How can I get my parents to accept the real me?

Question

I get above average grades, and i'm a model daughter, but my parents won't accept my gothic look and my love to draw...How can I get my parents to accept me?

Answer 1

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss.

Answer 2

First of all, you need to accept and love yourself. I have had the pleasure of working with hundreds of teens and honestly, I have always felt kids who go for the goth look (or some other black-attired get-up) tend to have low self-esteem. No matter what my opinion is on the matter, if it is something you are comfortable with, then remain looking gothic. You're not hurting anybody. However, do not be mistaken. Is it the real you in goth clothes? The colour, make-up and accessories are just things you put on. Your parents know who you are before you even knew yourself. They accept the real you. You're their daughter who likes to draw. That's the real you. They just don't like what you're wearing. You should see it from their perspective.

Answer 3

Perhaps you could remind them that it's harmless and it makes you happy? And make sure they hear about positive comments you get about your drawings from other people - maybe this will help them learn to be proud of your talent.

You could point out that if you ever need or want to de-goth your appearance to get a particular job or something, it's easy enough to do as long as you didn't get a giant ankh tattooed on your forehead or something. Maybe they worry about other people their age thinking they're bad parents for letting you look so "weird" but hey, at least half the people their age have kids too, and they know you can't make your kids be younger copies of yourself.

And give it time. Eventually as time goes by and the goth and drawing thing doesn't produce any disastrous consequences, they'll probably quit worrying about it so much. Remember they probably imagined their kid would turn out different (like, I dunno, a preppy soccer player?) and they've got some adjusting to do; they need to let go of that imaginary girl they have in their heads and get used to the real one. It takes a little adjusting. They may never like your goth look or understand why you love to draw so much, but even then, you can agree to disagree about fashion and hobbies without it being a major issue. Heaven knows my dad has some pretty horrific bicycle shorts in my opinion, and I don't understand why he finds it fun to wake up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to go geocaching, but I love him and accept him for who he is anyway, yaknow? And my parents still think it's a bit silly of my to dress gothic sometimes, but it doesn't matter.

Answer 4

Why don't you explain to your parents the history behind a Gothic look and show them that it is more than just a fad to you. Regarding the artistic side, why not have teachers at your school explain your talent and apply to art school and get accepted. I think if your parents see that your mode of expression is rooted in history and could provide you a chance to realize success after high school, they will probably be more amiable.

Answer 5

Instead of trying to force them to accept you, try accepting that they never will. My mom once told me that when she had me, she had all these plans and ideas for my life and then I grew up and she found out that I had a mind of my own and plans and ideas of my own. Your parents are probably rebelling against the idea of their plans for you clashing with your plans for you. In the end, the only thing that should matter is whether or not you can look in the mirror and love the person you see. Because if you can't, you are wasting your time. Love yourself, and the love of others will follow.

And always, as someone wise (I think Oscar Wilde) once said... "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."

Answer 6

Have you tried talking to them about it?

I was gothic in high school and my parents never accepted it. Their reasoning was that they were worried about my future, I was having a really hard time finding a job, and I'm planning on going to medical school. I toned it down, and now we've reached a balance (I have quite a few hidden tattoos and piercings, so I still have my passions while my parents are happy because it doesn't affect how potential bosses see me).

Answer 7

Your parents will always want to see you as their cute little girl no matter how old you are. The gothic look doesn't normally appeal to parents most of them don't really understand. You should try talking with them so they know you are the same child with or without the black clothes.

Answer 8

Be real loving and reassuring to them that you will not get into anything that will tattoo your life forever. They are worried for you and love you and are scared of the unknown. They don't want for you to go off and take drugs or do anything that after your all grown up and your brain cells have changed and your life takes a turn into an adult life that you might carry some kind of sign that will prohibit you from reaching your full potential.. Reassure then that you will not do anything fullish and that they can rest assured of that.

Answer 9

Communication. Take the time to tell them how you feel when you are allowed to dress and look the way you do. Tell them how you feel that they don't accept and love you as-is; and that it feels like they put conditions on your relationship. Make sure they know you love and respect them, and how important their approval is to you. The best thing I can think of is to share things that make them realize its not a "fad" that you're going through, and that it makes you feel like you can be yourself. It might take time, but I think that the more you talk to them without getting upset, just on a regular day with nothing going on - the more likely they are going to be to hear your message.

Answer 10

My advice for your question is to continue to be yourself no matter what your parents think or say about u. If they don't accept u for who u are, that's their problem. I would stand up for myself and say "this is the way i am and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to change that!" if people get offended for who u are. Screw them. If being who u are makes u happy, then, be the way u want to be. Don't get mislead by other peoples thoughts or opinions. Be the way u want to be no matter what.

Answer 11

it is difficult to sooth parents that feels that u are following the wrong path.

this Gothic phase u going through, does that extend to ur believes as well??

if it doesn't just let ur parents know that

1) u never going to hurt yourself
2) u respect them very much & love them

u see u need to talk to them because they have reasons why they disaprove of your actions, if u are willing to listen to their point of views then they might be willing to listen to yours and except it