My bf is very attractive, makes me laugh, and very loving. Because of his religion, he has never celebrated holidays such as Christmas and Valentines day, but now he is willing to learn them and understand it's importance and wants to make that his customs as well(he's a Jehovah's Witness). He even gave up his Witness fellowship to be with me and is pretty much disowned by his family. He is so handsome, kind, and I know he is very much in love with me. He is a great kisser and wants to wait for marriage to have actual intercourse, but has come up with many other great alternative to please me. I know I love him, but something doesn't fill right. I tried to break up w/ him and he said he'd never eat again. He promised that if I left him that he would waste away and I believe him bc one time I got mad @ him bc of his family and he would not eat and lost about 5 lbs in a week from 170 to 165. I love him very much too, so why do I push him away?
2007-05-05 09:48:53 · 29 answers · asked by YaShen 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It would seem that this questioner recognizes that she is bad for her boyfriend, and subconsciously recognizes that what is best for him is someone other than herself.
The Scriptures clearly instruct a true worshipper to marry only another true worshipper.
(Exodus 23:32) You are not to conclude a [marriage or other] covenant with them or their gods.
(Deuteronomy 7:3) And you must form no marriage alliance with [unbelievers]. Your daughter you must not give to his son, and his daughter you must not take for your son.
(1 Corinthians 7:39) She is free to be married to whom she wants, only in the Lord.
(Nehemiah 13:25) You should not give your daughters to [the unbeliever's] sons, and you should not accept any of their daughters for your sons or yourselves.
(2 Corinthians 6:14) Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.
The Scriptures also warn against elevating human desires above godly teachings.
(2 Thessalonians 2:1-3) We request of you not to be quickly shaken from your reason... Let no one seduce you in any manner
(Romans 16:17-18) Keep your eye on those who cause ... stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them. ...by smooth talk and complimentary speech they seduce the hearts of guileless ones.
(2 Timothy 4:3-5) For there will be a period of time when they will not put up with the healthful teaching, but, in accord with their own desires, they will accumulate teachers for themselves to have their ears tickled... You, though, keep your senses in all things, suffer evil, do the work of an evangelizer, fully accomplish your ministry.
Learn more:
http://watchtower.co.uk/e/19990215/article_01.htm
2007-05-08 08:20:52 · answer #1 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All girls fanaticize to be with a perfect guy - one who will sacrifice anything, will worship the ground you walk on, make you his number one priority, is physically attractive, etc. Girls long for this type of man. Perhaps this entire positive ness that your boyfriend rubs off is actually pushing you away. Yes, you may love him, but maybe you're looking for someone who won't do EVERYTHING for you. (I may be wrong, IDK, this is just some input). Your boyfriend has given up so much to be with you, obviously he loves you, but perhaps all this he is doing is making you feel smothered? Maybe you feel that he is too clingy, and you would like to be more independent. For him to profess or threaten that if you were to leave, he would not eat - that in itself may be a turnoff to you. When he does such a thing, maybe he does it in a sympathetic manner - so that you would feel sorry for him, and would not leave. That is not healthy - because if that is the case, he may threaten to do worse things so that you will feel pity for him and will never leave - that may be his way of trapping you.
It's ok to be so kind and generous and loving - the way your boyfriend is. Depending on how long you two have been together, if you're planning to get married, how close the two of you are - being too nice isn't always so nice. Sometimes it's healthy to have disagreements and arguments here and there in a relationship. Maybe you think he's too nice, and needs to ease and lighten up? Maybe he needs to take a step back from basing his life upon you - because I'm sure you want to do things with your life that does not involve your boyfriend 24-7.
Maybe what I perceive is totally wrong, and I apologize if this did not help any. But you should really sit down and talk to your boyfriend if you're growing a part from him. Try and make some compromises first before totally breaking it off. By the sounds of it, he'll be really upset, but if he is not what you want in life, then you shouldn't force yourself to be with him, you'll be unhappy - and that is not what you deserve.
Hope this helped
.
2007-05-05 10:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by Loves It<3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that since the two of you haven't consummated the relationship physically that you don't feel as connected to him as you would if the situation was different and the two of you were sexually active. I'm not saying that you should do something that goes against your beliefs, but the physical side of love can be a bonding experience. He sounds like a great guy, and I'm sure that you are a catch as well, and I hope that you are aware of that. Although it is a little disturbing how clingy he seems to be and that he uses emotional blackmail in dealing with you. That may mean he has some stability issues. Be careful and monitor that tendency in him. In the mean time, don't be so hard on yourself and him. If it's meant to be it will be. I wish you luck.
2007-05-13 09:20:55 · answer #3 · answered by sustasue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In every relationship one person is more into the other person. It seems like he has given up an awful lot to be with you, and that in itself places great pressure on you, in making this relationship work. Sometimes a relationship is too 'easy' - and probably is part of the same psychology why people stay/go out with someone who treats them not so nicely. Opposites attract.
As for his eating problems, you cannot be responsible for him 24 hours a day. Else you will end up carrying a lot of guilt on your shoulders, and feeling responsiblefor him even after the relationship is over. You could always leave a contact number for the Samaritains lying around.
But you need to decide if you wish to stay in this relationship or not. And only you can decide, as you will have to live by your decision.
2007-05-05 10:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by beausbreeches 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you be pushing away because of the sex issue? You are saying that you love him but you want to breal up with him. This person has sacrificed so much for you, he is deeply in love with you, I really can't see the issue but sex. Are you afraid to commit? Or are you just looking for a bad boy? If I were you I would count my blessings. It could also be that youu are not "in love" with him and he is "in love" with you. If you really don't have a valid reason for breaking up like, he cheated on your or abuses you then I would at least give it more time to see where it is going. You don't wany any regrets. How long have you been together?
2007-05-13 08:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by Meticulous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not a good thing giving up your religion for someone. Maybe that is what does not feel right. We r all sinners and we make mistakes .I surely wd. not want someone to do this for me. I would never ask that. Clearly the man needs strength in his life and reality. Maybe a new church to help him find out what will make him happy. He needs to walk on his on 2 feet w/o you . What kind of a husband wd. he be if he waste away? What kind of a husband is he if he cannot admit to his faults ..You need to look at this and know that you must be strong he also or it will cause problems in his future., and in yours. A strong man will find the solution to his own happiness.
2007-05-05 10:04:46 · answer #6 · answered by htrime 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless him, he is madly in love with you. You need to ask yourself the question, are you madly in love with him?
It looks as if his feelings for you are stronger than your feelings are for him.
Maybe although you love him, you need something new and exciting and your getting bored of waiting for s-3-x.
If you are sure that your madly in love, then why not get married? Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? If you know that he is who you want to be with, then whats stopping you? Then of course you'll be able to have s-3-x again as well.
It seems that you've accepted and been understanding about his wishes. Maybe if you are missing the s-3-x side of the relationship you could talk about it with him? Maybe ask him if he is willing to give it a try? Tell him if he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, then its like your already married anyway.
Best Wishes
Good Luck
You have a great guy!
2007-05-05 10:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by Sahra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you push him away because you feel like you're being used. He is using you as a way to experience the life he never got to live being a Jehovah's Witness. You're not his lover, you probably feel more like his teacher, and it's wearing on your nerves. I'm also guessing that you have at least a bit more experience than he does (sexually, in life, etc.) and you feel like he's behind the curve, which also may be a turn-off for you.
Another big turn-off is being manipulated. It is unfair for him to force you to ignore your honest feelings and stay with him when he threatens you with starving himself. This sounds like more than affection, it sounds, again, like he's used you to experience life like a "normal" person, and now you're taking his new and improved life away by breaking up with him.
In short, he made the choice to turn his back on his religion and family. I think you know that he's not what you're looking for, but you feel guilty because he has insinuated that he gave everything up for you. He didn't! He just wasn't happy with his life and you were his excuse for escape. Hence why he probably speaks so bitterly about birthdays and holidays and never getting to experience them until now. Scrape him off, the relationship this unhealthy and you know it.
2007-05-05 10:01:12 · answer #8 · answered by wendy_the_pyro 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He don't sound that great to me. What did he buy you for christmas? And if you try to break up with him, he'll never eat again. Let the control freak starve. Thats his choice. And no sex. Its 2007 sweetheart. And heaven forbid that in a few years time should you or your children need a blood transfusion, would he allow it? Get rid and relish the power!
2007-05-13 08:19:02 · answer #9 · answered by oldpinky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is an old saying the grass is always greener on the other side........ But this guy obviously thinks alot about you to give up his fellow ship and be disowned by his family, trust me they is a lot of slime balls out there. It sounds like to me that you need to hang on to this guy a genuine guy like him is very hard to come by .
It works both way as well.What have you given up for him? for this to work you have to bend a little,dont let him get seperated from his family over religion after all they be your family as well one day
2007-05-05 10:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by robin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋