I was at a party. I got drunk and passed out on the couch. The host, my next door neighbor says he's gonna take me home. He had been smoking and drinking pot (whould have left when I saw the pot). Anyway, he takes me home and lays me on my bed and starts undressing me. I told him to get out and slapped him, but I was really drunk and laughed after I slapped. I told him to get out and did try to push away at him. Eventually I relented and didn't try to fight him anymore.
Did he rape me?
The next day he came and was really sorry and I cursed him and called him a rapist. But now I'm not sure if I should accept that he was drunk and not really in full capacity of himself and maybe that he might have mistaken my laughter and slapping as play.
What do you think? What should I do?
I told my boyfriend about it. He hates me now and is telling everybody about it. This sucks. Do I deserve this?
2007-05-06 00:43:56 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I agree that I put myself in a bad position by drinking. That was my responsibility. True. But I didn't invite him into my room. I tried to convey that I didn't want to have sex, but was drunk.
I passed out several times. And woke up when he was finished.
2007-05-06 00:56:58 · update #1
I agree. I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's a toughie to call because I still can't remember everything so clearly. And I don't want to destroy someone's life over it.
2007-05-06 01:01:36 · update #2
yeah, I think miscommunication is a good way of putting it.
My neighbor was in the wrong for what he did. But he admitted it and said he was sorry. People make mistakes. I don't want to ruin his life over it.
My boyfriend seemed fine when I told him about it. But then later after talking to his friends he snapped. Funny that someone who may or may not have raped you can act like more of a friend than your boyfriend.
My neighbor told me if he could take it back, he would. That means a lot to me.
My boyfriend is slandering me and hurting me when all I wanted to do was be honest with him about what happened.
Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
2007-05-06 02:07:58 · update #3
If you were against it you should have knee'd him in the nuts or tried, he would have realised you were serious, he may have seen your giggley slap as a tease or flirt.
No matter how high/drunk someone on or pot or drink they still know right from wrong, whether or not they understand you clearly is debatable. If he approached you apologeticaly he knows what he has done is wrong. The real question is how far do you want to take this, want to ruin his life? over misscommunication.
I think you should tell him in a calm manner what he did was wrong, you dont have to forgive him, but shouting rapist is just going to get attention.
Your boyfreind obviously doesnt trust you, I think you should write that off as over.
Not trying to upset you, but you guys sound like you are no way ready to be drinking alchohol, if you passed out you were acting irresponsibly in the 1st place.
I think you and him need to talk it through, regardless of wether you have him arrested and charged or not, he will most likely be doubting his own humanity for years to come without closure.
I feel sorry for you, you have been defiled and that is wrong all of the above is just my opinion. In the eyes of the law in most countrys you could get him arrested and locked up for rape.
2007-05-06 01:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by Link , Padawan of Yoda 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whoa this is a tough...
See if you ever said "no" during this. Even if it was playful or you were laughing.. in court it IS considered rape. When you're drunk you DO know what you're doing and he knew very well what he was doing and he saw that you were at a weak state and went for it anyway even though he shouldn't have because you weren't yourself... Even if you laughed or joked... he really shouldn't have taken it further.
I had an experience like this where I told the guy to stop but I didn't sound assertive enough. He kept thinking it was okay and I felt bad about it because I was so out of it from being drunk. After awhile I just became asertive and he stopped... I was lucky that he didn't rape me.
Let this be a lesson. Never get drunk around guys you don't trust. Hell don't get drunk with guys you DO trust.
2007-05-06 00:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by zizi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not rape. Stupid.
(*sigh*) Do you deserve your (ex) boyfriend spreading this around? No. He's a jerk, and you need to just end it. He already has by his behavior, and honestly so did you.
You need to make sure you get tested for STDs, and not have sex with anyone until you know you haven't picked up AIDs, and all the other little lovelys.
Then you need to ask yourself if you've learned anything from all this. You put yourself in a really bad situation, and something bad happened. It could have been worse. He could have been a murderer, or a real rapist. You both showed bad judgement.
Don't blame him for both of you being too drunk/stoned to behave. He had no reason to believe you were serious and as you said, you ultimately just relented.
You need to look at your life choices and decide what you want. I'm hoping this is not is.
2007-05-06 00:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You say you told him to get out & slapped him & tried to push him away, but did you tell him NO? That is what they are going to say.
In my opinion, YES, it was rape, even if the guy was drunk and high on pot.....to many people use pot as an excuse, but it really does not make you that out of it, matter of fact, you are more "in-tune" with it.
If you still feel that you were violated, then I would file a report.
If you are able to forgive him, since he apologized(did he ask you to forgive him?)
As for your b/f, he is not much of a b/f if he does not stand by your side in this time. He should NOT be mad at you, he should be mad at the guy who did this to you.
PLEASE talk to someone close to you, that you can trust and count on, to get their ideas on this matter.
GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS
2007-05-06 00:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by butterscotch'smomma 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My opinion might be controversial...but being drunk is no excuse for getting yourself into bad situations...you need to take some responsibility and accountability for your actions...there is a difference between rape and just letting yourself do something irresponsible. You were not raped. You're only thinking it's rape because you feel guilty the morning after...I bet if he was some 6' 4" muscled hunk who you were attracted to...you wouldnt have called it rape. We all have choices in life and you made yours.
2007-05-06 00:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by GirlsAreStupid!ThrowRocksAtThem! 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No, you shouldn't feel bad. You guys were both drinking and couldn't control what you did. But for your boyfriends sake, yea thats messed up. Next time, bring a friend and look out for each other, or go to parties with your boyfriend
2007-05-06 00:49:30 · answer #6 · answered by Just Another Cali Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The law would say that you were a victim of rape. You told him several times, that you didn't want to, and slapped him. I would say that you were forced, even though it was negligible. The unfortunate part is that you placed yourself in this position by your actions in drinking. You don't deserve whats happening, but you will have to find your way through it.
2007-05-06 00:50:08 · answer #7 · answered by Beau R 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
hello there.whats up???my-self viki here...u had some thing which is really nt i dnt hav wrds abt it ...bt waana know abt ur ques....so i think u r the best judjer of tht .cause whtevr happened tht dayu know the truth i.e. was u having some fun feeling at tht time means tht wht were the voice of ur inner soul....tht let it happend wd enjoyment means do u had any feeling 4 tht guy...or u was thinking tht whts going on and all should stop there.....so u know d best....and as far u askd abt wht u desrve is tht u know if u had drunked thn u should hav'nt takn tht guy to ur room and obviously if u r gonna be drunked thn a mans ego always come in4nt abt all this....
so dnt feel only guilt abt all wht happened bt learn a lesson frm tht and be careful 4 ur future...
ne-ways if u waana mail me can mail at playboy007_fun_4_u@yahoo.com or can cal me at 9988638355..when ever u feel tht u terribly need a frend and dnt hav any1 to share thn i will be there4 u...
take care and best of luk 4 ur future...
bye
viki
2007-05-06 01:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yea it's rape. No means no. Tell your boyfriend to take a hike. He needs to be more supportive. You need to call the cops and tell your friends so that you can get their support. You should also probably check into some counseling. This isnt your fault. Dont listen to any ride comments people make you didnt do anything to deserve any of this. Feel free to IM me or email me if you would like to chat:)
2007-05-06 00:48:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
i think this is a very serious matter.if u even suspect that u were raped u need to do something about it
i think the first thing u should do is ring a rape crisis helpline and explain the whole story to somebody there who is properly trained..it is hard to explain your story here
dont ignore this
2007-05-06 00:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋