I did everything I could while raising my 3 children. Now that they are adults, they only call me when they have a concern or problem. I call my youngest son on his cell phone, but rarely does he return my calls. Yet, when he is having problems, I can listen for however long it takes to help him. I'm hurt by this and wonder what I can do to remedy the problem. My husband says to use tough love, however, he is their stepfather and they sometimes feel he is behind things. So, I'm caught in the middle...what advice would you give me so that I no longer am hurt by my kids lack of concern?
2007-05-06 16:26:56 · 8 answers · asked by lsah1852 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can either discuss your concerns with them (that you would like them to call you once in a while and not just when they have problems, etc) or just accept the situation as it is. Don't expect anything back in return from them. Think that you have done your duty and now they are on their own and adults. Its hard, but not impossible, I think.
2007-05-06 16:40:25 · answer #1 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel u on this one , my kids are still home and hurt me, I'm more like a taxi than mom to then . I don't think tough love is the answer , to me that might only push them further away. For right now be glad that then do call sometimes , b/c there are parts that don't even have that much of a relationship with the kids.
2007-05-06 23:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by lookinforwardtoheaven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...they are probably just going through a selfish stage. Don't wear your feelings on you sleeve and find activities to fill your time with. You can be there for them and still have a life to yourself.
I would call them once a week and leave it at that. As far as your youngest not calling you back, call anyway. That way he knows you are thinking of him. BUT, when you are leaving the message give permission NOT to call you. (Such as, "I was just calling to say hi, I will talk to you later) That way, you are not expecting it.
Fathers see things different than mothers. When you are a mother, its always about your kids. Men can seperate and don't always wear there feelings for someone to knock off. Don't confide in him anymore, you will not get the response you need and you don't want him to stand between you and your kids.
Good luck!
2007-05-06 23:42:30 · answer #3 · answered by lovin life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dealing with selfishness and rudeness not to mention phone games.....it's a tough call when there are so many **excuses** available for them to treat you in this manner.
1. Divorce isn't an excuse to be ignorant to anyone.
2. Would you take this from anyone else in the family?
3. You wouldn't do this to your parents as an adult why allow it from your adult sons/daughters?
4. Hubby is the 1st husband then dad in that house and what does thier birth father say about this...or is he one of those fellas that instigate their kids? Either there is no excuse to put yourself thru it. Many parents who have never been divorced are dealing with disrespectful young adults...might want keep that in mind when thinking about the reality of - there are no excuses.
2007-05-06 23:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel this same way. I think was Da_n, I am just the person who birthed and raised you and you can't give me 10 mins, now and again. I suggest maybe more "family dinners" or "family holiday" to help reel them in. I use to go shopping with mine and hand them money a little at a time, just so they would stay with me in the mall or they would have completely abandoned me all day. (that was pretty sad) It seems all parents go through this. The older they get the more they will appreciate you.
2007-05-06 23:56:52 · answer #5 · answered by kitty cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing. first of all give them their space. when it really starts bothering them their be calling you like crazy.don't feel bad about it that's part of them being on their own and trying to be a adult.
2007-05-07 00:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by browneyes7c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was the oppasite for me i couldnt get my mom to call me for years and im the good kid out of three of use i always call her so for a year i never called her and one day out of the blue she called me and asked why i dont call and let them know how i am any more so i told her i was hurt because i always had to call she got my point and calls me regulary now its 2 years
2007-05-07 00:11:38 · answer #7 · answered by tigger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol ... your kids are grown up...they don't need their mother anymore...when it comes down to it, they will come to you but if they have some problems in their lives, they don't have to run back to mom to help solve them... they are grown up, its time for them to handle their own problems... you know that... i know its hard to accept that you are not needed any more but it happens...you obviously did a good job that they can handle their problems by themselves
Anyways, remember when you grew up, did you try to go back to your mother with every problem you were presented with or did you try to solve them 1st?? hehe
2007-05-06 23:40:36 · answer #8 · answered by Nicole S 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋