How do I get my 3 y/o to tell us when he has to go to the bathroom?

Question

Our son is three yrs old. He doesn't have a problem sitting on the toilet and never gives us a fight about it, but he never tells us he has to go. We've been taking him ever hour in an effort to show him to use the bathroom instead of pull-up's, but he's still wetting the pull-ups.......and pooping.....he has yet to poop on the toilet....always in the pull-up. We've tried rewards....praise......everything we can think of. I would like him to move to the next step, but he's SO hardheaded. Any ideas?

OK...Yes I know it's our fault for starting late....this is our first kids and he didn't come with instructions. Lets not play the blame game here and try to be helpful. He has pooped in his pull-ups and sat in it to the point of a SERIOUS rash...so the discomfort thing is out.
We have also tried the star/stricker chart for reward/praise. We,ve been training him for about 5 months.
Asking him isn't working because he says NO to everything....even when he poops in his pants.

Answer 1

My son is 2, and has been reliably dry since Jan 07. We are still having problems with the poos though, which he prefers to do in his pants.

There is no straight answer, and I know how frustrating it is!
What if you tried taking him out of the pull-ups and into 'big boy ' pants. Yes you will have some amount of washing, but maybe the pull up (half nappy half pants) is a confusing message for him? Also I would maybe try totally relaxing about the whole toilet thing. Just wait till he does something then say never mind, try and get it in the toilet next time! If you are uptight, so will he be and will be less likely to 'perform' under pressure!

Also, maybe try a star chart or similar reward scheme.

How long have you been trying to train him for? Are you maybe all just frazzled? What about just putting him back in nappies for a month or two and starting afresh, more positive and relaxed?

Hope this is of help. Of course, I am still having problems getting my son to poo in the toilet, so I don't profess to be an expert on it! I am just trying to make very light of it and hoping that over time he will just decide to do them in the toilet! Wow, toilet training isn't easy is it!

Addition: Many people have very strong feelings about toilet training and child rearing in general. Please don't feel you have done anything wrong! You are the expert on your child, and have done what you felt best to now. You are looking for advice, not blame and guilt! Also, there is huge variety in when people think it is right to start training. Again I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. But my own opinion is that for my son it was right to leave it until he showed me he was ready and had some basic abilities i.e. awareness of motions and need to pee, language skills to communicate this, gross and fine motor skills to move to toilet, pull down pants and do the toilet. Personally I think starting children before this takes place is pointless and painful for everyone! And children reach these milestones at very different times and different orders. Finally, if there are any emotional upsets or changes, this usually delays toilet control.

Answer 2

As a parent of two boys I strongly believe that your son will be the one to tell you when he is ready, rather than the other way around :-) He is key to the whole thing...

Please try not to worry about this stage, just be a little relaxed about the whole thing and above all else resist any outside pressure or influence. Avoid at all cost putting pressure on your little one. Perhaps having a small break of one or two weeks without any mention of toilet or potty will do you all some good. You might want to consider getting him some cotton pants particularly if he has a favourite character i.e. (Thomas, Bob the Builder) These would resemble big boy pants. He may have an accident or two but hey....it's not the end of the world :-)

My son went from pull-ups directly to (Thomas pants) and because the texture of the material felt different he soon realised he didn't like the feeling of wet cotton pants then very quickly he simply used the toilet step and in the standing position urinated into the toilet he enjoyed the idea of making a little fountain :-)

By the way... IT'S DEF NOT YR FAULT !!! sop beating yourself up about it, just a new stage, many more to follow.
Good luck

Answer 3

potty training is the hardest thing I've encountered as a parent. Everyone has an idea.

I will tell you one thing I learned the hard way, do not yell, scream or discipline your child about the potty. Children as super smart and that will backfire big time.

Don't talk about the potty all the time either, just treat it like you do bath time, something you have to do. laissez-faire attitude. Oh, you had an accident? Okay, let's change your underwear. That's it, no drama, no lecture, no attention.

With my experience training two children, 'telling' you that he has to go is the last phase to develop. You will have to continue this hourly thing until the accidents are few are far between.

Also, children know when they have a pull-up on, I would suggest underwear. If you have to leave the house I would put the pull-up over the underwear so he can feel that he is wet. It may deter him. I suggest staying home as much as possible during this training.

Put the potty in his room so that he can go when he feels the need. My children would do this better than 'tell' me b/c there wasn't time.

That's it. Oh, one more thing. With my second child, I had her put panties on her favorite animal and we 'trained' piggy to go potty and made a big deal about piggy's success and it made a big difference with her own success. She would not bribe either, actually neither of my children trained with bribes.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

You are late but it is NEVER to late... Have tried letting him be naked? He will go on the floor a few times I am sure, but he feel and see the pee, it takes about 1 year to train I think, and you have only been at it for 5 months, so it will take some more time... Do not give up, keep asking him and putting him on the pot, always before bed and as soon as he gets up and keep telling him to tell you... Does he wake up wet still? Tell him big boys go on the potty and maybe use diapers again so he wants to wear under pants... Good luck

Answer 5

Yea, take away anything that matters to him, treat him like an adult or scold him. You should teach your children to take responsiblity at an early age, this will promote a healthy attitude throughout their entire life. The point here is to provide incentive. Whatever you are doing has no incentive although it appears that it does. This is something he obviously doesn't want to do, so push is going to HAVE TO come to shove, or you will lose this battle. Its that simple. Usually the best motivator is conflict because people dont like conflict. Its more of a motivator than a reward, because people can live without the reward but they cant escape conflict. Conflict is something they cant run from and something they dont want. Thats just the human way. I know it sucks that we are not perfect but you wanted a child so here you go. I personally would still be very kind about it, but I would tell him that he is no longer allowed to play with this or that until he can demonstrate responsibility in telling me when he needs to go. Also, stress how important this is. To him, its not important. You should ask yourself why its important and understand it and burn it into his head make him feel it and believe it so it makes more sense. I know hes young and he wont completely understand but thats a parents job even if you have to make up a silly lie like the boogy man will come get him if he doesnt tell you. Anyways good luck take it from there.

Answer 6

Hi there! ah yes, the wonders of toilet training! My advice is to get rid of the pull ups - they may give him mixed signals. Pop on a pair of jockies or training pants (so he gets to know the sensation of being wet) and then on in is patience and perseverence. He will get there, once he learns the difference between being wet and dry. Goodluck and keep at it but never force the issue cause stress can make him regress everytime. Make it a game and fun and see how you go.

Answer 7

Does he have a older brother?I had my older son go to the bathroom and when he came out of the bathroom he would tell his younger brother it's your turn and it worked because he always wanted to "act big" and do the same as his brother.I also have a daughter and she didn't have a big sister so I did the same even if I didn't have to go I would go in there and stay a minute and then she would go.Children at that age like to mimic.Good Luck I know its a tough job~

Answer 8

What if you encouraged him to go to the bathroom on his own? It's possible that the trouble is with him having to tell a grown-up, not with using the potty. Make the bathroom accessible (stool, light that's left on or easy for him to turn on, toilet paper within easy reach, training seat so he doesn't fall in, etc.) Then tell him "You can go potty whenever you need to." yet continue to ask him periodically if he needs to go.

Good luck.

Answer 9

i learned you never should pressure him it will happen .just tell him he's doing a great job when he goes I used my nephew to help me he's about 3 years older than my son and he told him big boys like him used the potty instead of in their pants. got any little ones around?

Answer 10

Start to Ask Him if he has to go.since he doesn't know what it means yet, you show him. since he already knows what you're supposed to do on the toilet, he should be smart enough to know that you are telling him that he needs to go(to the bathroom) before he actually goes on himself. it should get easier for him as the days go on...