plz tell me a good joke?

Question

the person that can make me laugh with a good joke gets the points.

Answer 1

A Confused nine-year-old boy goes up to his mother and asks
"Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,” Well God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...

"Is God Michael Jackson?"


A mom is driving her little girl to a friends house, when the little girl asks
"how old are you?"
"Honey, you're not supposed to ask a lady her age" her mom warns. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really", the mother says, "these personal questions are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl then asks, "Why did you and daddy get divorced?"
"That's enough questions, honestly!" The mom walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything" the little girl tells her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers
license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know you're 32!."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How'd you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
"And", the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy divorced! Because you got an F in sex!"


On the first day of school, the children brought presents for their teacher.



The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.



The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.



Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.



The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.



"Is it wine?" she guessed.



"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked,



" Champagne ?”



"No," said the little boy...



“OK I give up, what is it?”

























Wait for it....



















"It's a puppy!"


A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed



P....

E....

N....

I....

S....




His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:



*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***



A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds
sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many
will be left?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I
like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I
suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked
the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is
'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your
thinking."


Little Paul went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided
that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well
Paul, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy
you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for
one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He
finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.

Your Friend,
Paul

Now, Paul knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat), so he
ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.

Your Truly,
Paul

Well, Paul knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried
again.

Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?


Yours

Paul


Well, Paul looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his
mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of
almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and
went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the
way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally
found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Paul went inside and knelt
down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Paul finally got
up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of
a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it
under his bed and wrote this letter.

Jesus,
I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike!

Sincerely,
You know who

An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son!"


An attractive young woman walks up to a bar in a rural pub. She signals for the barman to bring his face close to hers. 'are you the manager?' she asks, running her fingers through his hair, 'no' he replies. 'can you give him a message from me?' she asks, stroking his face, and allowing 2 fingers to slip into his mouth so he can gently suck them. 'tell him there's no f****** toilet paper in the ladies'





Hope ya liked em!!

Answer 2

Two Sweethearts There were two high school sweethearts who dated chastely for all four years of high school. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast while the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. It was evident that she had become very loose and trampy but he still saw the good in her and wanted to win her back. But she became annoyed. Since she now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this: She took a photo of herself in an unmentionable position with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was very upset. So what he did next was awesome: He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.

Answer 3

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Answer 4

funny jokes Ciara J

Answer 5

I'm not racist, I just like racist jokes that are funny so I'll tell you my favorite. Why are black people good at basketball? Because they can shoot, steal, and run. seriously I'm not racist though, I don't mind anyone joking about my race but it has to be funny.

Answer 6

OK
Did you hear about the man with 10 kidney's ? What a pisser !

Did you hear about the midget with 50 pound balls ? He was half nuts !

Did you hear about the woman who had a purple baby ? She got graped !

Answer 7

what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
*dam*

sandwich walks into a bar & orders a beer
bartender says "sorry we don't serve food here"

horse walks into a bar
bartender says "why the long face"

*heheheh i love the cheesiest jokes..usually the ones everyone else smirk s at..will have ME rolling*

Answer 8

i dun hv a gd joke but i suggest u put 'Ciara J' ans as de best coz dat person put in a lot of effort 2 tell u alot of jokes!!! :)

Answer 9

Ok here goes!
3 tampons are walking down the street...a mini..a maxi..and a super. Which one says hi?

None there all stuck up b!tche$!!!
LMAO...I love that joke!
Ciao!

Answer 10

I've got a good joke: Women's Rights.

End Women's Suffrage!