Please correct my English grammar?

Question

I wrote this article and it needs some twiking. Please help?

Moreira, born in 1985 in Sao Paulo, Brazil, is a Brazilian model best known for his photoshoot for Terra's The Boy.

His very first modeling job was working as a runway model at Sao Paulo Fashion Week. In just a few months, he appeared in several magazines including Drops, and Circulates magazines among others.

Moreira is , without a doubt, one of the most popular "The Boy" model photographed by Cristiano. Fashion observers, photographers and internet readers all fell in love with him instantly.

Besides his mass exposure with "The Boy", Moreira is now a major force in editorials, and campaigns. In fact, he recently appeared on the Levi's MoonBathing ad campaign shot in São Paulo by Klaus Thymann, and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G and modeled for L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and most notably, graced the pages of Vogue Magazine.

Answer 1

Your English is excellent!! Just one or two minor adjustments, rather than corrections:

In your paragraph which reads:
"His very first modeling job was [working] as a runway model at Sao Paulo Fashion Week.... the word "working" is used correctly but is not really necessary. I would begin the following sentence with "Within a few short months.." instead of "in just a few months" and you really need a comma before the word "including" and another after "magazines" and the phrase "amongst others" is used more frequently than "among others": so now the sentence would read:- "Within a few short months, he appeared in several magazines, including Drops, and Circulates magazines, amongst others".
In the sentence: "Moreira is , without a doubt, one of the most popular "The Boy" model[s] photographed by Cristiano", "model" needs to be plural.
In the last paragraph: "...editorials and campaigns" - should be written without the comma after "and" (as a general rule you never place a comma after "and" or "but").

In the last sentence: "In fact, he recently appeared on the Levi's MoonBathing ad campaign shot in São Paulo by Klaus Thymann, and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G and modeled for L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and most notably, graced the pages of Vogue Magazine.", the following needs to be changed for 2 reasons:

"and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G and modeled for L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and most notably, graced the pages of Vogue Magazine."

Firstly, the sentence needs to be in the present perfect and not the preterite tense and secondly you should not use the word "shot" in the phrase "...and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G..." because (a) you have alreasdy used it in the first half of the sentence (..campaign shot in São Paulo .." and (b) [he] was just shot in São Paulo means "Ele foi fuzilado em São Paulo....". I would therefore write the sentence something like: " In fact, he recently appeared on the Levi's MoonBathing ad campaign shot in São Paulo by Klaus Thymann, and has also just been photographed by the renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G; he has also modelled L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and, most notably, has graced the pages of Vogue Magazine". (The rule I mentioned about not putting a comma after "and" does not apply here as you are adding an adverbial phrase)

Answer 2

+ It's "tweaking" not twiking.

+ What is "the Boy"? You may need to use quotation marks or italics. Same thing with Fashion Week or any other title of a magazine.

+ In paragraph 3 "model" is plural so it should have an "s" at the end of it.

+ Articles of speech don't need to be capitalized, so keep the "t" in "the" lower case.

+ If commas or periods come after a word in quotation marks then they should be inside of them.

+ In paragraph 4 you should remove the comma after editorials.

+ You don't need to use a comma before the word "and." Same thing with the comma after Thymann.

+ I would delete the "in fact." It serves no purpose.

+ I don't understand what you mean by "editorials." You may want to use a different word to describe this. Also, clarify what kind of campaigns you're talking about.

+ You also might consider breaking up that last sentence. It runs on a bit. Try something like this:

Besides his mass exposure with "the Boy," Moreira is now a major force in editorials and ad campaigns. In fact, he was featured in the Levi's MoonBathing ad campaign (shot in São Paulo by Klaus Thymann) and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G. He has also modeled for L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and, most notably, he recently graced the pages of Vogue Magazine.

Answer 3

Moreira, born in 1985 in Sao Paulo, Brazil, is a Brazilian model best known for his photoshoot for Terra's The Boy.

His very first modelling job was working as a runway model at Sao Paulo Fashion Week. In just a few months, he appeared in several magazines including Drops, and many other magazines.

Moreira is , without a doubt one of the most popular "The Boy" models photographed by Cristiano. Fashion observers, photographers and internet readers all fell in love with him instantly.

Besides his mass exposure with "The Boy", Moreira is now a major force in editorials, and campaigns. In fact, he recently appeared on the Levi's MoonBathing ad campaign shot in São Paulo by Klaus Thymann, and was just shot by renowned photographer Steven Klein for D&G and modeled for L'Equipe, Claro cell phones and most notably, graced the pages of Vogue Magazine.