i have an inlaw that is of another culture that told me i need to lose weight? what would you do?

Question

she literally told me I eat too much get this I am not even close to fat she is staying in our home for six MORE days she is from Africa Would you be pissed if your husband didnt defend you?

But the inlaw is a Sister she is older and this is the 3rd sister that has come down starting something with me the other sister said something else I am really pissed and she cooked dinner I did not eat my excuse was homework and my husband told me if his sister goes back home with a bad impression of me I will regret it what the hell is that supposed to mean? Im really not wanting to talk to her anymore and my husband lets his family Control him badly he never defends me if its about his family

Answer 1

If she says it again, make sure the next time you walk past her you have something like a potato chip in your hand, get 2 feet from her face, look directly at her, put the chip in your mouth, and crunch loudly! Grin and walk off. I think she would get the point. Kind of like telling her you don't really care what she thinks and you're gonna do what you want, and you don't even have to say a word!

I would definitely take up the husband situation with him separately from everyone else and let him know how you feel about his not standing up for you. In my opinion, there is no excuse for that.

Answer 2

Food is an dependancy to a couple men and women. Food may be healing for a few men and women. And for a few men and women, the extra you're making of it, the more difficult it's on them. Imagine having a weight limitation, feeling unhealthy approximately your self after which your husband making you think such as you are not well adequate anymore. Is a counselor fairly asking you to transport on since she is chubby? What type of counselor is that? You say she is lovely, a pleasant mother and a pleasant spouse. Well allow me simply say that there are lots of guys with trophy other halves who consider they are other halves seem sizzling, however are materialistic, shallow and egocentric. You CANNOT have all of it in existence and I feel that if you're supportive in an extra approach you can get unique outcome. You "SEND" her to WW'ers and Jenny Craig, and many others. I consider your intentions are pleasant, however rather, why now not take her on a 30 minute stroll day-to-day? Ask her to spend time with you this manner. But there's something.... A character are not able to lose an oz if their mind-set isn't proper. And feeling as though her husband reveals her unattractive via the steady reminders isn't serving to her, it is frequently making issues worse.

Answer 3

I suspect the definitions of "fat" and "thin" are much different in Africa, where MILLIONS are dying from starvation and sickness. So try not to let this get to you. Try to understand that she is from a much different culture than you are, and she may not realize that you find it offensive. Even if you are thin, to her it may seem that you eat too much because portion sizes in the United States are ridiculously larger than in other countries. Try to be sensitive in this situation. Even though your eating habits may be "normal", to her they might seem excessive.

If you really feel the need to say something, I would politely explain that in your culture, someone your size is not considered overweight. Assure her that you see a doctor regularly and that you are perfectly healthy. I would also very politely clue her in that in your culture, it is considered rude to point out another's physical flaws because some people are very self-conscious and don't want unwanted attention directed toward them. Isn't is possible that she truly does not know any better?

And, if that doesn't stop her remarks, then just shrug and laugh them off. I mean, what else can you do except to offend her in return? And what would that solve? If you're not overweight, then it shouldn't offend you so much. And, if she happens to be saying these things to purposely upset you, then don't let her know she's succeeding or she won't get bored and stop.

Answer 4

Time for hubby to step in, take sister aside, and say, "Sis, I love you dearly, but I love my wife, too. Don't call her fat again." And he could then put a smile on his face, and enjoy the rest of her visit.
Not sure if I would be pissed, but certainly disappointed, in him and the sister. I take it he was present during the name-calling.
I know 4 people who emigrated here from Nigeria, and all 4 are outspoken to the point of meanness. They do not seem to have a care about anyone's feelings, and all 4 get very defensive when someone objects, and takes them to task for it.. I do not know if is a cultural thing, or if they think this what they are supposed to do in America, or what.
Just know that most people who name call are in need of attention, or to elevate themselves to a higher level by putting someone else down.
Six more days, and back to where she came from she goes. You and hubby might need to talk.

Answer 5

I would indeed be pissed. I'd tell the inlaw that body type is genetic and even if it weren't it was none of her business.

I have a feeling she is older than you. A lot of times older people feel as if they are above reproach. Do not let her put you down...refuse to bow down to her narrow minded ignorant ideas. This is why I stay to myself and rarely have people in my home...only people I know and who are enlightened. People are ignorant.

Answer 6

It's odd - in many African cultures being overweight is a sign of wealth and is considered very attractive. If she thinks you're heavy, she may actually be jealous of you.

Either way, your husband needs to stand up for you. In marriage, that's the most important thing - standing by your spouse. If he won't, I'd seriously suggest counseling. There's no excuse to let anyone insult your spouse, sibling or not.

Answer 7

You have two choices. One you can lose the weight and shut up about it. In which case they will run your life for the rest of your life. They are very pushy unrealistic people. You can't spend your life fighting them. Let it go. Then you can ask yourself. Do I really want to lose any weight? If you do..do it because you want to not because they "told" you. As for your husband: Cut him off of sex for a while. If he wants to have sex with you let him respect you on your terms. It's your power point. He has to respect you as his wife. His sisters don't pull any strings unless he's a puppet. Is he a puppet? Call their bluff. Are his sisters paying any of your bills? If not, let the door knob hit them..
Good luck. Those are some really pushy people.

Answer 8

No, think about how akward that would be especialy if they are close to him.I know it is tough but just ignore it unless she brings it up then tell him(in private) to talk to her about. Not that Africa is some backwards crazy place but, if she is of a diffrent culture it may be okay for her to say something like that (you never know)

Answer 9

It sounds to me as if this is a brother/sister issue and you are trapped in the middle of it
if you love this man, and want to stay with him for the rest of your life (day after day, year after year) then you will probably be confronted with these brother/sister games forever
it is up to you whether or not you will be played with
plant your feet, be polite, smile, be gracious, and refuse to play their game

Answer 10

I'd bring up my feelings to my husband in private and ask him to speak with his mother. I've been in the situation where a family member of his said things that infuriated and insulted me and I let him know. He spoke to her and I haven't had any incidents since. Yes, I would be mad if he didn't take care of it. It's his family, it's his place to talk with them and take care of it.