Partner says he doesn't want kids?

Question

I'm 27, and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together several years and are looking to buy a house. I want to get married, but I'm too much of a chicken to bring it up. I secretly know that he's looked at rings, though.

He brought up the topic of kids when we were out a few weeks ago, and a little buzzed. He said that I'd better "decide" in the next 3 years if I want kids or not. What does that mean?

He says he doesn't want kids, but then sometimes things come up and he says things like, "if we had a kid....."

He seems confused about it, and honestly I am too. I think I might like to have kids but the whole birth process scares the s**t out of me and I don't feel ready, although I'm getting older.

So I guess my question is, do a lot of guys his age feel this way? He says that he worries if we had a kid, he "wouldn't love it". But he is the nicest guy ever and he is so nice to his nieces and nephews and I know he would be a great dad.

Answer 1

The only men who, at the age of 30, say they don't want kids really don't want kids. If he were 20 it would be different, but at 30 I'd take him at his word. That is a major RED FLAG if you are someone who wants kids, and if I were you I wouldn't buy any house or accept any ring until the issue is settled in a way that will work for you.

Answer 2

You really shouldn't be sleeping with a man who you are too "chicken" to talk to about important issues like marriage and children.

If you are unable to bring the issues up all by yourself then find a good couples therapist. Get your ducks in a row before you find yourself pregnant with a child neither of you is mature enough to care for.

Answer 3

You need to be not a chicken and talk about this with him. Cause if your someone who wants kids and he don't then that's not going to work out. You don't want to be wasting your time with this when you could go out and find someone who wants to settle down and have kids.