All. Im in love with a wonderful lady. We have a good relationship. She tells me she loves me and i believe i love her. She has been hurt in the past by men. She has a daughter from a previous marriage in which she was badly treated. Things are good between us except when it comes to sex. We were together for approx 4 months before we had sex. It was great for me anyway and she seemed to enjoy it. Then once during sex she said it was hurting and said that I had a big penis which she wasnt used to. We now have sex once per week which i get the feeling she does to keep me happy. Most nights she makes it clear that there will be no sex - too tired, period, last night was a bladder infection. I love the woman and would do anything for her but would like more sex - i would like her to enjoy it too. What should i do? Thanks.
2007-05-05 11:29:05 · 15 answers · asked by Pa J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ask her how you can make it enjoyable for her
2007-05-05 11:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by Ghanaian Princess 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Be patient with her. There are legitimate reasons for not wanting to all the time.
If it's hurting her, there may be other underlying reasons that she doesn't realize.. Perhaps she has an infection, or perhaps because it's hurt in the past she tenses up when it's time to have sex and that causes immense pain.
And definitely exhaustion is a good excuse to wait another night. Maybe you should help her relax and give her some time off from child-rearing etc so she can 'recharge' and maybe you'd find its much easier to get her to have sex.
Also being extra thoughtful and all might help put her in the mood more. Just don't stress her out about it, because the less pressure she has over it, the more likely she may be to work with you.
Just ideas.
2007-05-05 11:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by Katy B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be a caring friend to her. Find sex elsewhere. The whole point of a non-platonic relationship is to find a partner with a healthy attitude toward sex and enjoy a sex life. Otherwise, your just basically friends anyway so why bother with trying to make something work that just isn't happening. I tried it for years until I eventually found another partner that loves crazy sex and its a much better situation with no hassles. Relationships DO NOT have to be hard if you find the right fit.
2007-05-05 16:47:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should talk to her about this issue. There isn't any other way. I don't think her execuse (your penis size) is good enough, however, she had bad previous relationship. Maybe she is afraid of the whole thing or she is scared that you might do something to her that will remind her of something in her past.
The best way is to talk to her and tell her that you care alot about her and will never hurt her in anyway. If sex means anything, it's only the two of you showing that you both love each other so much and want to make the two of you happy because it makes you two happy if the other partner is happy? (Do you know what I mean?).
If she is willing to try, then good, if she is not willing, I think you should appreciate what happened to her in the past and think of other ways to make her happy.
2007-05-05 11:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by peachy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like parenthood paranoia or he is cheating on you. Most men if they got a woman that wants sex all the time they are most of the time when and where baby. This sounds suspicious he is either totally freaked about getting you pregnant or he simply likes BJJ's more then intercourse in that case he is a strange one. Time to sit down and talk ask him why he is always making excuses and truthfully 1-2 a week is plenty no need to screw all the time maybe he is getting bored with it.
2016-04-01 09:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said she had been hurt by men in the past, right? I think you best bet is to tell her how you are feeling and ask her if what happened with the other men in her past has anything to do with her not wanting sex, that could be the problem, if she has been hurt in the past then that is more than likely what is going on in your relationship, if that does so happen to be the case then explain to her that your not like those other men and then tell her that you understand, and when you say you understand you have to be genuine about it, if you really love this woman than you have to really care that she is in this predicament!!!
2007-05-05 11:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Ashley♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The idea that if she's not in the mood that she's saving it for another man is ABSURD.
Lots of things can put a woman out of the mood...depression, illness, exhaustion, self-image problems, hormone deficiency, lack of adequate foreplay/attention, etc. If intercourse is painful for her, its not because you're "too big." It could be lack of lubrication or foreplay. The vagina can and will stretch to conform to any size...but chemical changes occur to relax the vaginal walls, hence the need for foreplay.
Your job is to find out what you can do to help make things right.
Tell her you miss the intimacy and want to do what it takes to make things right between you. Hire a sitter, go away for the weekend. Treat her amazing, compliment her often. Offer to help around the house. All of these things can put your sex life back on track.
I'm the mother of seven. I desire my husband very much, but gosh...I'm just worn out! When he massages me or arranges for us to be alone without the kids, we have amazing sex.
2007-05-05 11:37:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, tell her how you feel. Make her as comfortable as you can and remind her that you will not hurt her and your only there to make her feel good. Start it with a massage and and kiss her and whisper things in her ear. Just take it slow and she'll open up to you. Maybe her ex hurt her so so bad that shes still traumatized from it and needs more time. Respect her wishes if thats what she says she wants. Dont give her attitude.
2007-05-05 11:34:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
if youre not having sex regularly then it will hurt her and her body would have to adjust to you each time. if you are living together you should be having regular sex to get her adjusted to you or use more foreplay and lubrication. maybe she is also emotionally stressed by not being married. or something else in her life that would cause her to not have enough natural lubrication. even her recalling the pain would cause her to be stressed enough to not enjoy looking forward to it.
2007-05-05 11:36:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iam talking to a religious person?,if so,then it is wrong to have sex outside marriage.Also her weak response to love making can be connected to a serious medical implications.If you really love her then bear with her.
2007-05-05 11:54:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2007-05-05 11:35:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋