Help please ! Girlfriend hurts !?

Question

I am in love with a girl quite younger to me.She too loves me a lot and we're going to get married soon.She's quite eager about our marriage.I love her to the extent that I have sacrificed my ego totally for her.Even if she is wrong on some matters,I am the one to apologise.I can't live without her.I have become dependent on her for my happiness.If she's in some trouble or pain,or if she is sick,it is me who suffers because I can feel all of her pain.She just has to mention a need and I fulfill it.Even if I imagine losing her,I start getting tears in my eyes.Otherwise I am a grown up,mature and responsible sort of guy with a good professional and social life.The problem is that knowing my emotional dependency she has started getting a sort of sadistic pleasure by hurting me.Knowing that I am possessive about her,she mixes up with other men just to hurt me.Why is it that while the whole of the world is desperately seeking trust and faith,the person who gets these does'nt value them ?

Answer 1

I think there has to almost a perfect balance between both people in the relationship. If not, chances are it will not work. Almost all of us have had that relationship where the other person was near perfection, but the spark just isn't there. We realize this pretty early in a relationship, but try to work it out because you know that in a perfect world that person is "right" for you. They could be the best person in the world, but all it takes is one of you to lose that spark, maybe she lost it.

Answer 2

I got ur problem. It is... she has developed a kind of "FULFILLED" attitude and is looking for diversity and change. Which means... once a person's psychological needs are completely met exactly as they wanted or better than what they wanted, they are completely satisified and next thing that few over enthusiasts would do, is to feel satisfied and fulfilled and at this juncture they develop a kind of VEX towards it (because u wud go full bllom with the same kind of affection and love inspite of she being fulfilled) and they develop a new confidence (or proud) which is more than what they expected immediately start doing something to have a change and look for such change.

They stop thinking and appreciating ur love and affection and take it for granted.

This is a delicate situation and now that u r engaged, she is showing her tru nature of being a GIRL. (better get used to it buddy, because u r getting married to such a natural GIRL who has all instincts that a girl does :-(

But u can do few things:
1. U control ur aggressive affection and show as much as required
2. Tell her abt reality and power of time to change anything if not dealt properly
3. Tell her how she changed
4. If u r indian hindu, tell her the purpose and tradition of marriage and let whatever may change, the basics still are same.
5. Tell her how do u want to see both of u after getting married.
6. Ask her to express herself and her life-style and reconcie any differences
7. If she doesnt understand do somemore research into her personality (by looking at her friends and their nature - as people become friends when their natures match, by checking her astrology , by talking it out , by observing how she reacts to things and observe her nature towards her parents and others) and then see if u can adjust, if not ITS BEST TO STOP THE RELATION. I understand u love her , but buddy, u dont know how powerful is the time in changing the people and their loves and everything. U cant lover her anylonger if she gets sadistic and it becomes her nature. U Loved her for her personality and u just cant love if it changes.
simple.
So talk it out and do all the above and god bless U . Dont forget to remember that u r dealing with a GIRL. Beware before jumping.

Answer 3

The one thing you need to know is that from a mans perspective women do not make sense. If a woman treated us the way you say you do her we would eat it up and love it. But women aren't like that. Most all women are looking to her man to be just that, a man.

The one thing that turns off women almost universally is weakness in their man. Your dependency on her shows that weakness big time and regardless of how much she thinks she loves you that one thing will drive her away.

Unless you change yourself your relationship is doomed. If not now it will be later. I talked my first wife into marrying me against her better judgment. I could not imagine life without her so.... She did love me but not like she should have. Even though I didn't know it at the time she had multiple affairs during the first years of our marriage. All these guys did for her what I could not. I found out much later about them and it liked to kill me. "Do not let this happen to you". If you think losing her now hurts.........NO.

Men have ask for centuries....."what do women want"....and have no answers because women do not know what they want. Why are they almost always attracted to the "bad guys" and never to us good guys?

I have learned what I think is the reason. Men are reared by women. We had a strong need to please our mother so when we find someone we love as much as her some of us naturally fall right into that pattern. Women do not want a man to raise. They want to feel their man is independent and the more independent he is the stronger the attraction. As much as this seems to not be right to us...trust me it is.

Everything you have done to show your love has had the opposite effect. Sacrificing your ego as you put it was, and will continue to be, a big mistake. She expected you to stand up for yourself and when you don't instead of making her happy it has the opposite effect. What you will become to her is a brother. She loves you but will not be attracted to you. That is a horrible marriage for a man believe me.

Do not marry this girl until you get your act together. You will regret it I promise you.

Answer 4

Mehul,

First, the bad news... This girl doesnt love you.

Question 1 : do your parents, brother/sister treat you like this ??
I dont think so.
Why ????
Because they love you !!!

Now the good news !!!

You already realise that the girl is abusing your trust and if you marry her, she will break up your family.
She will make you choose between her and your family.
So if you are a man, and want to do the right thing for yourself and your family, ask the girl to get lost.

Go watch movies to get over her !!!!
Go out with your family.
Better still, if you are open with your family tell them the situation and tell them you need help to get over it.

If you can afford it go to a psychiatrist (because talking helps), as it will give you an outlet for your dissappointment.

Because of your situation, you will try to rationalise and say that it is OK.
BUT IT IS NOT !!!!
To save yourself and your family, you have to leave her now.

She will ask you to return, but you should not, as such people will always kick you when you are emotionally weak in life, and they can never be trusted.

SAVE YOURSELF !

Answer 5

Her love doesnt seem honest. i could kick her out if i've got been you. She seems to be utilising you. tell her that if she doesnt get a job or facilitates you around the living house, the dating is over. it somewhat is her project if she wont be waiting to discover a sparkling living house. you relatively ought to end letting her administration your lifestyles. She ought to manage a hardworking, great guy such as you with extra decency, love and know. You dont need to be taken care of like youre nicely worth no longer something. Your project is that your love has you relatively chained to her. That''s why you cant see that this occasion is going nowhere.

Answer 6

I don't know but, ive heard this from other guys and had my own experience with this; I would'nt want to go overboard and say that all women are fucked up, but this is really common when a woman feels she has control; she likes to test just how far she can take it, love means power. Some guys do the same thing, it's just a lack of respect on their part. Ditch her, your in for a world of hurt.

Answer 7

Isnt it always about the chase, not the goal? Maybe u need to show her some edge, something to suprise her. Dont hurt her feelings but show her u can be without her, so she understands that she might loose u if she thinks u r self-evident and will always be there for her. Maybe she will appriciate u more knowing u r not permanent.

Answer 8

You need to sit her down and tell her that you are aware of what she is doing. Tell her you love her, but you are unhappy with these games she is playing. Ask her if she wants to marry you or not. (Maybe she doesn't, and this is her way of trying to get out of it.) Maybe she is not mature enough to get married. Be prepared for the answer. This is no way to live. How would you like to be married to her and have her still doing this to you? You need to find out before you marry her.

If she can't be as considerate of your feelings as you are of hers then she doesn't deserve you. Believe me, there are plenty of girls out there who would be. Don't settle for someone who treats you like dirt unless you want to be chronically unhappy. You already sound unhappy, and that's not the way love is supposed to be. So get this settled now. Good luck to you sweet one.

Answer 9

You are acting like a door mat. The only woman who likes this is one who wants to wipe her feet on you.
If you want a woman to treat you reasonably then you must have an equal relationship.
It is too late for this relationship. Good luck.

Answer 10

love trust&in bed important