How do you respectfully tell your mother...?

Question

that you don't want to hear her bad-mouth people? My mother talks bad about everybody... other family members, friends, even people she hardly knows or hasn't seen for decades. It drives me crazy. She never has anything good to say, and I get so sick of hearing it. Even though I am an adult, I still have to respect my mother and not be rude to her by saying what's on my mind. Short of not calling her anymore, I don't know what to do. It stresses me out so badly every time I talk to her... I just don't want to hear it anymore. She's easily offended and easily hurt. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I would simply tell her that it really bothers me when she speaks badly of others. I would tell her it totally ruins my day when she never has anything positive to say about others.

Tell her its getting to the point where sometimes you avoid her company due to this very behavior.

Trust me, if you say it to her in this manner, she will stop, think, and cease her bad behavior.

Answer 2

I Have A Mother And Two Mother-In-Laws And Probably More Than Just Them The Same Way: If They Get Hurt And Offended So Easily, Then They Should Have Learned How It Feels When They Do The Exact Same Things To Others That They Themselves Can't Handle. Who Says That Just Because Your An Adult You Still Have To Respect And Not Be Rude When Somethings On Your Mind? Stress Is A Number One Killer On The Body That Causes So Much Damages To It, You Have To Get Away From It Just So You Can Heal. Plus If You Carry The Stress With You, You Will Be More Angry And Resentful, More Unforgiving, And Take Things Out On Other People That Don't Deserve The Same Things. You Need To Keep A Distant Relationship From Her Besides The Phone, And Just Live Your Life The Way You See Fit, Until She Wants To Come Around Apollogetically, And Not Think That She Has To Have Control Over Things That Is Out Of Her Control.

It Will Help Somebody To Be Stress Free, And Really Help To Make A Healthier Relationship, Just Long Distance. Tell Her How Much It Bothers You And Until She Cares To Grow Up, She Has No Reason To Tell You How To Be An Adult Until She Knows How To Be One, She Took You As Far As You Need To Go, Now You Have To Live It Up Yourself, Because I Know Its Hard For Her To Have To Be The One To Change, Because All Parents Don't Believe Their Kids Will One Day Grow UP And Live Different Lives From Them. You Will Find Yourself That You Can Never Really Please Them Know Matter What You Do.

Answer 3

I sympathize greatly since I have been through it. I tried everything from simply changing the subject which I had prepared in advance some things to say, to stating 'Thats really bringing me down, could we talk about something more cheerful?' It didnt seem to work. The fact that your mother is easily offended shouldnt be a factor to you ( but I know it is difficult) since maybe YOU need better conversation but these people dont think of anyone but themselves.Finally I just had to mentally move on and detach for my own well being. I wish you could too. ( Did you see on Oprah the pastor who has a campaign to not complain and one puts on a bracelet and if you complain you have to move it to the other wrist and start over? Do this for 3 weeks without complaining which is supposedly the time it takes to change a habit? It might be on Oprah.com still)

Answer 4

Sounds like my mom at times.

Honestly I haven't gotten the nerve to do this when she does go on and on about things. I just listen. She isn't as bad as she use to be.

I'd suggest that since she stresses you out (boy I know what you mean there!) I agree with not calling her. Let her call you. My mom too is easily offended and hurt. Are you my sister? lol

How about next time she goes on and on about someone just tell her, "Look mom. I hear what you are you saying, but you are really getting me down. I am not being rude, but well can we please change the subject?"

If she doesn't listen then if you have to just talk seriously to her.
I have done this one with my mom and surprised how well she seemed shocked that I took the upper hand. Tell your om that you hate to be put in the middle and it really stresses you out. Tell her you want to talk about happy things if you have to.

I know just where you are coming from. I'm a Christian and even though I am 31 I still want to honor and obey my mom. But man it is hard when this is the same woman who at times I am depressed by the time she leaves my house after a weekend visit.

Now if you are like me and married with children you can use your children as an excuse to get her to be quiet. lol Tell her, "Look mom, I really don't want my kids hearing gossip right now about other people. So when we are around them let's try not to do that."

The plan I have with my mom, her sister and my cousin who are all like you describe above come visit me I just use the old standered that never fails. I kill them with kindness. They tend to also bad mouth me which is awful. But if they are talking bad and it's depressing me I just try hard to change the subject and throw kind words at times.

Good luck. You are not alone here.

Answer 5

If she says something bad about a person, try and see the other side and tell her.

IE....


A person walks past with a sour face and your Mom comments "I wonder what his problem is". You could say, "maybe they lost a loved one" or "maybe they just found out they won't be going on vacation this year".

There are two side to everything. Make it your job to try and verbalize the alternate/good in people. Maybe your Mom will start to think more positively and compassionately.

You will.

Answer 6

it's not rude to say what's on your mind....

you can tell your mother how you feel "i feel offended"....

some people don't have anything nice to say about anyone. my boyfriend does this occasionally, and sometimes i have to wonder... ugh


my best suggestion is to tell your mother how you feel... offended, stressed out, and tired of hearing negatives all of the time. if you don't want to be at the receiving end of her endless complaining and negativity, let her know.

Answer 7

My mom's like that too. I've told her gently that it bothers me and I don't like to hear about it cuz it's their life and whatever they want to do. But she still goes on sometimes. I just change the subject and talk about a new show, hobby, weather, etc. The less I engage with her, the less she finds me stimulating to gossip with or tell gossip to. Now she doesn't do it to me anymore. =)

Answer 8

Hey mom, I've been listening to you speak negatively about everyone as long as I can remember and I'm afraid I'm gonna be the same way. Can you not talk this way around me. I love you, I respect you and I want to be like you but I see this makes you unhappy and I don't want to be that way.

Answer 9

wow, whats really good is that you noticed and you know that it is wrong. some people just have a need to talk about others, i don't know why, but they do.

you can sit down with her and just casually say, 'mom, why do you talk about people like that'...she'll probably blow you off, but at least you'll make her think. the great part is that YOU know the difference between right & wrong.

Answer 10

well if she is easily offened and hurt then have her imagine how she would feel if she was talked about the way she talks about people. and tell her that it just really gets on ur nerves and you wish she would stop. Besides, my mom always tells me "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all" lol...Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!♥