i have been engaged for about a year after dating my fiancee for 2 years....we have recently been living seperate (we used to live together) for financial reasons...at first i missed him but now i dont anymore and am finding other people to hang out with and spend time with and find that i am enjoying it. i think there may even be a guy who im falling for. our wedding date is just under a year away, no invitations have been sent. we do have our reception hall picked out but nothing much more. should i call it off or is it just cold feet? has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation?
2007-05-06 12:23:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It sounds like you have answered your own question.
- you lived with him
- now you don't live with him
- money seems to be the reason but one or both of you may be rationalizing that
- you missed him, but now you don't
- you are hanging out with new people and find it refreshing
- you might be falling for another guy
This isn't cold feet. This is called "maturation process." You are learning there is more to life and that maybe you aren't ready to commit. You've done nothing wrong. You are simply exploring your world.
Have a heart to heart with your fiance...for all you know, he feels the same. If he doesn't understand your new feelings, it's not his fault but that's no reason for you not to follow your instincts. Either postpone the wedding or break it off, but don't let this pressure mount. Before you know it, you will be cheating on him and feel like a real jerk.
And yes, my sister went thru this and waited til 6 wks before the wedding. It was a mess but even then, she did the right thing. Her instincts were on target. She has no regrets. But it was a very, very tough decision.
Good luck and thanks for asking the question....I hope your fiance is a good guy and gets it....
2007-05-06 12:34:09 · answer #1 · answered by margot 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's fine to put it off, and I think you should. It's normal to want to distance yourself sometimes and enjoy other friends and hobbies away from your honey--but it's not normal to have a crush on another guy.
Just have an honest conversation about wanting to find yourselves and make sure you're both ready. It's also important to develop independent friendships and hobbies BEFORE you get married. Tell him you want to make sure you both do that. You don't have to break up. Set parameters together (about if you'll date other people, how often you'll see each other, etc).
If you grow apart then that's fine. Or you might realize how much you want/need him and reconnect on an even deeper level. Either way you'll be glad you did it.
2007-05-06 14:11:53 · answer #2 · answered by lizzgeorge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should call the wedding off. Because it seems like you were just comfortable with this guy and your relationship now that you have some freedom and a new look on life you realize that you can't go through with this marriage. You already know what you have to do you just want someone to tell you what you already know. He isn't your soul mate so let him go so he can find his like you believe you have found yours.
2007-05-06 12:49:58 · answer #3 · answered by tasheema22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sis had the same thing happen to her she was living in different houses and then they decided to get married and had 2 kids but then they had to get divorced and it was really hard on all of the kids and them because they were getting along for a long time but they had a lot of loans and they owed a lot of money and then Chris ( her husband ) had to move to Canada where his family lives and now she is a single mom with 2 kids and a bunch of loans to pay off
i think it would be best to hold off and don't rush things , if you feel that you can keep your relationship for ever than wait for maybe 5 years and see how you guys are doing and if you are feeling good about your relationship then get married
2007-05-06 13:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haven't been married before but from what I've read, to me it seems like you and him both are not going to get married.To me it seems like someone else has caught your eye so it will be a change of heart.your spending time some where else and you like it.So your interested in to another guy and the interest that you had for him is not really there so don't get married it might be a big mistake.
2007-05-06 12:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by leelee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want to be with them all of the time,and you miss them like crazywhen the arent there. if you do not feel these things do not go through with this marriage!!! good luck
2007-05-06 12:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by lady d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you realize you might be too young to marry just yet... put off the wedding a few more years, and just have some fun!
2007-05-06 12:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say put it off. Better to be safe than sorry. You may regret it later if you go through with it. Good luck!
2007-05-06 12:33:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what 'margot' said! give her best answer! and consider yourself fortunate to find this out now and not one wedding and a couple of kids later!
2007-05-06 12:38:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you are not ready. Tell him you are having second thoughts.
2007-05-06 12:33:16 · answer #10 · answered by iceemama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋