SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE!!!!
i have been with my partner for 5 years...no kids
i really want to travel but he doesn't.he wants to go back to college first but isnt eligible until september 2008.his course is for 3 years.he says he would go then but that isn't until 2011 but i am not prepared to wait that long..i want to go NOW!!
a friend of mine is going to new zealand for the second time in august this year and i really want to go with her.
alot of my friends have gone away for a gap year and i feel i am being left behind and it is really getting me down
i get sooo jealous when i hear all their stories and see photos that it depresses me.
i dont want life to pass me by and i dont want to have any regrets.at the moment i am starting to resent my boyfriend because i feel he is keeping me from getting out and seeing the world..i feel this will only get worse the more time that passes.
friends all tell me i should go. the whole "u only live once" attitude...
am i being selfish?
2007-05-05 11:16:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we are both 24
2007-05-05 11:16:45 · update #1
No your not being selfish but you need to weigh up what you want to do more - stick with your man or go travelling - personally if travelling is your dream do it - at the end of the day he's made his decision - to stay with or without you, its up to you - best of luck in decision cause it ain't gonna be easy
2007-05-05 11:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by Soul Reason 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being selfish at all & I don't think your partner is being unreasonable either as you both have different ambitions at this point in time. 5 years IS a serious relationship BUT you were young when the relationship started & this is, sadly, what happens when you meet at a young age ....
If I were you I would go to NZ with your friend. You don't necessarily have to break up with your partner unless he is absolutely not going to accept this & if he wont then finish the relationship. If you are already starting to resent him now then it will definitely only get worse. If you have a passion for travel & new experiences, trust me, it never dies & it is much better to do stuff when you are young, free & not tied down to marriage/kids - if he really is the guy for you then he will wait, or your paths will cross again in years to come .....
The reason I suggest this is because I always wanted to travel but never did because I got a really good job when I was 20 & was earning loads of money, being a 'career woman' etc blah blah & I just wasn't going to lose that .... but at the same time I had a school friend who spent several years temping in London on & off to get the cash to do her next big trip & literally travelled the world - we are both now married & travelling is not an option for either of us & although we are both happy now I am still envious of the experiences she had which I will never achieve & think about it on a regular basis ... (I am only 8 years older than you incase I sound like I'm old enough to be your mother !!!!)
2007-05-05 22:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by Mari C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it selfish to want the things we want. No, it isn't. It's something we all do so you are not being selfish.
This is a good question and if I was you I would go. If you was my girlfriend I would come with you. This is a chance of a lifetime and if you live in the uk you will have the chance to leave this stupid country with it's stealth laws and taxes with more miles of roadworks than the whole of europe put together.
They do have colleges in New Zealand and for me 3 years would be just too long to wait.
Don't pass up on the opportunity as in 20 years time when you are my age you will be wondering what if.........
Send me a post card
2007-05-05 19:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by martin m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically I suppose you are being selfish, in an always put others before you sort of way. In reality you need to look after yourself, and sometimes that means being selfish. You sound like you really need to travel, while you're young. So go. Sure your priorities are different, and you might lose him. But if he was as considerate as you shouldn't he be telling you to go? Or offering to come with you? It boils down to a simple choice. Go and risk losing him, wondering how it could have been. Or stay and keep him, and wondering what the travelling experience could have taught you. Whatever you decide don't resent him or yourself, because you're just different people with different priorities, and that's life.
2007-05-05 23:42:24 · answer #4 · answered by T M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think your being selfish. You both want/need different things right now. Do you think your relationship would survive you going away for a year? I think you will only resent your boyfriend more and more and you could be 40yrs old, 3 kids round your ankles thinking if only.. Or you could open yourself up to a world of possibilities (sorry to be so cliche). I dont want to disregard your relationship, only you can answer the questions that need to be answered in that sense. But I just know how tiring, annoying, downright depressing it can be when I think of all the 'if only's'.
2007-05-05 18:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by ayngel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Live your life for yourself, not for your partner. A partnership should be 50/50, right now you are doing all of the giving. If you go on the trip, you will be glad that you did. You really need to do things separately from each other, and not have so much togetherness, that gets boring. If he really cares, he will tell you to go on the trip. You are definitely NOT the one being selfish.
2007-05-05 18:21:51 · answer #6 · answered by WE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go. You sound exactly like me. I was supposed to go to study abroad and I never did because I was with my bf & he didn't want me to go. I was 23. Now, four years later, and I'm with someone else anyway. Our dreams were not compatible. No matter what it was, he didn't want me to do it. the only things he really approved of were me slaving away at my crappy go nowhere job, so I seemed responsible...anyway enough about me...the point is that I am now 27 years old and I am just now traveling around! I'm lucky that I even got the chance. Take it while you still can. He should love you either way if it is meant to be.
2007-05-06 00:05:10 · answer #7 · answered by anonymous M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no i don't think you're being selfish at all......you only live once.....you may regret it in years to come if you don't go. your boyfriend really shouldn't be trying to hold you back...he should be supporting you. if you both are meant to be together for the rest of your lives then it really shouldn't matter and shouldn't effect your relationship should you spend time apart from eachother.....it might infact make the relationship stronger.
it is up to you after all
but my opinion is that you should go....enjoy life....and hopefully he will still be there for you when you return....if he isn't then maybe you two are just not meant to be.
anyway good luck and if you do go on this trip then have a brill time.
2007-05-05 18:23:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the point of life if you don't get to do what you want?
I think if your man cares enough about you, he will go with you. This trip will be of great benefit for both of you. If he, however, doesn't want to go, he atleast shouldn't stop you from going with your friend.
You live your life. There is nothing selfish about that, and your boyfriend should know better.
2007-05-05 18:23:13 · answer #9 · answered by peachy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You DO only live once so do exactly what YOU want to do without any regrets. If you don't the resentment will eventually turn to hate and will split up anyway.
2007-05-06 09:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jules 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋