My own parents, grandparents to my 3 kids, live just a few minutes from us. Most people assume that since they live so close, my kids are close to them too, but this is not the case. It's quite the opposite, in fact. We might only see them once a month if that, and they don't call.
Growing up, my own grandparents lived very far away, and I only held an imagined ideal of who they were. I tended to put them on pedestals only to later have these images shattered when I learned who they were and what they were really like. I want to spare my kids the same heartbreak.
Is there a way to tell my parents that they need to be involved in their grandkids' lives? My son plays soccer and he'd be so happy just to have them there to watch. But they don't want to come because my mother says it is boring and they don't want to be outdoors. Also, getting a chance to leave the kids with them and have dinner with hubby would be nice.
In contrast, my in laws live in England and WISH they could see them
2007-05-05 08:39:12 · 7 answers · asked by mamaof3inVA 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
...more often. They call often, and every weekend they see the kids over our webcam. They remember birthdays, holidays, and even doctor appointments and call to see how we're doing.
I know my parents will never become this close or involved, and I'm careful not to talk about how much my in laws do for the kids in case it makes them upset. But I wish there was a way I could help my kids get closer to their other grandparents who live on the other side of town. Any ideas and suggestions would be very much appreciated.
2007-05-05 08:42:18 · update #1
Hi...
i'm sure this is a disappointing situation, but i don't think there is any way to force your parents into becoming more involved with their grandchildren.
i see you've tried to involve them in the children's activities, but they declined.
having expectations of others, including our parents, is usually a set up for a big let down. we can't dictate what others do for us or our children... or how they will behave.
the best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to be the best parent YOU can be.
fortunately, your children's development doesn't depend upon your parents involvement with them. i'm sure they don't sit around and wonder why their grandparents aren't with them more. your kids look up to YOU first and foremost, not your parents.
you don't know what your parents "need" either -- perhaps they don't feel the need to become more involved with your children? i'm sure they don't mean to insult or hurt you... perhaps they just like living their lives, their own way?
i'm not trying to defend your parents... just trying to help you to see that we can't possibly control others.
as for leaving the kids with your parents -- maybe they aren't interested in babysitting? i do think it's a good idea for your husband and you to get out of the house and have a 'date night'. perhaps you can find a reliable babysitter?
take care of YOU and your family... everything will work out in the end. your children's existance doesn't really depend upon the involvement of their grandparents, or other people outside of your family.
hugz
2007-05-05 09:05:41 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uninvolved Grandparents
2016-11-14 08:17:57 · answer #2 · answered by asuncion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, try talking to them and tell them that this bothers you and you can not understand why you do not get to see them as much when they live real close to you.
tell them although they think the soccer game is boring and they do not want to be outside, tell them the game is not that long, it is not like they will be outdoors all day long and tell them no one ever died from fresh air before.
ask them why they do not phone you, ask them if they have arthritis in their hands and can not use the phone , tell them exactly how you feel and how this bothers you, tell them that life is just to short to be like they are and that you would appreciate it if they would get involved with you and the kids lives more.I do not understand why they are like this and they really need to be told .
If there is a charge to see the soccer game then offer to pay for it, maybe they are cheap like some older people are.
maybe if your kids went down for a short visit 2 or 3 times a week without having to be invited then maybe they would get to know what they like and what is important to them and when a child looks at the grandparents and ask why dont you come to my soccer game then they usually get a little soft, us adults sometimes do not get as far with the grandparents as the grandkids would.
good luck and keep us updated on anything new.
I would get the kids to visit more often .if the grandparents are pulling away and you do not try too because of them pulling away then neither of you will get together. make the first move and see what happens.talk to your kids about starting to visit more often.
2007-05-05 08:52:13 · answer #3 · answered by maureen s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way you answered your own question. Your grandparents lived far away and it seems that your own parents have learned this distant grandparenting from their parents perhaps? Don't tell them they should be or need to be involved, that sounds too demanding. Instead, and because you'll know what they do and don't like to do - involve yourselves in something to do with their lives. That would be a small start that might encourage them to return the favor.
2007-05-05 08:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by Storm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. I am in same situation with my children. They see my wife's mother everyday all the time. They have not seen or even received birthday cards, christmas cards, nothing no phone calls from my mother in over 6 years. I just tell them she has issues and that I had a rough child hood with her and she does not like to be bothered, and that it has nothing to do with them that that is just the way she was brought up. Luckily for me my girls are almost 11 now so they understand and realize that they are better off not knowing her. Lots of luck with your situation.
2016-05-21 02:41:45 · answer #5 · answered by patrick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but your parents don't "need" to do anything they don't feel they want to. This is the family history- their parents weren't involved with you, and your parents aren't involved with your kids. Accept it and enjoy your life.
If you want dinner with your husband, pay for a babysitter.
2007-05-05 08:43:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Why are you afraid to talk to your parents openly and honestly? You're a grownup now, remember?
2007-05-05 08:46:17 · answer #7 · answered by Alice K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋