What do you think? funny? It's long but stick with it. Pun intended?

Question

One of my favourites.

So, do you WAX?????

Only a woman can laugh at this. No one else would dare! Hope you enjoy!
This has to be one of the funniest and most awful scenarios I have ever
heard of... Bless this woman!!!

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now.... The Wax!!

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner;
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should do the hair removal thing for
the month?"

So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold
wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your
leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off! No mess, no fuss. How hard
can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but am mechanically inclined enough
that I can figure it out.

*YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each together,
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hairdryer
and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my r e a r end (Oh, how this phrase
haunts me!).

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!!!

Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward body
hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop
my p a n t i e s and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the
bikini line, covering the right half of my 'you know what' and stretching down to the
inside of my b u t t cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and
brace myself....

RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH DEAR GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

I'm making noises that only dogs can hear .

Vision slowly returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
of the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP...

Everything is swirly and spotted . I cannot breath or speak - I have
forgotten how ..

Do I hear crashing drums?????

Wait a few minutes and I'm back to normal (nearly) After all this I want to
see my trophy !!! - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused
me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it!

Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still
perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over the most
sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . .

Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do
something, so I put my foot down.

DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

V? Sealed shut!

B u t t?? Sealed shut!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??

WRONG!!!!

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than then that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilise surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water!! (Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax) So, now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced me I
should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking surely
she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me undone. It's a very
good conversation starter, "So my b u t t and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!

There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to
hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located.

"Are we talking b u t t o c k cheek or is it covering - you know -
Everywhere(cringe factor 20000 at this point) ?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!

I should be the 'b u t t' of someone else's work-night jokes.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with
a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip
into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand
reaches towards the saving grace...The lotion they give you to remove the
excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my
friend, but I really don't care!!

"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice, to
my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . .

Answer 1

OMG!!!!!!!!! I actually know women who've tried this....no wonder they all have that look on their faces when I ask how their night went....LOL.....

You'll have to excuse me, I need tissue's for these tears of laughter!!!!!!!LOL

Ta very much for the joke......LOL

Answer 2

Oh my life!!!

That must be THE most funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Wish there was a way to give you more than one star, because you REALLY deserve it!!!

Cheers for the laughter - and also the tears!!!!

Answer 3

I adore you! what a truly horrible experience! that is worse than taht time i got a lemming stuck in the garbage disposal and had to call 911 to get him out! I called the plumber, but he was dead and my mom was busy at the Boy Ranch. That was awful.♥

Answer 4

You shouldn't assume that a man cant relate nor laugh at a very funny story ( I have waxed for charity so I do know.) have a star for determination.

Answer 5

LOL! You were right! Only a woman could laugh at this, because only a woman can relate!

A bit long, but well worth the laugh at the end! :-)

Answer 6

That was brilliant very long but I never laughed as much or cringed. I could feel her pain.

Answer 7

10/10 on the chuckle scale !

Answer 8

Fantastic ! 10/10.

Answer 9

brilliant pmsl 10/10

Answer 10

FANTASTIC!!!!
That's the funniest thing I have read for a long time!
Thanks for making me laugh- not just giggle!

Have a star...it would have been a thumbs up, but they took that away from us!