My friend and her husband planned a casual dinner party inviting four people, for food and games at their house. They gave every one only a days notice and then said that they would like to have every one chip in $5.00 a head at the door to off set the cost of food. Well the idea did not sit well with any of us so no one showed. And then the friend was upset and called to ask if I could babysit so that her and her husband could go on a date instead. What is your opinion? How would you react the next time she talks to you?
2007-05-05 17:27:55 · 14 answers · asked by dolptat 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'd think this person does not plan things out very well. To invite everyone over with only 1 day's notice and then because she can't afford the food, to have her make people pay for it, doesn't seem right. Now she's upset because no one showed up??? Did she get everyone's agreement to come before she purchased the food?
I could see her being angry if people said they would show up and then didn't, because she was out the money for the food. But if she could not have afforded the food, she should not have spent the money.
I would explain that I just was not comfortable with that type of plan and enjoy being together instead of spending money.
2007-05-05 17:34:18 · answer #1 · answered by Searcher 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow. My take on this is quite different from the bitter concensus I read here. Please hear me out.
1. I don't feel that asking guests to pay for the meal is proper social etiquette - but between friends a lot of social rules are relaxed. What is more acceptable is to ask guests to bring a part of the meal, prepared (salad, appetizers, main course, dessert, etc.). But their invitation to a dinnner at their home (and asking for help on the cost) while not overly gracious, is not in itself rude.
Rue would be to invite you to dinner then make you sit through a 30 minute multi-level marketing presentation.....
2. Inviting guests to dinner a day in advance is short notice, but who has not heard of an impromptu, spontaneous gathering or party among friends? The host of course must realize that with a 24-hr notice there is a very good chance that many people will already be committed for tomorrow night, and unable to attend. But I see no offense in the 24-hr invite.
I would have gone to the dinner as invited and quietly handed them $10 in cash for me and my partner. Maybe even in a "Thank-You" note. Why? Because I value my friends and their invitation enough to "suffer" a small gaff in social norms.
Are you really saying you would only go if the meal was free? Of course not.
It seems that people here are all very quick to feel "offended" and justify shunning the couple. What happened to being gracious and overlooking the small faux pas?
I also wonder why the hostess was "upset." Did she invite people, prepare the food and nobody showed? I would be upset too! I would presume that people who were invited, and then decided not to attend, had the courtesy to call and RSVP "no, with regrets." If they did not, THAT is the greater rudeness.
Not sure about the babysitting thing - again, that's something people often ask their friends to do.
The next time she called I would be their friend. Are you sure you want to be a friend to her? If not, that;'s OK - but in my opinion this incident is not sufficient to angrily break off a friendship. Possibly you have already offended her even worse - by what you may have said to other invited guests behind her back.
2007-05-06 08:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by Richard of Fort Bend 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to let this chick know why no one showed, in very clear language, since she didn't seem to get the hint before, and had the gall to ask you to babysit her child so she could go on a date with her husband. Basically, she jumped directly from one rude behavior to another.
If your friend is hostessing a dinner party, that means that the cost is covered by the couple, not the guests.
Tacky, tacky, tacky.
When you talk to her next (and this needs to be done in a casual conversation, and in a non-threatening way), tell her that you were offended by the fact that they gave such little notice, expected the guests to pay when she and her husband planned the party, and especially for getting upset and calling you to watch her daughter so she and her husband can have the night out. This is especially rude since she gave little notice for the party and then gave no notice for the babysitting. Plus, it sounds like she was implying that watching her kid is the least you could do after you didn't show for the dinner party.
2007-05-05 17:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I would be shocked if a friend tried to charge me $5 to eat dinner at her house. If she couldn't afford to throw a dinner party, then she shouldn't have offered to, or she should have told you that she was going to need some help paying for the party before everyone showed up at the door.
If your friend enjoys hosting but simply isn't able to afford food for everyone, perhaps she should through a pot luck dinner next time. You could run this idea by her.
As far as the babysitting goes, it's tacky for her to ask you to babysit on a night when she knows you were already planning to relax. If you were going to have dinner at her house, and didn't follow through with those plans because she was going to charge you, she should know that you're going to have to eat dinner somewhere else and possibly make other plans for the evening.
Besides, if she can't afford to throw a party, how can she afford to pay a babysitter and then go out on a date?
Something doesn't add up....
2007-05-05 18:10:47 · answer #4 · answered by Magic 8 Ball 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
VERY tacky, you don't invite someone and then ask for money. I would be really annoyed, obviously this woman has NO class. Now if you were having a community gathering or something i can see pitching in for food, or everyone bringing an item. I don't know how you should act toward her, some people never learn, she might just not understand how that was inconsiderate.
2007-05-05 17:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by Julz 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
seriously, this woman is not very classy. she was throwing a small party, not running a night club. this might come off as mean, but would her party even be worth your $5, you might as well go to a restaurant and spend time with her there. as to how you should react. let her know you are annoyed, but don't be too harsh, maybe she just doesn't know much by way of ettiqute. explain then forget it if you are good friends
2007-05-05 18:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by Rowill 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If I wanted to pay for dinner, I'd go to a restaurant. These are some cheap-arsed friends you got! Yes, I would babysit, as long as they paid me.
2007-05-05 18:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That does seem really tacky, but if you have been good friends for a while, and this was out of the ordinary I'd let it slide unless she asked. If she asks or if you really need to bring it up, politely tell her how you feel.
2007-05-05 17:33:03 · answer #8 · answered by Katy B 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Rude rude rude. That showed them when no one showed up.
But asking you to babysit? I just wouldn't answer the phone anymore. They sounds like world class cheapa**'s and inconsiderate to boot.
2007-05-05 18:17:36 · answer #9 · answered by CleoCATra 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow how extremely rude! i would talk about this with her. or let her know why no one showed up. seems like she is asking you to babysit since it would be the least you could do for her.
2007-05-05 18:32:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋