she is completely doing whatever she wants and telling us we won't need a DJ, she is going to order the cake herself, and have the reception in aunt Elaine's living room.
We have plenty of money in order to have a really great wedding.
2007-05-06 11:10:36 · 24 answers · asked by Foxtrot 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ask her to focus on throwing the rehearsal dinner. Tell her that you are obsessive about your wedding and want things exactly as you have always dreamt and that is stressful and not having to worry about the rehearsal dinner would be a big help.
Make her feel like she is needed...just elsewhere. Then
THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!
contact each and every one of your vendors (dj, hall, limo, florist, cake, photographer everyone) and tell them that under no uncertain terms are they to change anything or take orders from anyone except the bride and groom. They've dealt with MIL's before they will understand.
TRUST ME!!!! my sister was tempted to do this, but out of respect for her FH she kept her mouth shut and her MIL got a hold of everyone and tried her best to humiliate her son.
PS: I wish I had your problem. my MIL just passed away and the wedding is only 4 months away. My FH is devastated that he can't dance with his mother at our wedding. So try to keep the peace too.
2007-05-10 10:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by Chris10L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have plenty of $$ to have a really great wedding, then just simply ignore her. You make your plans, and don't really share them with her, then she won't be able to take over.
You might also have your fiance talk with his mom. Have him explain to her that this is your wedding, not hers, and that she needs to back off. YOU do not do this, because you are not her daughter, but he's her son, he can get away with saying a heck of a lot more to her than you ever will be able to. He needs to tell her that if she pays for a wedding cake, you guys are as well, and she will seriously be wasting her money, same with Aunt Elaine's living room--tell her that you guys are inviting 200 people to the wedding, and there's no way they'll all fit in there. You might also think of something that she CAN be put in charge of. Maybe not the cake or anything like that, but can she maybe get favors?
Good luck to you both, and congratulations!
2007-05-06 11:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you and your fiancé try to at least take some of the financial burden off his mother. It would be a very nice gesture, and might help her warm up to you a bit. I think it really is you she is feeling morose about, not really the flights and traveling. If you cannot do that, perhaps ensure that another family member is able to travel with her, and make things easier for her. if she's not in great health, then the flights might indeed be a burden for her. You might be a bit more caring and understanding toward your mother in law, or if you cannot, then do your fiancé a big favor and don't marry him, so he can find a woman who cares for his family because she loves him. It's your choice to be drained by her and have her attitude affect you so much. If you were bubbling over with joy -- not fake happiness but the true joy she could see in your eyes or hear in your voice, that you're marrying her son, she might be more excited about the plans. If you just prattle on all about you all the time, I can see where she finds you tiresome. I read your post again and see that you mention his "parents." Are they married so that his dad will be traveling with her? If so, your fiancé might have a talk with his dad about how he might reassure his mum that things will all work out fine and he will be there to make sure she does not get exhausted or ill from the arduous travel. If they're divorced, then I stick with my first thought that you could at least take the financial burden off her and help her find the most direct flights.
2016-05-17 05:49:21 · answer #3 · answered by alma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her son (your fiance) simply tells her where you are having the reception and invite her to see it. As for the DJ, thats your business with him. Order your cake. Get out your invitation list and explain you are having a larger weddig than can fit in Aunt Elaine's livingroom.
2007-05-10 03:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by miladybc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats horrible! order a cake and tell her that you already ordered the cake...have your husband talk to her. he knows her better than you. let her know that she had a chance to plan a wedding when she was married, now its your turn. tell her that you dont want it in aunt elaines living room and just let her know its your wedding not hers she isnt in charge maybe you want to take her with to pick out the cake
2007-05-06 11:52:42 · answer #5 · answered by Lydster 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Omigosh! The same thing is happening to me! I feel better now that i'm not the only one being tourtured. Whats wrong with this women trying to steal our day. The only thing you can do is tell your fiance to talk to her. Thats what i did. It worked for a little while, then she started up again. I just keep telling him to deal with her. I dont want to create tension so i dont want to tell her to butt the hell out, HE has too! The bad part is that we actually need her help with money...so i'm stuck listening to her a little bit :( I did put my foot down when she bought an 80's inspired wedding dress from a thrift shop for me to wear!!!!! She's driving me crazy to the point that we are considering getting married in Mexico! Well, hope its not this bad for you. Good luck :)
2007-05-06 13:04:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lolita 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just do things the way you want to and tell her that everything is taken care of. You don't need to elaborate on what, when, where and how. Tell her that you will let her know if you need her help with anything. Why do they have to be like that, huh?
Congrats on your wedding...I too am getting married, but I am blessed with a sweet mother-in-law.
2007-05-06 11:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by BellyRubz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. The easiest way is to convince hubby-to-be to deliver the "back off" message. How it's delivered just depends on your MIL's personality. My MIL needs it in High Definition Wide Screen Super Large Ultra Digital with all the bells and whistles because she is about as bull-headed as they come.
You can also give her tasks that will keep her busy. Some decisions are important enough for you to have your finger in, and others you will find are easier to delegate to other people. Good luck.
2007-05-06 12:16:43 · answer #8 · answered by sunshinenspokane 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
guess that's why you have that transaction of engagement
before you sign the contract ..its great you plan to marry
and want your own reception and i believe parents
and family should get together too help you with all your plans but no body has the right too tell you how or were
or on whom you are to depend on....
they might had given you life but they have no right to tell you how to live it.. maybe shes trying to help you...
does not mean you have to depend on anyone
on what does not concern them..
you go speak to her son and tell him
you appriciate her for loving him so much but you would like her too please give you a chance too learn from her
as much affection,,,thats all you need from her and the family
only these good intentions....
the rest is the both of your responsibility as husband
and wife....you tell him immediatly the truth...
and then the both of you go tell those ladies
as simple as that
2007-05-06 12:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband-to-be, its up to him to sort this out just the same way as if it were your mother you have to. It is better if it comes from him as opposed to you if she is likely to take offence.
If he doesn't maybe you can create a list of things that she can do to help that way she feels she is included, shes prob over excited. Then let her know that you have ideas about your wedding day and want to do it yourself. She would be very selfish not to understand, because it is your day and you don't want to be angry on your wedding day thinking of what you potentially missed out on.
2007-05-06 11:51:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋