locked up.

Answer 7

I wouldn't call this rape even though u later asked him to stop is cos U first said ok.But i will advice u to stop seeing him snice he is only based on hurting u. Probably u did tell him that u were a virgin and so he should have been cool with u since u were a fresher or he should have know that u were getting hurt that was why u asked him to stop therefore he could have slow down since he never wanted to stop doing so, so based on that u can put charges on him for hurting u that way and not for "RAPPING" u.

Answer 8

What a shame for a 19 year old girl to come down this way, now she will never trust anyone to tie her up or make love to her. For starters, yes you and your bf did make a mistake without setting limits and guidelines, but saying it hurts and crying should have clued him to stop. He obviously didn't care about anything except what he got (although we haven't heard his side of the story). A woman that will allow you to tie her up is the greatest gift in the world, to betray that makes you the lowest piece of scum in the world.

Answer 9

i let a guy i dated rape me too....AND YES IT IS RAPE. If you don't ever deal with it like i did it will screw you up in the head for a long time.....i didn't know it was rape while we were dating and i never wanted to have sex with him cuz i didnt feel comfortable and i wound up letting it happen to me for a long time and i stayed with him for 2 years......FINALLY i got strong enough to get rid of him, and not untill after that did i realize what had been happening to me. IF A GUY WOULD DO THAT TO YOU......YOU NEED TO GET FAR FAR AWAY FROM HIM.....That is THE MOST selfish thing anyone can do to any person. If they know full well you dont want to do something and they let you cry knowing your hurting in way more ways than one....THEY DESERVE TO DIE!

Answer 10

No means no despite that you said its OK at first. It was your first time and it was hurting. If he really loved you he could have listened when you said stop, its hurting. Because of his selfishness he anyway decided to do it. You don't have to blame yourself, he raped you. I've been through the same situation and because i didn't do anything about it, it keeps on hunting me. I know its not easy but you must do something about it and i also suggest that you should go for counceling. I'm really sorry about what happened to you and if you want someone to talk too you can e-mail me at [e-mail] "Take care"...

Answer 11

I agree with the first person advice. Go report it and explain what happened. You did nothing wrong by trusting another person and if you had known what would happen you would't have consented. Besides if someone really cares about you they would listen to how you feel and what you say. This guy doesn't seem to really truely care about your well being and doesn't deserve you. Find someone you can talk to about this and remember God loves you and is always there for you even if people disappoint us. Be careful ok.