As a black stepmother to a white kid, whats my limit?

Question

When i'm trying to be a good stepmother it seems i just don't fit in with the family in general. such as, when we were at the store the other day, my stepchild called my niece the N word in the checkout. i turned around a popped her for it and told her not to EVER say that again. i also popped my niece(black) for picking on her. The family behind me was white and they looked at me in horror and shock! i just don't understand why.

or like last week when we were at my husbands(white) mothers house for a get together. you would'nt believe how many people stard ar me when she called me ''mom''. Her real mother is strung out so i guess she calls me mom which i have no problem with. but his mom suddenly snatches her to the side and pops her on the hand and tells her''shes not your mom!'' I really wanted to say something but i did'nt know how far i should go as a stepmother seeing as though she was HER blood grandmother.
i'm new at this whole stepmother thing and young. (22) i want to Be as good as a stepmother as I could be but some people in his family (not all, unless you include society Makes me feel so out of place and like I have no authority over his little girl.

Answer 1

I agree with the first answerer. As long as you and your husband are OK with how your family is going you should try not to worry so much. If he's OK with his DD calling you "mom" then maybe he should have a talk with his mom and tell her so.

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job at parenting from what you've posted here. Find other parents that reinforce this because you will need it. Parenting in a mixed race family causes a whole lot of questions that others who don't do it never realize. You never know if people are reacting to you over a difference in parenting or a difference in race. It's hard but you can work through it if you and DH are on the same page.

As for the family behind you in line, they could have been astonished at any number of things with that situation. It could be a racial issue they have. It could also be surprise that you called someone on bad language when we hear so much of it. It could even be anger at you popping a kid or two instead of talking things through and using a time out. You'll never know what their reasoning was. Just one of the questions you'll always find when you're a parent.

Answer 2

You should never feel quilty for punishing a child for language. If you don't someone else will (like on the playground where it could get ugly). As for the grandmother issue, it may have more to do with her daughter being strung out and another woman taking her daughter's place.

My aunt is dealing with a simular issue. Her daughter is addicted to everything under the sun. She has four kids. Two of her children are being raised by the ex-husband and his new wife. My aunt is appreciative that this woman is trying to be a good stepmother to her grandchildren but it hurts her when the kids call her mom. I think it is a reminder to her that her daughter will never be a mom like these kids desprately need.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Do not feel out of place, so what you are married to a white guy and you are black. In today's society interracial marriages are common. It is the family that should feel out of place for making you feel this way. As far as your step child goes, listen you married a guy with a child and you are not taking the mother's place; however, you are a second mother to the child. Sit down with your immediate family (you, your husband, your step child and whomever else is living in your home and have a family meeting. Your husband should be standing behind you all the way. Good luck and by the way enjoy MOTHERS DAY!!!!

Answer 4

First end "popping" her. Love her SHE desires YOU!whilst she says stuff or acts out in public try this: as quietly as accessible pass away the shop or anyplace you're and take her aside. clarify that she could behave if she desires to stay in this society and if she can not act in a civil way you will basically take her domicile. Have a communication approximately her movements. If shes conversing racist/ hate then she found out it someplace and thinks its ok. tell her its unacceptable and why this is . tell her the words have been words made up by disrespectful ignorant human beings and that they are terrible words and hurtful. prepare her admire and compassion for others. overlook that she is "white" and additionally you "black". My granddaughter is black and that i'm white. shade is basically pigment in pores and skin! As for the different grandchilden ,nieces and so on. the policies are a similar for all the youngsters: admire and civility or take a seat at domicile. Make peace with the different grandma. Take the 1st step and invite her to lunch with out the youngsters around and have a heart to heart. This baby's mom is out of the image reason she is strung out. the baby desires all the relatives she gets. clarify to the different grandma which you're able to be a united front to help the baby.

Answer 5

hi hon...

it sounds as if you're doing a good job at trying to do what is right for your step child. i think that is very commendable.

people don't need to confuse the child further by telling the step child not to call you "mom" ... i believe she can call you whatever she likes... and feels comfortable with.

i did a Yahoo search for STEP PARENTING and found several websites for suggestions, help and advice.. i've posted a couple here, but you can find more if you do your own search.

take care. you seem like a very nice person.

Answer 6

my best advice it that you do whatever your husband feels you should do and whenever your stepchild disrespects someone you did the right thing and you should continue to do what you are doing and as far as his family goes forget them you arent married to them who cares what the think they're probably just racist anyway but i dont feel you've done anything wrong

Answer 7

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